HELP! What’s wrong with me? Is this normal?

[BeWarmPoet]

This is my first time posting. I’ve been struggling for a while and it’s all finally come to a head I think. It’s gonna sound so silly but here goes. I’ve been wanting to have a bath for 4 days now. First night had shower for quickness. Second night thought I can’t have bath because it’s too much effort. Third night I won’t bath because I haven’t put on clean sheets I’ll do them tomorrow and get one. Which leads me to tonight didn’t change the sheets because that’s a job for Thursdays and I can’t have a bath without clean sheets. It’s sounds so silly but it’s been hanging over me for days, I mean it’s a stupid bath and there are bigger problems in the world! Is this some form of OCD, I also realised I’m constantly doing times tables in my head, can’t go out unless everything is clean. I also clean when I’m nervous or anxious. Does any one experience this?
FYI I have been showering 🤣

That all sounds familiar. I have diagnosed OCD.

It wouldn’t be a form of OCD btw. Just OCD.

I literally time my weekly bath night with my shaving, deep hair conditioning and my bed change . I don't care what that says about me, but I know that I couldn't live with an other person ever again because this is non-negotiable 🤗.

thank you for replying! It slowly seems to be getting more. I should add I recently had a baby and won’t leave the house after 9am if we are not ready as I feel the day is already over. But then I won’t go out unless everything is done. Which sounds mental as I’m typing it! I’m literally my own worst enemy right now.

I have always suspected that I have some form of disorder, but have been shot down with trying to label myself and I'm just difficult/awkward/quirky, so thank you for this - truly.

Is there somewhere you can go to seek some help OP, your GP perhaps? It’s not normal to get so hung up on things. Some counselling might help you.

Yes, I also did this in particular after I had my dd five years ago.

The thing is with OCD, there is a very significant amount of distress involved that impacts your quality of life. Would you say that’s true?

Otherwise I would say you may just have some tendencies that are part of your personality/ coping strategies for when you are stressed or need to feel in control.

Going against the grain to say that I think this sounds completely normal.

Not having a bath because you don’t have time for a bath - completely normal.

Not having a bath because it’s effort and you’re tired at the end of a day - completely normal.

Wanting to get into clean sheets after a bath - completely normal.

Not wanting to go through all the effort of changing sheets just to justify a bath - completely normal.

If you said you weren’t washing at all for weeks on end because you couldn’t wash unless every inch of your house was spotless, that would raise alarm bells. Everything in your OP seems completely normal to me.

Yes I totally agree, but this is the part of my brain I’m fighting with. But at the same time it’s everyday life, washing hair, food shopping, seeing friends, even getting back to the doctors calls. It all seems too much. My brain is spilt, A this is completely normal behaviour and everyone thinks like this or B like WTF this is not an average brain and get your shit together.

I don’t want to sound patronising but, is it possible that you’re simply overwhelmed?

If it’s a case of “I just don’t want to do that”, “I just cannot be bothered”, “that feels like too much hard work” all over things that should be simple and easy. It sounds like you’re just plain old overwhelmed.

If so, you just need to rebuild your resilience. It’s actually very easy with a focused plan and takes a couple of weeks. It’s something we’re trained on at work (I work in a high pressure environment where people often get overwhelmed).

You don’t need to get your shit together. Take things easy.

BUT needing to leave the house (with a very small baby!!) before 9am or you can’t go…and everything must be right before you leave…that’s what’s worrying.

And there’s no problem at all having a shower instead of a bath. It’s the worrying about it repeatedly that’s the issue.

Talk to someone.

This situation sounds very familiar to what happens to me sometimes and I have ASD and ADHD. Not saying you have these as there’s a lot of criteria to meet, but this kind of thing happens to me more when I’m overwhelmed. I get kind of paralyzed to certain tasks and just can’t do them for hours or days on end depending on the task, not drinking for a few hours even though I want a drink, not having a bath for days for example. Have you got a lot going on in your life at the moment that could make you anxious and overwhelmed?

Yes, it does sound like it could be OCD, especially as it seems to distress you. The doing times tables over and over is what is most significant, the rest could just be part of your personality. It certainly sounds like you have an obsessive thought pattern. See your doc. I have it too and it can be managed.

