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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you've thrown one of your teenagers out? How did it turn out?

36 replies

SpanThatWorld · 24/06/2025 21:32

I had a torrid time with one of my kids. Disrespect, crossing of every boundary we set, excluded from school, drugs, criminal behaviour.

People said, "I'd throw him out." But there was nowhere for a 16 year old to go.

I was reminded of this this morning with another thread asking for help and everyone queuing up to say that they'd tell their teen to leave. But none who had actually done it.

So... did you tell your troubled teen to leave home? What happened next? How are things now?

OP posts:
Dandelionlawn · 25/06/2025 22:53

We have supported living near us. It's for 16 to 18 year olds who are homeless or can't live at home. They get support to transition to adult life. I should think it's oversubscribed though. I'm not sure if you access it through social services.

ScholesPanda · 26/06/2025 00:32

It happened to a friend/ acquaintance of DS when he was about 14/15. His Mum kicked him out, his Dad promised to take him in but the Dad's gf at the time put a stop to it. Ended up living with a woman about 10-15 years older than him that he was somehow acquainted with. He did chores for her in exchange for his lodgings.
Dropped out of school at 16 and developed mental health issues. DS was jealous of him at the time because the woman he lived with took him to lots of parties etc- the reality that emerged later was that he was taking drugs, drinking heavily and sleeping with men in their late twenties/thirties (including the woman's dealer- another 'chore') by the time he was 16/17.
So not a great picture, actually it sounds even worse now I've written it down.

beachcitygirl · 26/06/2025 06:22

My stepmother threw my young brother out due to laziness and weed habit, he was 17 a phase. He turned to hard drugs homelessness and sex work. I despise her with every beat of my heart.

FrippEnos · 26/06/2025 06:42

Generation F by Winston Smith, is a good book to read about Britain's care homes.

Ruelzdontapplyhere · 26/06/2025 07:14

I was asked to leave home at 17. I went to live with my friends Nan until I was old enough to rent a room in a house share.

Jarstastic · 26/06/2025 13:33

beachcitygirl · 26/06/2025 06:22

My stepmother threw my young brother out due to laziness and weed habit, he was 17 a phase. He turned to hard drugs homelessness and sex work. I despise her with every beat of my heart.

Was he smoking weed in a family home? Was he exhibiting difficult behaviours to other members of the family? Did you live in the house at the time? Had your father and stepmother tried to help him for time before, whilst protecting the rest of the family and the house?

Returnofjude · 19/08/2025 08:43

How’s he doing now OP?

StrawberrySally · 19/08/2025 09:14

My mum kicked me out at 18 because she did not like my boyfriend at the time (to be fair, he was not a very nice person). I was a spectacularly good kid-working alongside studying at university , contributing to the household financially and through chores, always following her rules and looking back this was an attempt to control me further. It did not work and was very unjustified. Our relationship never recovered in spite of her best efforts to mend it. I now have two children of my own and I would never, ever kick them out.

ohbee · 19/08/2025 09:40

I was kicked out at 15 and managed to find a paedophile willing to house me. He locked me in and repeatedly raped me. I was vulnerable and I needed my parent to step up not down. I had a lot of issues back then, stemming from neuro divergence which of course we didn’t know about or understand back then, but it was clear I needed people to ask ‘why?’.

I wouldn’t be able to throw one of mine out because I would be terrified if the path they took. I guess I was ‘lucky’ not to have been drawn into drugs. I did develop a drink problem and put myself in serious danger many times over. I could never risk putting my DC in such a vulnerable state.

I want to be clear though that I base my answers on my DC, and I am fully aware that there are some circumstances where it would be in the benefit or the overall family for the teen to move out. It would have to be a supported move though, not just thrown out and left to fend.

Phoebesparrow · 19/08/2025 09:40

My narc mother slung me out as soon as the child benefit ran out

She'd stopped paying for anything for me as soon as I got to about 12 years old-everything from food to school uniform I had to work to pay for it

I ended up in a shit bedsit,no money,was homeless for a while (she thought this was funny) and fell pregnant within the year-I'm fine now,I own my own home,have a job and loving dp and am doing ok

All because the child benefit ran out and my (golden child) brother was running rings around her

He was dealing/taking drugs,stealing everything that wasn't nailed down,bringing dealers,loan sharks and the police to her door,smashing her house up,playing truant from school,never keeping a job for longer than 6 weeks (he left school and refused to get a job for 6 years because he 'wasn't ready') and beating her up if she dared to say 'no' to him

It was decided I was the issue and out I went

He's 42,still at it (he's only just got a flat after living at home all his life but spends 99% of his time at home because he hates his flat and all his money is spent on drugs) and has cost them tens of thousands of pounds in trying to keep him on the straight and narrow and to keep a roof over his head

But it's all my fault she bred a monster and I'm nc (but still taking the blame)

He's 'misunderstood' apparently

missrabbit1990 · 19/08/2025 10:06

Sesame2011 · 25/06/2025 19:58

I was thrown out at 16 by my dad and stepmum, my mum had died when I was a child. However I was not violent, still in school, didn't do drugs or commit crimes etc. I was a victim of emotional abuse and neglect in the home and my "parents" didn't care for me. I grew up middle class. They did get me a flat although I don't know specifically how the financial side of it worked but I know most of the rent was paid by housing benefit and I received £45 a week in income support (i believe my stepmother probably fiddled with the system to get me these benefits).

I left school at 17 with barely any grades. I did manage to get into uni which I then dropped out of twice. Tried college too but also dropped out of that. Spent time in some student flats shares etc before moving into homeless accommodation around 19. I was very lucky in that I never stayed in a hostel but the council did put me in a b&b for a while before I got a furnished temporary flat. I had a suicide attempt around this time too. I just about kept my head above water, claiming jobseekers allowance, getting jobs in retail or bars which didn't really last long. Got into debt over the years. Dabbled in drugs in my early 20s but nothing too major and managed to not get pregnant (even though at the time I didn't think it was the worst idea).

I'm now 36, in a stable job in finance, married and about to have my first baby. But I carry the trauma every day and have not spoken to my dad or stepmother in years and don't ever plan to.

So sorry this happened to you. What a pair of arseholes. Congratulations on your baby.

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