6 year old bullying

[AddisonF]

My 6 year old has been saying horrible things to another child at school, like calling her fat. I have no idea where this behaviour has come from and I just don’t know what to do. She has 2 older sisters and we’ve never had any issues like this. She never hears anyone speak like that at home. Her dad and I aren’t together but it won’t have come from him either.

I’ve talked to her about how it’s not ok, how the other child will feel, how to deal with big feelings. She was obviously upset and I obviously told her she’s loved and I want to help.

But I just don’t know what’s going on really. Does anyone have any advice?

Have you asked her why she did this OP? Does she even know why she did it?

She denied it at first and then said another child told her to say it, but I don’t know if that’s true. I doubt it because the other time the teacher heard her. On that occasion she said the other child wasn’t sharing with her and she was annoyed.

It sounds like she doesn't know how to handle being angry with another child, how does she deal with anger at home?

That’s insightful. She does struggle with big feelings. She’s storm off or shout at her sisters sometimes. She has also said “I hate you” but not for a while.

I'd be having plenty of conversations with her about how she can handle things without calling people names or being nasty, she can tell the teacher if the child isn't sharing or she can walk away and find someone else to play with. I'd also get her to make a card to say sorry to the girl and tell her this is a fresh start and means she must not ever say things like that again. I'd also tell her that if you do hear of her doing it again there will be very harsh consequences at home (whatever you see fit, loss of tablet or whatever) but that you trust that she won't say anything like that again.

If she is the youngest of 3 does she get away with quite a lot? Are more allowances made for her than the other 2? And possibly at school she is one of a big crowd and so gets frustrated easily?

Have you seen the toothpaste or paper theory? It's when you squeeze the toothpaste out and explain how you can't put it back in, or you crumple the paper and when you try to straighten it out, it doesn't work and it's supposed to be a good way of explaining how hurtful words and actions can't be taken back once they are done

There might be more to it though, not that her reaction is okay, but is she getting a hard time, struggling to fit in, feels threatened by other child.

Communication is key I think, keep talking, keep explaining, listen to her. It might not be all one sided x

Ruth on Loose Women about 3 weeks ago was talking about bullying and a mother had contacted the show and basically she had been awful to her daughter who had been bullying other children. Basically she gave the girl a taste of her own behaviour in that she bullied her daughter and then said I am going to stop now so will you stop bullying yourself because it is terrible isn't it. The clip came up when I put Loose Women bullying. I would think that is an excellent way to show how bad bullying can be.