AIBU to interfere in DS(18) relationship? He’s been with his GF(18) for eighteen months. GF has a difficult background and practically lived with us for the first eight months of their relationship. We welcomed her as part of our family, fed her, washed her clothes, bought college textbooks, took her on holiday abroad, meals out, etc. Our concerns started when she made some thoughtless comments about gay and disabled people. This progressed to her making hurtful comments to our DD(20) and also to myself.
She cuts DS hair (no hairdressing experience!) and has insisted on changes to his clothes and eyebrows. She has gradually distanced him from his friends and encouraged him to cut all ties with his eldest sister.
At this point we banned her from our house as DD was very upset and avoiding being at home.
They now have constant loud conversations over FaceTime, which we can hear from outside his bedroom. She regularly berates him about “mistakes” he has made. She has called him a “sick bstard” and a “sick fck”. He often becomes distressed and tries to end the conversations but she keeps calling him back. We have overheard her telling our son that she hates us, that we don’t give him enough money, that we treat his two sisters more favourably, that my husband is “f*cking dumb”.
We also heard him on the phone at 2am, chanting over and over that a girl he used to like at school “is a fcking cnt and I hate her”. We questioned him about this and it turns out GF was making him prove that he no longer likes this girl from school. She is extremely insecure and constantly questions DS about his commitment to her.
Worryingly, they are talking about getting married and having children in the future.
DH and I have tried several times to point out that her behaviour is not normal and is very concerning to us. DS just says he doesn’t find her controlling and she just “worries a lot”.
We feel he is in an abusive relationship and his self-confidence is being destroyed.
Does anyone have any advice on how we can address this? I’ve found a charity dealing with domestic abuse in teenage relationships but their advice is just to keep being supportive to DS and not criticise his girlfriend.
I feel helpless and am desperately worried about my son being treated this way.