I will try to make this brief, but I could write a book on this. Long story, short my daughter is meant to be moving to a new school in September, going into Year 4. My partner works at the school - not in a teaching capacity and not in that part of the school though. We're not moving because she's unhappy where she is, although I've felt this past year that she's a bit on the outside of things, although she does have 1 best friend, and this has strengthened over the past 4/5 months. I do have some gripes with her current school (it's an independent for full disclosure!) and she'd be moving to a school where we'd pay less and facility-wise and opportunity-wise she'd be getting more for less money. She went to a taster day ages ago and loved it, came out wanting to move BUT the last few weeks her behaviour has been really really challenging, especially at bedtime and in the morning before school. She is very volatile, and the slightest thing will upset her to the point she storms off, shouting she hates me etc. She's not particularly good at identifying her emotions and I've struggled to navigate this because I don't want to put words in her mouth by asking leading questions like "are you anxious about XYZ?" but it's become apparent she is very worried about the move. I'll also say she's not 8 yet, and won't be for some time, so she's a very young year 3 - birthday is 31st August! She is going in this Wednesday for a day to the new school to meet her new class/teachers etc and she is worried. We told her from the very start when this became an option that it wasn't something she had to do. We wouldn't make her but we thought it could be a great opportunity for her. Initially it was an outright no from her, but for many months now she's been saying she does want to go and she came out of the taster day saying she wanted to move.
So, now it's all come out how worried she is - it's a struggle to get her out the house to school. She missed a club this morning because she just storms off for no reason and hides. She overreacts to the slightest thing. So this morning I again told her that if it's causing her this much worry she really doesn't have to move, we won't be disappointed in her at all either way. We said why doesn't she see how she feels after Wednesday. She said she feels better knowing she can decide after Wednesday. However, I am worried I'm navigating this all wrong. This is too big a decision for her to make. Should we just put our foot down and say you're moving, end of?
I am the kind of person who would rather avoid change at all costs and I hate this about myself. My mother always told me I wouldn't cope with things so I missed out on loads and I don't want this for my daughter. I want her to be empowered to do new things and embrace change. I feel like I'm doing my best but I'm falling short and I need some outside perspective. My heart is saying just tell her she's staying where she is, remove that external source of anxiety. My head is saying move her, what does keeping her where she is teach her about making decisions and change for the future?
HELP! I don't know what to do or say.
Thank you for reading and for any advice. It's much needed and appreciated.