50/50 custody for shift workers

[Purpleturtle43]

My friend is going through a divorce with 3 young children, he has just moved out but house not in a fit state for the children to stay yet.

He is adamant he wants 50/50 custody but works shifts which change every week and he has no family support. Currently he is expecting her to work 50/50 custody around his shifts which he often gets at short notice and can frequently change. He has spoken to his boss and this best they can do is give him 2 set days off a week but he could be on a late shift the night before or an early the day after those 2 days so only can guarantee to have the kids on the same day ibe night a week.

I think he either has to look for a new job or admit that he can't do 50/50 with his current set up as it's not fair on her to never be able to make plans for herself or for the kids in case he is off. She is a teacher and also doesn't seem to to realise 50/50 also means during the school holidays.

She doesn't want to go to court but I think he is leaving her with no other option as he is being so stubborn. He is also crap at communicating with her, part of the reason they are getting divorced. Any experience of what courts expect in this situation would be good?

He’s being a dick.

The kids are at school Monday to Friday so every other weekend would be my starting point with negotiation and the courts would agree as seeing their parents and their respective sides of the family is important.

She wouldn’t be made to work around his shifts. She needs to know which days he’s working so she can work more to increase her income. Him keeping his current job and her continuing to work around that job part time and receiving no child maintenance is abusive imo.

How old are the kids ? If they are say 11+ then their opinion will matter. If they say no to 50/50 then it won’t happen.

Does he have a mother living locally or partner ? Men like this often end up using the women in their life for childcare.

If he can’t have the kids reliably during term time then more time during the school holidays might help make more time. School holidays are 13 weeks so it won’t be 50/50 but it will be much easier to him to organise time off as school holiday dates are announced in advance.

I did shift work as a single parent by having family support in place, which realistically meant that person couldn't do anything ad hoc.
I also had back up plans A,B and C. It still didn't always work out

That's great when it works and everyone is happy. Her ex might not be fussed about making plans in advance with his friends but my friend would like to be able to do that and also book holiday etc without having to wait until the week before. It would also require good communication which he doesn't have form for. Plus the kids need stability and to know where they are going when.

Kids are all 10 and under and he has zero family support. I feel for him too as it's obviously not easy for him but in the circumstances he has to think about what's best for the children and not going after 50/50 regardless. He is putting himself at the centre of all the decision making instead of the kids.

Currently he is expecting her to work 50/50 custody around his shifts which he often gets at short notice and can frequently change

This is an expectation for someone you're married to. If they're divorcing that's just not on. Her life doesn't have to fit round his anymore.

Exactly!

I think it’s got to be a personal decision of your friends. I agree that she shouldn’t have to accept that BUT it’s about the kids isn’t it. What would be in the kids best interests and what can she reasonably do to support it.

Most people wouldn’t want to have to work around his shifts, but perhaps it’s worth it to give the kids good access to both parents.

Is communication good between the two of them? If the answer is no then this is never going to work.

Working her teacher life around his shifts is part of being married. She doesn't need to do that now, in my opinion.

I think this has all of the makings of a really tough time for the kids not knowing the routine.

If the rota was given out a month at a time in advance, and communication was good then it could work. But otherwise it sounds like he will tell her weekly and mum and the kids have to bend to his every whim. They would never be able to book in a playdate, holiday, tickets, extracurriculars, nothing at all. Sounds like madness to me.

If work are unable to make reasonable adjustments beyond the same two.days a week off, then he needs to.decide if seeing his kids is worth more than his sleep and have them those two days every week no matter what.