For not buying my adult sister a birthday gift because she dosen’t give on my birtdhay?

[Teddybear43]

I don’t recieve a birthday gift from my sister on my birthday, neither does my daughter we only recieve chritsmas gift from her. I have given my 2 nephews birtdhay gifts to but kinda getting tired of it only being one way. Its not about the gift itself but the tough that they think of you to.. my mom then asks me every year «what are you getting for your sisters bday?» im like nothing? This year. my mom dosen’t even ask my sister this question. My mom then implies that my sister dosen’t have lots of money so maybe thats why they nag me about gifting her something. I then get a feeling of guilt if i dont buy her something but at the same time i think why do i feel that? My sister dosen’t buy me nor my daughter birtdhay gifts those last years. We are attenting to her birtdhay dinner this weekend

Why don't you just have a conversation with your sister, and suggest you both stop doing gifts going forward?

@Flensburg Maybe or i could also just stop.

If she can’t afford it then it’s not a slight on you. But yes have a conversation and suggest you don’t do gifts or you don’t do each other but you both do kids. So instead of getting you both a Xmas gift she gets your dd a birthday and Xmas gift? Your mum doesn’t need to be involved

If she’s really that hard up for money, OP’s sister could buy a box of toffifee and a budget birthday card. £2 all in.

It’s going to the effort of remembering and gifting something (small as it might be) that would make the difference.

The Birthday dinner situation makes a difference. Where is the meal? If you are going to a bday party you would usually take a gift.

Although everyone may be paying for themselves? In that case I’d say a card to acknowledge the occasion.

theres a bit of “feel, implied “ in your post op. No one can make you feel anything thoughts are your own created by you. They also aren’t facts , similarly if your mother has an issue she can say something . I don’t think it matters why she’s not getting you a present , if she can’t be bothered to get something really small (if your mums so bothered your mum can give her a fiver) then I’d do the match her energy thing and not bother.

If your mum raises it again, just say “Sis and I don’t do gifts for each other.”

I had this with my sibling. I gave up, and they seemed relieved tbh! Neither of us particularly like swapping gifts.

I continue to buy for their children though, but limit it to £10.

I can’t remember my Brother ever giving me a Birthday Present, I always get him one.

You don’t give a present, because you want one back .. you give a present be you want to .. with no strings

Just stop buying.

That’s why I ask where it is. If sister or mother is hosting, then it’s effectively a birthday party where a gift of some kind would be usual.

If it’s the same thing as OP does on her birthday, then it’s irrelevant.

My sisters birthdays are both in July, I always but for them, then come mine in September, nothing for me. It’s really hurtful. I don’t give to receive but it is just unthoughtful. This year one is 40 so I’ve got a big gift, so then I’ll have to get a present for the other as their birthdays are so close. Then mine will roll round same as every year.

My brother and I don't give each other presents, we just send cards. We both gave our nephews / nieces presents until they were 18 but not beyond.

@myplace sis hosting a bbq so im bringing a delish salad dish. My mom kinda be like u can give u sis money but i need the money for my vacation.

@Teddybear43 surely your mum can give sis money? or better still , sis shouldnt be hosting anything she cannot afford