My mother, in her 80s, lives in California (we're both American)
I live in the UK with husband and three children 18, 17 and 14.
My mother usually visits once a year, initially she started coming over to help with child care over the summer, which never really ended up being helpful as my mother comes with disasters. There is almost always one financial and/or medical emergency during her visit. One year she came with euros, and wasn't able to use her credit card so we paid for everything.
Another year she was kicked out of the B & B as she complained about something or other. I backed her at the time, but the credit card company thought she was in the wrong.
There is a whole catalogue of disasters including one year she hadn't called her husband in California, so he reported her missing which resulted in the police getting involved.
The expectation is that she is treated as a guest. She isn't the sort of mother who happily will muck in and help as and when needed as while she is willing, the fact is that she simply doesn't have the capacity.
Back story - my parents split up when I was seven, and lived with my dad. He died in a car crash when I was 17, and she felt that it would be difficult for me to live with her as we didn't really know each other. I accepted this and moved on.
She wants to be involved with the children, who are almost all adults now, and while I don't hold a grudge, this year is difficult as husband has been sacked from his job he held over 40 years and we're working on court submissions for tribunal in September, DS1 has various residential over summer and DD1 is working.
She called yesterday asking when she could visit and my anxiety kicked in.e is
She is kind, can't face a visit, but at the same time realise she's in her 80s.