Could I have handled this better? Made him leave

[Brooklans]

I originally met a man 18 months ago. Although nothing happened, we kept in contact as friends through text and social media. Recently, we started to get closer. For a month we spoke everyday, talking about our days, and deeper conversations to do with our families, past grief, and bad relationships we’d had. So after a month, we decided to go on a proper date. Date went well, although no kiss, both went home separately.

A few days after our date I was due to go abroad for a month to take some time out and relax at my mum’s timeshare apartment in a hot country. As we’d just had our date and I didn’t want to wait a month to see him again, I invited him to fly out and stay for 6 days (6 hour flight away)

We both agreed no pressure, it’ll be a friendship holiday for us both, we’ll each have our own rooms, and we’ll just see what happens. I also told him he can feel free to do his own thing sometimes if he wants. So a week after I flew out, so did he.

He arrived on Sunday very late at night, I picked him up at the airport and we both went to bed soon after we got back, to our separate rooms.

The following morning, on Monday, we went to the beach together. Then we went back to the apartment, and I went to visit my friend for a couple of hours. I came back, and we went out for a meal. During the meal I started to realise that I don’t feel the spark I was hoping and couldn’t see us progressing into anything beyond a friendship. We got back to the apartment and he asked if I wanted to watch something with him. I excused myself and went to bed early but told him to make himself at home and watch whatever.

The next morning on Tuesday I went to the gym alone and ran some errands, I texted him to say I’d be home no later than 4 hours, and once I’m back we’ll go to another beach together. I took slightly longer and he texted me asking how long I’ll be. The apartment is in the middle of no where and nothing I’m walking distance, so I could tell he was getting a bit restless. When I arrived back he didn’t say it but I could tell he had got a bit impatient. I grabbed my things to go to the beach, and told him I’d drop him off at the beach and meet him there later as I had to help the friend I saw the day before with something. He looked put out. I gave him some swimming equipment as I know he likes water sports/swimming. I dropped him off at the beach and said he’d see me later. It felt awkward.

A few hours later I rung him to say I’d only be another hour then I’d pick him up. He said “Pick me up? I thought you were joining me not picking me up?” I said I just wanted to relax at the apartment, it had been a long day. But he was more than welcome to stay there and I’ll pick him up later. He said okay he’ll stay, and will speak to me later.

Then I get a text saying “Do you even want me here? You seem to be taking your time with everything and last night you went to bed early you said to sleep, but I heard your tv on still a couple of hours later. I don’t need free accommodation and lifts if i wanted a holiday alone I could do that. I came to spend time with you.”

I reminded him of our talk before he arrived, that he’ll be free to do his own thing too. It was a casual arrangement and that I can’t put everything on hold because he’s here for 6 days. Said that I’m tired and I don’t feel like chilling on a beach and I need to help my friend. He just replied “Okay help your friend, I’ll call you later when I’m ready to come back”.

At that point it felt more awkward than it had done when I dropped him off, so I screenshotted a flight home for that night, at 11:30pm to him with the message “If it’s going to be awkward like this now and you’re going to make me feel like I can’t do what I’d usually do, I’d rather book you this flight home. You’ve woken up in a mood this morning I’ve not done anything wrong”. He immediately texted back “Okay book it”. I told him to book it and I’ll transfer the money. And said it had been an awkward day.

He said “You’re the one making it awkward, I’ve not been here 48 hours yet and you’re sending me screenshots to flights home because I asked you one question. I said help your friend and I’ll see you later tonight. I can’t fly home tonight It’s 5:30pm already I’ve been swimming I don’t have time to shower and pack and make it to airport in time. I’ll fly home tomorrow, don’t worry no awkwardness from me. See you later”

At this point I’m annoyed that he’s dictating when he will leave as he’s the guest. I texted back “I still think it’s better you leave tonight to be honest I don’t want any awkwardness”. He replied “Okay”.

When we got back to the apartment it stated we were unable to book the flight online as it was under 5 hours from the departure time. As the airport is a while away and there wasn’t a guarantee he would get a seat once arriving there, I said he could stay the night and I’ll sort him a flight for the next day. He was annoyed, he said that he’d also realised we weren’t right together romantically but that I was treating him unkindly and kicking him out so soon because of it, he was still prepared to remain friends. I said I’d asked him to leave as he’s was being awkward, not because of that. He went for a long walk after that, then went straight to his room.

Following morning, on the Tuesday I went out again. When I came back he was sat on the balcony and stayed there. I made some food and went for a shower. Before I go in the shower I texted him “Hey, what time is your flight? I might be able to take you to the airport, if not I’ll get my friend to take you. He’ll do it for half the price taxi drivers charge around here. I can also drop you off at another beach for the day. Just let know what time your flight is so I can plan my day”.
After my shower he knocked on my door and said with a snarky attitude “Why are you texting me when you can see I’m on the balcony? And you say I’m awkward ! I haven’t booked my flight you said yesterday you’d sort it” I replied “No I told you to book it and I’d send you the money for it but fine I’m not going to argue I’ll book it now” I booked him a flight, paid for it with my own money. Only time for that day was at 11:30pm. Told him what time his flight was, and I’d get my friend to take him to airport. He says, again with an attitude “Great nice 6 hour flight at midnight. Fantastic” At this point I can’t wait for him to leave.

