You do you

[Tapoopoo]

Is there a more patronising and often judgemental phrase in common use?

"I wouldnt wear it" comes close though.

Suits the wearer not the starer was my mum's favourite comment....

I love it; normally reserved for those who give unsolicited criticism.

My mother's favourite, "You know your own business best."

If we're going international: From my could have been French mother in law but er, the relationship ended:

Translated from the original passif aggresif:

"How very Anglo Saxon!"
"Don't you have a rustic side that is so charming!"

As if was a was a 9th Century peasant living in a ditch just waiting for the Norman Invasion.

Not patronising but certainly overused:

Not my circus, not my moneys…

As they then proceed to list all the ways they have a front row seat.

I don’t think it’s always pass agg. Or patronising. I have had people ask me if I like/would do/agree with something and I’ve said ‘no. But hey if you do, you do you. I’m not the authority on what’s good or bad. I don’t want to do it/like it but you have every right to’

thats not judgemental or pass agg. It’s acknowledging that it’s totally ok for people to choose differently.

In real life I have never, ever heard anyone say the following, only on here.

Not my monkeys, not my circus
or You do You
or Are you on glue

I need to get out more I guess

But you follow it up with other statements and try to be calm and reasoned. That's the difference.

It's not just, "You do you."

I've heard the first 2 a lot. A good friend heard the monkey one for the first time a couple of years ago and uses it a lot now. I was amazed she'd never heard it. She loves it.

@JumpingDizzy Another one is, "Set youself on fire to keep so and such warm." Never heard that IRL.

Although I quite like it and find it rather useful, in its own way.

Never heard that one.

‘You do you’ is on a par with ‘this too shall pass’.

Trite messages posted by people with nothing constructive to say, who then sit back feeling smug that they alone have helped the op with their tremendous words of wisdom.

I don’t think people use ‘you do you’ to appear wise, or indeed to be particularly helpful. Ime experience it’s shorthand for ‘I don’t care what you do’.

It's even better when it's said

You do you, Boo.

Of course, it depends who's saying it and in what context. They may be struggling to find the right thing to say, just like the only appropriate phrase in polite society that we have found for the bereaved is, "Sorry for your loss."

I have actually used that 'You shouldn't set yourself on fire ' phrase to a friend who was running herself ragged looking after her husband who had Alzheimers.

Each to their own.

it means, in a very massive aggressive way, that I am judging you to high heaven but too polite to say so.

It's your life.

You crack on. Crack the fuck on. Annoying Love Island fan-speak. Gah!

Ooooh, what annoys me off Love Island is when they talk about 'lipsing!' Meaning they kissed. Just say you kissed FFS!

You do you is annoying though yes @Tapoopoo

What the fuck are people allowed to say when pushed for opinions they know are not wanted ? Lie? Why?

Oh no I love this too shall pass. I use it to myself when I’m going through tough times. It really helps me remember that this will indeed pass (most of the time)

People don’t even do glue anymore. It’s spice now.

Not patronising - just recognising that everyone is different!

I quite like you do you - it's concise! Having reached my mid 50s and menopause, I've been embracing letting go of the mental load of trying to keep everyone happy (husband, kids, extended family) and telling myself I'm not responsible for everyone's moods - now when DH is grumpy or sighing or cursing over work stress etc, I take myself off and leave him to it. Life gets much easier once you realise that people will do what they want and you can't influence it - now I only feel responsible for my own equilibrium and it's very freeing!

I must say @Endofyear I with agree with you : I quite like You do you.

I'd not heard the expression until I joined MN and I've actually found it really useful for closing down a spat with other posters which I occasionally have been known to get into . It hopefully ends the disagreement but nobody has to back down.