To think that porn should be illegal unless you specifically opt in

[Balloonatastic]

I am 40 and I think I’ve been deeply damaged by porn. Now I’m ‘sober’ as it were, but have come round to the view that its prevalence is so harmful for relationships and young people.

I’m not against it per se. If people like it and can use it healthily then perhaps that’s OK.
Pre-internet, people’s access to it was much less and involved them actively going to a shop or newsagent or whatever. The embarrassment must have put most people off and limited demand.

Now demand is huge. The industry is massive, and ever more participants in it are harmed as producers chase customers and performers need to do more extreme things.

So AIBU to think that we should go back to a situation where people have to actively opt in to be able to access adult websites? Bring back an embarrassment factor. I sometimes wonder whether this would have the knock on impact of reducing the demand for nude selfies etc that teenagers get into because there would just be less nakedness generally on peoples screens, if you know what I mean.

Age verification is all well and good but I wonder whether we should make it much harder for people to access porn.

I know that my life would have been better without it.

the thing is shut of the internet and you still have porn, then more adult shops and we still have ann summers so how can sex be made to be seen as embarissing when ann summers has various vibrators and other equipment for women ? @Balloonatastic

Because it’s considered dirty and shameful, I guess. Wrongly, obviously, but still.

It’s why I have no problem discussing the fact that I masturbate on here anonymously but have almost never discussed it in person with anyone.

the thing is shut of the internet and you still have porn,

Porn - or "porn" has been around since before we could write. Although I guess it must have been slightly controlled even then otherwise how else would we have learned to write.

Also one persons porn is another persons picture of feet if you define pornography as "material intended to provoke sexual arousal".

Of course you’d still have porn. But there’d be much less of it and it would be much harder to access.

Ann Summers sells sex toys, and obviously some people have no issue buying them from a shop. But I suspect most people buy them online due to the anonymity and lack of embarrassment. I know I have in the past.

thnensales would go to mail order, etc if plus porn magazines top row of various shops etc not everyone would be embarrassed etc alot would not

I’m not sure about the “shame” and make it “shameful” is helpful. I thought we had moved beyond that. The websites should have some sort of way to prove you are an adult and maybe some addiction warning, like with gambling “when the fun stops stop” that sort of thing

Of course you’d still have porn. But there’d be much less of it and it would be much harder to access.

I take it you didn't grow up in the 80s. None of the lads I knew had any problem getting hold of porn (there was a thriving market at school). Maybe growing up in leafy Harrow made a difference #'

Masturbation isn’t shameful, but I don’t think it would be a bad thing to suggest that porn use is. It involves trading women’s safety for your pleasure. When I came to realise this point it altered my view of porn completely. It’s not harmless, and porn users support a horrible business.

but then people using only fans to increase the desires and availability ? because to some they see it as easy ££

Going back to the 80s is sort of what I’m suggesting. There is a huge difference between a tatty edition of Readers Wives that’s sniggered at as it’s passed between teenage boys, and those same teenage boys going home and having free access to endless video content of every imaginable sexual scenario.
The rise in women reporting injuries obtained during sex has gone up massively in recent years. Choking and anal sex are now much more prevalent, and it’s all down to porn.

There needs to be more education about porn. People genuinely don’t understand the risks of porn use. We need to speak about it openly, and talk about the scientific studies that prove porn use changes your neural pathways (quite quickly too!)

We need to understand the numbing effect on the brain that shuts down our ability to experience intimacy and closeness with a partner. We begin to see other people as sex objects, and objectify them in disgusting, misogynistic ways. So porn-sick men in the office will be imagining you bent over the desk naked while you’re in a meeting, and think those things about almost every woman he sees. That’s what porn videos do to the brain.

We should know the dangers of it making us only respond to audio-visual stimuli so eventually we can ONLY be aroused by watching porn. How it causes erectile dysfunction to the point where a user needs to masturbate numerous times a day and can’t get hard even while they’re wanking. ED used to be rare in men under 40. Now 10% of 18-39 years olds are sufferers.

We need to look at the damage it’s doing to young boys. One mental health charity estimates that 2/3 of teenage boys use porn daily and would meet the criteria for addiction. That is fucking terrifying. They’re growing up thinking that women are walking sex dolls, there to be choked and degraded. It’s no wonder Andrew Tate appeals to them.

Add that to the sex trafficking and rape, the drug/alcohol abuse among actors, the horrendous bodily damage done to actors (how many other industries routinely have a medical doctor on set to stitch up torn vaginas and rectums?). I could go on all day. It’s just fucking vile, all of it. If people stopped burying their heads in the sand and read up on it, maybe if they’re not a psychopath they’ll be so disgusted that porn would become a massive turn off?

Masturbation isn’t shameful,

Maybe you're doing it wrong ?

Oh and while I’m up here on my soapbox can we stop confusing porn and masturbation. Masturbation without porn is perfectly healthy (and quite lovely!) Being anti-porn is nothing to do with prudishness, but every time anyone speaks out they’re called a prude.

Exactly this. I still masturbate regularly. I no longer use porn. It makes no difference at all to my pleasure or satisfaction, it just means that nobody gets hurt by me masturbating.

to phase out porn from society you also need to stop any sex scenes in films / tv, shut only fans etc

I have never seen it so i haven't opted in or out it just doesn't exist for me as I dont seek it out, wouldnt you have to look for it to find it?

How about sex scenes in books ? Songs ?

No you don’t. There is a huge difference between a sex scene on TV that adds context to a show in a discreet way, and a porn scene which is exclusively about sex and which shows actual sex acts, clearly shows genitals, has things like external ejaculation and anal sex as standard, and portrays female bodies as hairless, fake-boobed semen receptacles.

That's an interesting worldview.

Remember, roughly one third of women in the UK and US read at least one book from the 50 Shades series, and 68% of the people who went to see the film were women.

Seems quite a lot of us are extremely cool with the exact thing you're blaming on men.

it all adds influence and desire in society and normalise it, take it all away and it fades from society other wise how does the scenes from game of thrones add to societys perception of sex, or the scenes in tv show Spartacus etc then the tv show with billie piper secret dairy of a call girl etc ( 4 seasons i may add)

not to mention the amout of female authors that write erotica too, that fuels the sex industry

No society in history has ever effectively defined pornography beyond "I know what it is when I see it".

And banning things inevitably leads to an illegal market and higher stakes for those prepared to take risks. And those high stakes inevitably find their way back into the political process to ensure that those that have profited continue to do so.

I can define it now. Erect penis, actual penetration or oral sex, actual ejaculation, There you go.

Do you not think that there is a difference between a fictional book/mainstream movie and watching a 16 year old being raped on camera while you wank over it?