Married for 9 years together for 10 years .
we both have DC but not together . One of my 3 is autistic , young adult . Lives at home.
Firstly, there has been a few conversations where he has implied downsizing etc when children are grown and leave and even moving out of the city / country. Not serious conversations . Also things like “ they’re growing up now , won’t want to spend time with us “ when talking about holidays etc ( suggesting just me and him ) . Although my eldest is a young adult in age , she isn’t in any other way. My youngest is 12 ( yes very young when we got together , father involved ) . To me theyre still my children , very much so . He sees his children but not much - good relationship but they’re teens now and tend to want to stay at home / see friends . He speaks to them daily but can go weeks and weeks not seeing them and be ok with it. I’m the opposite I couldn’t imagine it. He’s implied that life begins when the children are grown up and to me tfats not the case - I’m clinging on to their childhood and see many more years of family holidays , days out etc . I also would not move away from them - I barely see my parents and I don’t want that for mine , I want to be involved . I want to be a nanna to my grandchildren when they come . I won’t be moving to the coast and seeing them now and then . Not just that but my eldest may always live at home and if not then I will still be caring and will always be around for her.
I love him dearly and we’re very happy but sometimes I worry we have different plans for the future.
Another aspect I wonder if I am being unfair is finances . He earns significantly more than me , we’re not rich at all in fact a lot of debt , but I also work full time. He pays the rent and other bills - he certainly pays more than me , but we don’t contribute 50/50 - I probably pay out about 70% of my salary to the household and he pays probably 50% of his . I earn just under half of his monthly wage per month. Im always short and he isn’t . He will help if I need it but im not someone who asks . Again, he’s not rolling in it but he can , for example, buy a gift for his children very easily whereas I have to go in debt or really struggle ( that’s just an example he is good to my children he wouldn’t see them without ) . But sometimes he will imply that he is paying for a home for my children ( we’re in a 4 bed , if it was just us we would need a 1, maybe 2 bed ) which makes me uncomfortable. I see it as a marriage partnership - where he knew my situation. Without his wage I would get support to pay towards rent but I don’t because of his wage. I will add he works extremely hard and very long hours , a lot of time away from home - he has a demanding job - but again , sometimes he implies he’s working away and living in hotels to pay for a home for my children .
There aren’t massive issues between us and he is so good to us but sometimes I do wonder a) are we on different pages about the future and b) am I unreasonable with the amount I contribute even though I genuinely couldn’t afford more.