Keeping DH suprise secret from indiscreet MIL (advice pls!)

[FrodoBiggins]

Not exactly an AIBU because I really don't think IBU but advice would be welcome!

I'm planning a big trip for DHs upcoming big birthday. He loves Egyptian history so we're going there, also Jordan to see other historical sites, a short Nile cruise, etc. He knows we're going to Egypt (had to tell him for insurance, medical etc reasons) but we decided all other plans I'd keep secret (he loves surprises, I love planning 😂)

Problem is DHs mum. She's also into Egyptian history and has been with FIL. She keeps asking me what I have planned, what I've booked etc. Often in a (loud!) whisper when DH in room or when he's right outside.

I love this woman by the way. She's warm and kind and I've known her 20 odd years. She's like a mum to me too. But omg she can't keep a secret. Examples:

• SIL recent surprise birthday, we saw her the weekend before, MIL says as we all leave "oooh Katie we'll see you next weekend!!"

• previous surprise weekend away I planned for my DH in Edinburgh, he knew nothing, MIL couple of weeks before "ooo FrodoBiggins you'll both have to try some whiskey when you're up in Edinburgh!"

• only the other month, me and DH "we've just started watching X American sitcom", MIL "oh me and FIL are watching that we're on season 5" DH "don't tell us what happens!" MIL "oh don't worry there's nothing to tell! Nothing exciting happens until Z dies anyway".

This is tip of iceberg. She's revealed early news re pregnancy, ruined film endings, Christmas and birthday presents (even ones she's bought and wants to keep secret!). Can't tell her anything. She doesn't even realise she's doing it and we've given up trying to understand why.

Holiday is still ages away. So far I've managed it by just lying I haven't planned anything yet but that's not going to last, she'll also get anxious if she thinks I've planned nothing. I also don't really want her to go on about it in front of DH as it'll give him ideas about stuff I may (or may not!) be planning.

Any advice which might avoid upsetting her? I wish I'd just told her we were going to Spain now to throw her off the scent but DH told her the outline plan so I think it's too late 😭

“I was speaking to a friend recently who said it’s far cheaper and more reliable to book everything when you get there. The best tour guides aren’t online - they don’t need to be! So, I’m just going to hold off on deciding what to do until we get there and see the options”

Weird comment, I haven't told her any secrets since I was dating DH decades ago (which is when the Edinburgh thing happened). I don't think mentioning we're watching a TV show counts!

That's cute I like that

Yes I think that this is the best option. Thanks to you and those who said similar - in fact thanks to everyone who's suggested, you've given me lots of ideas. I think saying it's a secret from everyone because it's a secret for DH is the best way.
I'm not going to say "I'm not telling you because you can't keep a secret" or bring up other things she's ruined, I know her and she would never do it maliciously. That would just upset her and I don't want to do that.

Could you try telling her it's a secret and you want to see her face when she sees the pictures?

Given your track record and lack of ability to keep
a secret, like pregnancy, Edinburgh etc. I’m removing the option for you to be upset by going it again, so
I’m not telling you.

I have a similar relative… It’s all well intended and normally from being excited but is tricky to navigate!

What about saying that because her and DH share the same love of Egypt you really want him to be able to tell her all about it afterwards as he’s excited to talk about it with her? Good luck and I really hope you and your DH have an amazing time.

Just say, no real plans, we’re going to take a cab into Alexandria’s El
Tahrir square, take a right and just see where it takes us.

Has noone ever done the same to her when she is the recipient of a surprise?

Thank you!
Yes it's a shame because it's not at all coming from a bad place. And a double shame because she would have actually been quite helpful in the planning! Never mind. :)

Not that I can remember no

Just say “I’m having fun planning the trip and want DH to be the first to know, so I can’t tell anyone else, even you”