What do you say?

[EmberR]

To your 5 year old when he asks you mummy why can’t we have a baby, I think they’re so cute and all my friends have a sibling.

And you’ve been trying for a long time to conceive it hasn’t happened and you’re too old now?

I want to be kind to him and have a useful response he can understand but I am also crying inside every time he asks.

Any advice please? X

My kid asked. I told him mum is too old to have another baby. End of conversation!

This. It’s sad for you, OP, but for your five year old it’s just a question like ‘Can we have sausages for dinner?

All families are different. We are lucky that we have you.

No need to go into specific details about wishing you could. That can come when he is much older.

Sorry that it is upsetting you when he asks.

i agree, no need for the truth,
just change the subject

Just say we have you and we love you very much and are very lucky.

Agree...just brush over it. He doesn't need to know that you want to but cant or how sad that makes you...in fact if you told him that he may feel he's not enough. Just "hey ho, we're all different. Oh look, squirrel!!" And change the subject.

It’s up to God, son.

I just said I wasn't able to have another one. He sulked for a bit and then forgot about it. I plan on being honest to the extent it's age appropriate - he's only 4.5 now but I will tell him about the miscarriages and fertility treatment when he's older as I want him to know I did my best!

I wouldn’t want to lie to my kids!

Id just say ‘mummy is too old now but we’ve got you and we love you very much’.

My DD occasionally has brought it up, as others have said it isn't laden for them like it is for you, don't make it so. Help him to understand that families come in all different shapes and sizes and what a lovely family you all have and how much you love having him. Then move the conversation on.

On the sibling thing, we just say that families come in all different shapes and sizes, some people have no children, some people have 6 kids and some people just have 1. Some people have pets etc

Kindly it’s not a personal failing to not have more children, it can be incredibly painful of course but I don’t think anyone owes their child an explanation as to why they don’t have a sibling.

This ⬆️

Hmm . Why would you tell him all of that when he's older? It's like saying " well you weren't enough and we tried desperately to have another child"

And tbh from a kids view having a dibling in not necessarily a good thing

i wouldnt say too much, because, what happens if you are successful in conceiving and he thought he was the only one, and then he isnt

I said the same to our daughter. Took 10 years to have her, miscarriages and IVF and by then it had to be one and done.

what I can tell is now at 9 years old she sees other siblings squabbling and actually says she’s happy it’s just us which makes it easier

Why post that?

That's fine if that's what you genuinely believe. Not so much if it isn't.

Same way you answer the 100's of other questions, simply, We don't need another child we have you, now what shall we do no, park or colouring

"Because we want to save all our love for you" and then smother him in kisses or whatever to make him laugh. Then move on. As someone else said, he doesnt really care about the answer.

Im sorry another baby didn't work out for you OP but do try to recognise what you DO have.

Because it was a weird assumption that the OP believes in God.

It would have been kinder to say that rather than inferring people who do believe in God are liars.

I believe that if I was to tell my children that something was ‘up to God’ then I would be lying.

@Jellycatspyjamas I know I don't 'owe' him anything but a large part of persisting was I know he'd have got a lot out of it. He has asked me a few times now and definitely feels different to his pals!

I am generally very upfront about my fertility struggles so will definitely share more with him in the future. I think it's better to normalise discussing these thing so it's less lonely for the people going through it!

@Fundayout2025 I think it's a bit of a leap to assume he'll think he wasn't enough??! It's more like we thought we might like to have another child and we thought you'd enjoy having a sibling but it didn't happen and we're still very happy with you and our lovely life together