Is it normal not to have any meet ups or playdates or AIBU

[Redbrickhouse22]

DS is finishing his second year in primary school, while I try to be friendly im not close with any of the other parents except a quick nod hello in the morning, DS has gone to lots of parties and attends sports clubs during the week.
Ive just met up with of a few of my friends I know from outside of DS school and most have had regular playdates, sleepovers, take kids out from their childs class regularly and I suppose Im realising that we just dont have that relationship with any of the kids/parents from the class. AIBU to think its just bad luck/mix of certain parents or is it me? Im pretty sure some of the other kids have had playdates with each other though dont know the details. Just looking some perspective, DS is our first child so dont know what's normal these days

Thanks, he's very social and does see friends at sports groups etc including the weekend. I think its more comparing myself to my friends that have much more interaction with school parents and playdates etc

DD’s best friends mum didn’t know me at all, we had never met before and she made a bee line for me as soon as she could. She is now definitely someone I consider a dear friend. I live somewhere fairly transient and people are busy with their own lives but I have never ever turned down a playdate because I’m not friendly with the parent first. If their child and mine happily play then I will definitely go. There are people who need to be friends with the children’s parents but there equally quite a few of us who do playdates pretty much entirely for our kids benefit.

It is daunting, it feels like you are asking someone out on an actual date. My husband asked another dad for a playdate and he was actually a bit nervous (and texting me things like “HE SAID YES!). My husband is one of the most assertive people I know but he still found the whole thing a bit unnerving. Extroverts probably cope better but I didn’t find it easy at first. But you can usually find a few people who will be up for it.

I think it depends on your family circumstances. I have 5 children and they would often have a friend to play after school and have tea - not unusual for me to have 7 or 8 children to feed at teatime! But I was lucky that I only worked school hours so was able to have friends home after school. If you work full time and your child is in after school club or being looked after by grandparents, you're obviously restricted in the week. Maybe having a friend over Saturday afternoon or meeting up at the park would work?

That can’t be normal, surely? My kids had weekly play dates from the start of primary school. I can’t imagine not encouraging this if they’re happy with it. I’m not a hugely sociable person but didn’t want that for them. They can decide not to be when they’re older, if they want!

I'd say you are at both extremes of this question.

I'd say it was quite unusual to have gone through 7 years of Primary school without ever having a friend round to play, but I'd also say that having people round every week was jright at the opposite end of the continuum.

We probably have at least 1 play date per kid per week BUT I work flexible hours and have 1 full day off a week so am in the playground twice a day. At early primary years play dates were generally after school as families kept weekend for themselves/family. Older primary years tend to spill in to weekends after clubs etc or day trips to parks/museums etc. The huge benefit is shared care/emergency cover. Say someone to collect dd2 if dd1 is home ill, or if you run late for pick-up. No one would think twice of dropping a line in the class WhatsApp asking for help and most people pitch in.

My dgs is an only child in year 3. Popular at school & he has his cousins at the same school so his play dates/sleepovers are with them. His other dgp pick him up from school & a lot of kids, including him, go to the park right by school most days to let off steam. Then there's extra curricular activities so not much scope for play dates outside of the extended family. He's a happy & sociable little boy so his set up seems to be ok. It's hard for parents who work full time to facilitate this on a regular basis imo

@CarpetKneesnot really! Perfectly normal for us and the others at their primary school, which was great.

Playdates are more likely if the parents are friends. Do you have other parent friends at the school? You probably need to make the first move and get chatting.

My DD is in Y6 and has had two or three playdates and been to a couple of parties. DS in Y2 hasn't had any of either.

They go to a school where a very high proportion of the families don't celebrate birthdays or really mix with people from other cultures outside of school. It took me a little while to get my head around that but my two are just used to it! They've both got lots of friends but they only see them at school, and seem happy with that. They go to Beavers/Guides so socialise there as well.

I have three DC and I find with each child there is a different class dynamic so no right or wrong it’s just bad luck sometimes. DC3 started school last September and a lovely group of parents in her class. People are nice and friendly even though we haven’t had many play dates as we are busy but everyone is approachable even though its usually drop and dash off in the morning on their way to work but it’s a lovely vibe if that makes sense. Lots of parties this year and all whole class parties so lots of mingling at those. DC2 the parents were head and eyes down and no one smiled or chatted at all. It was weird and DC1 was a mixture between them both