Dropped him off at beach for the day and my friend picked him up in evening for airport, he didn’t even say bye to me. Has since blocked me on everything.

I really struggle with awkwardness. Was I BU or was he?

You didn’t handle this well at all. You didn’t feel a spark but you decided to treat him like crap in the hopes that he’d leave so you wouldn’t have to have the awkward ‘I don’t feel a spark’ conversation. Like the kids would say ‘you got the ick’ and just wanted him gone. He on the other hand came out with an open mind, to try and spend time with you to see where this could go, and you ditched him every chance you got. I’m sure you’re not a bad person, but you don’t handle this correctly. He deserves an apology, you need to self reflect, but if he’s blocked you on everything I doubt he’s going to hear you out.

What stopped you from going to the balcony and asking your guest if he wanted any food?

You had already made him feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, totally understandable for him to want to be out of your way.

Are you learning anything from the comments at all or believe this is how you treat people?

If this is true, then I think you really need to take a long hard look in the mirror, and take onboard the comments here, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

I'm one of the 99% who think you were the completely unreasonable one. If you had so many commitments that week then you should have never invited him, let alone treated him so badly. By the looks of things you'll keep on defending your bad behaviour to the very end though and not accept you were at all in the wrong.

Op if you are still here, have you read the responses? Are you ok, it must be hard to take in.

I think he will be alright, he might tell this story to people as his worst holiday ever, and you are clearly not the woman for him, and he has done the right thing cutting you off and seems mature enough to handle what happened.

But, you? How are you doing? This thread is a tough read and must be hard to accept. I believe you freaked out and just wanted rid of him. But there is definitely something to be learned from it all. Good luck to you x

Bit much.

She was a rude and bad hostess. She didn't kill anyone.

I am sorry but I think you behaved terribly here. It makes no sense at all to invite a man after one date on holiday when there was the obvious risk it might not work out on one side or the other or both and there was potential for awkwardness.
It sounds like after you decided there was no spark, instead of having a conversation about this you just tried to distance yourself. What was this poor guy supposed to do? He doesn’t need a random solo holiday and if he was choosing one it wouldn’t be staying somewhere where he is dependent on someone for lifts.
He responded reasonably to every single thing you did- going to do errands, friends etc. He doesn’t know what’s going on in your head unless you tell him. You say he was acting passive aggressive and being awkward but that was you.
The way you present things is as though you were doing him a big favour but you were actually acting as if he was a massive inconvenience. You seem annoyed that he didn’t just disappear with a smile.
Imagine the roles were reversed. A man invites you on holiday and then spends most of his time away from you. You can’t do anything unless he gives you a lift. He takes you to the beach and goes off somewhere and you wait for him and it gets later and later. He then can’t be bothered to speak to you so he texts you, even though you’re in the same building. If you show any sign at upset you are told you’re ’in a mood’.
I think you need to apologise to this man and acknowledge you got things very wrong.

You didn't even try to spend any time with him though as friends. The moment you realised he offered you nothing romantically you just hid from him in the hope he'd go away, and didn't even try to fix it even after he let you know you'd let him down.

Someone's son? He's not a child, he's a grown adult man, and shes not an evil villain snatching him away from mummy. Such a weird response.

OP, you treated him awfully, you seem to prioritise your fear of awkwardness or perceived awkardness over everything else, which is not good adult behaviour. You made a mistake inviting him, and it was your job to suck that up and be a good host for 6 days. You also should have told him to hire a car, so he wouldn't be so reliant you to ferry him around, if you wanted to do your own thing and you knew the house was in the middle of nowhere.

YABVU

You behaved extremely immaturely and rudely. First off you invite him and then mid-way you realise you aren't attracted to him, so literally find ways to get rid off him and treat him so badly. Anyone would get upset if you left them for hours on end in a place with nothing to do. His replies to you were measured and polite but you still wanted him to leave immediately. Why is that? You sincerely need to apologise for your behaviour and reflect on how you treat people.

Seems like the story line of a TV drama.

You felt awkward and wanted rid, that's understandable, but how you did it made him feel embarrassed.

This happened to me once. I was the invitee, and was invited by someone who I'd had a fling with. It's was clear when I walked through the door he'd lost all interest and we spent the weekend awkwardly going on days out / meals out. I always felt a bit sorry for myself but I now realise at least I was treated decently, even if it didn't pan out to be the romantic weekend I thought it would be.

You have been very unreasonable. Especially as after so many pages, you still keep defending your appalling behaviour.

What have I just read! I can't believe how unreasonable you have been!

If this is real, you’ve been an absolute nob.

Right? Even if OP did realise he wasn't the man for her he's flown 6 hours to come after being invited, is somewhere he knows no one and by the sounds of it a villa miles from anywhere.

The decent thing is to at least be kind. You don't need to jump on his willy but at least keep him company a fee days.

Do you have any friends? I worked with a woman who didn't treat people well and nobody wanted to be with her or be her friend. She couldn't understand why.