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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed at sister for leaving my daughter out? (Family favourites)

16 replies

Nomorefstogive · 22/06/2025 23:11

Little back story, strained relationship between my sis and me. We don't see each other that regular, just big family events. She has not babysat my kids, or ever taken them for days out, ever.

We went to my parents for my mum's birthday. Sister was there with her family too.
I have two children, a son (9) and daughter (10). Sister has two children also, twins aged 10, a boy and a girl.

Family were chatting about going to the cinema. Sister pipes up and says (Infront of my kids) oh, can I borrow your son to go see this movie, the twins don't want to go.
Without waiting for a response she then directly asks my son if he'd like to go to cinema with her. Of course he says yes, because he's a kid and loves days out.

My daughter was sitting there, looking really sad, feeling totally left out (understandably). Sister does have a habit of focusing alot of attention on my son, I find this really weird, sometimes it's like my daughter doesn't exist to her.

I was livid at sister doing this Infront of kids, especially as it clearly hurt my daughter. I lied and said that we had plans to go see movie with friends next weekend, so she would stop asking to take my son.

Not that I would feel comfortable with her taking him, as I've already mentioned, she never has my kids, so why start now.

Would you be annoyed at this? I would never want to make any kids feel left out and thought this was pretty low.

I had big hugs with my daughter when we got home and she said that auntie X didn't want her to go to cinema. Broke my heart.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeWineNow · 22/06/2025 23:17

That is awful as your kids are so close in age. You are def not being unreasonable to be annoyed. What is your parents think of this?

JustGiveMeWineNow · 22/06/2025 23:18

Sorry typo - what do your parents think?

BernardButlersBra · 22/06/2025 23:18

Have you ever babysat her children?

Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 09:26

JustGiveMeWineNow · 22/06/2025 23:17

That is awful as your kids are so close in age. You are def not being unreasonable to be annoyed. What is your parents think of this?

I spoke with my mum on the phone about it today, she just grumbled and said, oh you know how your sister is-she just doesn't think.
No point in chatting to her further about it.
Dad does anything for an easy life and doesn't like to upset the apple cart.

I just felt so sad for my daughter. Luckily she has lots of cousins/aunts/uncles on my husbands side of the family that include both my children and do not play favourites.

OP posts:
Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 09:32

BernardButlersBra · 22/06/2025 23:18

Have you ever babysat her children?

I have, and have taken them on days out. Not as often as I imagined I would. I always wanted to be an involved auntie but my strained relationship with my sister doesn't allow this. For my own mental health, I cannot be around her regularly.

OP posts:
Wanttoeatallthecheese · 23/06/2025 09:38

Is it perhaps possible that she thought it was a 'boys' film - not that it excuses her - maybe assuming your DD wouldn't enjoy the film and therefore didn't invite her. Rude either way though...

Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 09:45

Wanttoeatallthecheese · 23/06/2025 09:38

Is it perhaps possible that she thought it was a 'boys' film - not that it excuses her - maybe assuming your DD wouldn't enjoy the film and therefore didn't invite her. Rude either way though...

I guess that's true.
I would have understood more if my daughter had been out of the room too, but my kids were sat together and sister singled out my son.
I agree it was rude either way, so thoughtless.

OP posts:
EndorsingPRActice · 23/06/2025 09:46

Well, I can see myself thoughtlessly suggesting something like this. Fortunately my family would generally loudly point out my lack of inclusivity and I would end up, in that situation, taking both DCs. In my case I think it's the continual inability to think before I speak rather than meanness so if there is lots of history of this type of thing ignore what I've just written.

Soontobe60 · 23/06/2025 09:49

Why didn’t you just say ‘Oh that’s lovely, I’m sure DD would love to go too wouldn’t you DD?’

TangerinePlate · 23/06/2025 09:49

“No you can’t,thank you for the offer that’s kind of you”

Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 09:55

EndorsingPRActice · 23/06/2025 09:46

Well, I can see myself thoughtlessly suggesting something like this. Fortunately my family would generally loudly point out my lack of inclusivity and I would end up, in that situation, taking both DCs. In my case I think it's the continual inability to think before I speak rather than meanness so if there is lots of history of this type of thing ignore what I've just written.

That's very honest of you, so glad that you are open to your family speaking up.
That's not been my families reality unfortunately.

It drives me mad and here I am complaining.
Especially when it involves my children.

OP posts:
Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 10:00

Thank you so much for this, what a great idea to help feel better xx
I will take a look!
Yes, it is hard enough and when it involves the kids getting hurt it's just so much harder.
Thank you, she does deserve to be seen and we will organise a nice cinema visit for both my kids to enjoy!

OP posts:
Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 10:02

TangerinePlate · 23/06/2025 09:49

“No you can’t,thank you for the offer that’s kind of you”

Edited

I like your reply, very mature, I was too angry to be so nice so lied instead!

OP posts:
Nomorefstogive · 23/06/2025 10:04

Soontobe60 · 23/06/2025 09:49

Why didn’t you just say ‘Oh that’s lovely, I’m sure DD would love to go too wouldn’t you DD?’

I was livid. If my sister is going to leave one of my children out, then in my opinion, she doesn't deserve to have either of them.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 23/06/2025 10:14

Your sister just seems thoughtless tbh.

Im guessing she thought it was a boy movie or that because her own 10 year old wouldn't go (perhaps they viewed it as too babyish) that dd wouldnt want to go.

And if she is a bit self centred then it wasnt about the kids. It was about her wanting a side kick to see the movie.

IPM · 23/06/2025 10:22

It was a bit thoughtless and 'off'.

But to be honest, it sounds like you're making far too big a thing of it, probably because you don't like the woman anyway.

'Big hugs' with your 10 year old that broke your heart sounds a bit OTT.

An eye roll and 'You know what auntie Janice is like', would probably have been more helpful to your DD.

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