Parents didn’t come to 1st birthday party

[JustPassingBy25]

Last grandchild and they didn’t come.Small get together in our home inviting just them & sister due to family politics.Said they won’t come due to eldest brother moaning they have not been invited.Never had a positive relationship with them for many reasons hence no invite & kept iit minimal.Was planning to go Disney but didn’t as I thought aging parents & last grandchild.Few months in and I’m still very upset about it all.I’ve voiced it to my parents & they just haven’t apologised & just brush it under the carpet - always have been this way.Alongside this feel like I’ve been just having the piss taken out of me.After having second & reallh long recovery due to third degree tearing & I still went by to immediate family members home to drop off cards / gift money through various events yet they have not done the same and still have negative things to say. How would you handle this? It’s completely thrown me off and it’s been the icing on the top as I’ve unfortunately always had to deal with coercive behaviours growing up

Sorry I wouldn’t have been bothered about if they attended 1st birthday of one of my kids or not. But I mostly invited friends to parties . 1 year old wouldn’t t get much out of Disney either

With people who fail to make you a priority in their lives I’ve found it important - purely for the sake of self preservation - to start following suit. You can’t make up for their lack of effort by overreaching on your part and you’ll just be annoyed at yourself later on if you try. Best to just accept them for what they are and pull back. Confrontations won’t help - they will always think they’re in the right and take any animosity as proof of that. You don’t have to invite anyone to your home you don’t want to and if that’s their excuse, bugger them.

I’d just leave them alone, tbh. There’s so many posts on here from people whose families consistently let them down, but they keep going back to the well. Just…stop.

Their loss.

My Ds is 5 years. I think his grandparents first saw him at 18 months old. Then about 3 times since. They buy the obligatory Xmas gift off an amazon wish list to appear involved but really it’s very little.

Frankly ds has more contact with our neighbours

Totally get this but it’s bit of a tradition for us.Disney wise we have been multiple times and 1 year old would love it even now so plan to go soon anyway but point was that I didn’t book it for birthday due to them

They're coercive abusers that you don't have a good relationship with. Welcome their lack of interest in your child, match their energy.

Have a look at the Stately Homes thread, or the Let Them book.

Being related to dicks is rubbish, but you can carve out a blissful life for yourself.

I think when they said that, I'd have just said "Well, that's a shame. I would have thought you would want to build a relationship with all your grandchildren", but then, as pps have said, match the lack of interest and get on with doing things you enjoy without tip-toeing round them.
If they aren't interested, create your own community with dp's family or with friends or whoever enhances your lives, not those that just drain them.