-Edited to apologize for mistakenly including the OP's original quote. I know it bothers some people.

Honestly, it does sound like you could be exhibiting symptoms of OCD. Please make an appointment with your GP and tell them all that you've written about here. There is help available, please don't wait as these types of conditions can be really restricting on your everyday life. Do you have a partner? Or supportive family member? Start by talking to them, then see your GP.

I really relate to a lot of what you describe OP- especially with regards to cleaning and tidying when anxious, or ‘having to’ complete X task before Y can happen etc. I have fought with this kind of rigid thinking at various points all my life. For me it isn’t constant but surfaces every so often - sometimes I can identify what has triggered it (difficult life experiences such as bereavement for example, or transition phases in life like becoming a mum), but not always. I have had other mental health issues too, including anxiety- especially health anxiety; disordered eating and obsessive exercising; addictions. I think I am probably ND but have never been assessed. Maybe I’ll get round to it one day just as soon as I’ve done x, y and z 😂

I would try and seek some counselling or support with this to see if it can help you get to the bottom of what’s going on, whether it’s a specific MH condition, neurodivergence or just a coping strategy that doesn’t need treating. But as others have said, it comes down to how much it is impacting your life and relationships, and it does sound like it is making your life harder work than it needs to be. Best of luck 💐

Sounds like there could possibly be some ADD. It's very common for people with ADD to struggle with the day to day things others have no trouble with.
Another explanation for that particular symptom could be stress and/or depression.

‘I get kind of paralyzed to certain tasks and just can’t do them for hours or days on end’

@Overthebow I relate to this so much. Cutting my nails is a big one. On the one hand, I am desperate to do it because I can’t stand the feel of long nails- I keep mine as short as possible. Yet I put off cutting them for a day or so because it somehow seems like such a mammoth task. 🤔 I know it only takes minutes and is easy and painless, so why don’t I just do it? I really do dislike the sound the clippers make so maybe that is part of it. But that in itself is a bit weird. 😂

I would love to know more about rebuilding resilience, what was involved?

Please go to your GP. It does sound like you need support. I know someone who had postnatal OCD who is completely fine now. It can happen with hormones etc. I think she had some therapy and an antidepressant for a bit. There is help out there if you ask for it ❤️

My partner is like this, always has been. He has ocd and adhd.

To be completely honest, I think going to my gp would bring to light numerous issues I’ve been hiding for many, many years. And I’m not willingly to deal with those emotions. I’m sorry if im sounding like a pity party! 🤣🤣🤣

I'm the same but I'm autistic. Clean sheets and PJs are a must, and they must have been washed that same day and be smelling of fabric softener. The house must be spotless before I could relax in a bath. I must have bubble bath, baths where I can see the bottom give me a really uncomfortable feeling. Many times I want one it just feels overwhelming to have to run the bath even if I have everything else prepared. I also don't like baths in daylight or when it is warm weather.

Your baby needs you to face this - they need a healthy mum, and they absolutely need to leave the house after 9am. Waiting lists for MH support are long - try and take the first step this week.

I found that after having a baby, I had to really lower my standards… it was actually impossible for us to be ready by 9am and the house was NEVER truly clean!
I just took some pressure off myself for my own sanity… you can have some new rules now:
Only attend baby groups that start AFTER 10am
Only do 1 thing each day Eg a trip to park OR weekly shopping OR baby group

Its about learning to be less perfect, because you’re caring for somebody else now x

I think it's bordering OCD. You're starting to be controlled by your thoughts. I've suffered horrifically with OCD for over 30 years now (can't believe I'm saying that!). Although I've never gone anywhere for a diagnosis. It was awful and before people really spoke about anything like that. As a teenager it was crippling and took over my life. There was a trigger with mine and it sounds like your baby is the trigger here. What I would say is, fight it now! Get help and stay self aware of this. It's easier to fight now and get out of it and retrain your brain before it takes over completely. The only way I could get out of it was by fighting myself. So many tears and finding it impossible but I got myself out (I think someone above said resilience training?). It's never 100% gone but now if it comes out, I know I'm getting more stressed or tired and it's a good signal to myself that I need to calm down.