To think parents (especially mums) can’t bloody win

[4pmwinetimebebeh]

Took DC to the park today (age 6 and 9). Safe park in nice area, very familiar. They were running round playing in the bushes and I was catching up on some life admin on my phone (booking summer holiday clubs!). A lady walked up to me and said something along the lines of ‘get off your phone and supervise your kids properly, parents these days don’t bloody look after their kids’. I looked up expecting the kids to be crying/bleeding/taking drugs- no they were just playing nicely about 20 feet away.

As she walked off I realised it was a lady from my street, I don’t think she recognised me but I did her. We are friends on Facebook due to having a neighbourhood watch type group and she’s the type to relentlessly post about the ‘good old days’. Recently she posted about how from 5 kids were let out to roam, only came in when streetlights came on etc and how this generation are ruining kids with their helicopter parenting.

I was a bit upset by her comment as no one likes their parenting criticised but then I started feeling angry. It’s so bloody hard to be a parent these days. Promote independence but keen an eye on them, don’t interfere but make sure you follow their every move online. Give them freedom to roam but heaven forbid you look at your phone for one moment.

Im exhausted. And I have (generally) nice well behaved kids with no SEN. It’s bloody hard work being a parent these days the pressure is immense!

Take a book next time, phones are sapping our immortal souls.

I’ve had a twat pf a lady say that to me… while I was pushing a sleeping DD round Asda and looking at the shopping list on my phone.

Some people just have shitty lives, so like to make other people feel bad so they are less alone.

I agree to an extent but everything needs to be done on phones now! It just drives me mad I would never openly criticise anyone for anything unless it was actively dangerous or super antisocial.

Yanbu Your kids are 6 and 9 their not babies and you have ears. It's better then them being stuck inside on screens why you do life admin. It would be different if they where misbehaving or it was somewhere dangerous but their kids in a park. It's not completely out of the ordinary for kids this age to go themselves to the park so the fact you was even their is a bonus

If you start taking comments about your parenting or your children personally, you will drive yourself crazy. Ignore, and/ or laugh at her.

My favourite is people horrified about children given a tablet in a restaurant (a SILENT tablet I must add) especially on holiday. You know what, I've spent the entire day entertaining my kids, and will do again later. I sit down for a meal, or a drink, I need a break and I am taking it. My kids will survive despite having 1 hour on a tablet.

People who abandon their kids in a soft play drive me insane, but being on your phone while you keep an eye on your kids is not the same!

Difficult to book holiday club on a book though.

OP you should’ve timed her to mind her own business!

In "her day" kids were sent out to play alone with zero parental supervision. If that's even if they were at the park, most kids got up to no good thar would make most people shudder nowadays. The fact you were even there is a step up from most parents of the past!

I agree, everything parents do is criticised these days. It's like people don't remember that there were plenty of unruly kids in the past, children playing out on the street alone from about 4yo, 13yos babysitting for practical strangers, vandalism, under age drugs/drinking/sex, higher rates of teen pregnancy. I struggle to see why people think parents of today are worse than they were in the past and are deserving of criticism.

YANBU OP. At a comparably age to your two, I walked to local shops alone at the weekend to spend my pocket money. I looked out for my younger brother and cousins, knew how to press the button for the green man to cross the one busy road. Zero issues.

Also, I played outside after school aged 6-7 in our dead end drive and the surrounding countryside, either alone or with 1 friend. Loved the freedom of climbing trees, practising ball skills, roller skating, etc. I’m now 39, this wasn’t that long ago.

Years ago your presence wouldn’t even necessarily have been required at the park at all. It is impossible to watch for every second. I understand the amount of things that need sorting via a phone for chikdren these days. My only wish for you is that you’d had that time to chill, sip a tea or even be using the phone for something for you.

It hurts when people make comments like that, but try not to let it get you down 😊

Yes, it's shit and hypocritical. Studies seem to show parents spending more time with their kids these days, rather than less. Despite more working etc. no wonder everyone's frazzled!

People are judgemental about phones/devices. Which I kind of get, they are terrible for all of us. But the device may be new, but not the concept. I remember spending a lot of the 90s walking around reading and ignoring the world going by. And in any case not specifically in your instance - your neighbour wouldn't have been on her phone then, but she wouldn't have even in the park - the kids would have taken themselves!

Most life admin for parents is now done on the phone via apps. I try to leave things for the evening but sometimes bills need paying, money needs transferring or a kid's club needs booking before the spaces run out.

Even if you don't scroll, you might still be on it for a moment.

You absolutely can’t win though. Any of the alternative options you had would be criticised:

• Stay at home to do you admin tasks- your kids need to go outside, they need to turn off the TV.
• Watch like a hawk at the park- you are stifling their resilience and independence.
• Do your tasks at another time- they are missing out on something else.

You absolutely cannot win OP. So just keep making your own decisions that feel right for you moment to moment, that’s all we can do.

That’s so bloody rude. I took my kids to soft play last weekend and sewed a badge onto my ds2’s beavers jumper while we were there. A couple of people gave me funny looks, as if I should be chasing them round the soft play area. The kids regularly came back to check in (mostly because they were hungry!) and I did check on them every so often. But they are 7 and 10 ffs I think they’d be embarrassed if I came on the slides with them these days 😂😂

Why the need to mention no SEN? Plenty of 6&9 year old kids with SEN can play 20ft from their mum and also be well behaved 🙄

She's obviously one of those people who moan that kids are stuck inside playing video games all day then moans when she sees kids playing in the street. Ignore.

I can see both sides of the argument but it ultimately boils down to some old woman's romanticised version of child rearing.

You can guarantee if phones were around 50 years ago she'd have been the exact same.

Sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes I just need a break. I'm still doing the best I can.

I'd have given you a funny look and it would have been envy at your organisational skills in remembering to take everything you needed with you. I'd have forgotten the thread or something!

It's impossible to say

Some old people are really nasty and love having a go.

Some parents let their kids run riot

You would have to have been there and see it to say who was in the wrong.

🤣🤣🤣 Far from all though. My DS1 couldn't be left alone for a second or he would get into trouble. At 6 and at 9 I shadowed him in the playground to watch him but also to explain others to him. Never put my arse on a bench or scrolled on a phone or all hell would break loose. But you know what? A bitchy mum still found something to complain about : "Oh, Arcticpandas think that the playground is for parents to play in as well." You just can't win whatever you do.

I wouldn't have said it but I kind of agree.

I work at a family attraction that also has a play park and parents seem to be on their phones the majority of the time.

Makes no difference if it's 'life admin', Facebook or Mumsnet.

I think a lot of SEN children would need very close supervision at 6, many wouldn't have the same level of risk awareness.

Sorry this wasn’t meant as a criticism or an assumption children with SEN are more badly behaved at all, I just mean even without any additional needs I’m knackered, I’ve got friends with children with complex SEN and I can’t begin to imagine how they’re feeling.

I've got a SEN child. I didn't take it as a criticism at all. SEN children do need more supervision than other children their age.

I spend loads of time with my child playing, reading to him etc. If he's happy playing at home I'm reading the paper or cracking on with the house work or god forbid on instagram for ten minutes. If I've taken him somewhere like soft play or a park to play and he's happy then I'm hopefully chatting to someone else but if not then what's the harm in cracking on with some life admin. Children don't need you hovering all the time.

I often read books on my phone as well- you have no idea what the phone is being used for (not saying books better or worse).

I think your children would be highly embarrassed if you were to get up and play with them in the park - I bet they love the limited freedom it gives them.
But not all children are well enough trained to stay in sight and short distance, and I do see parents expecting the others around them to keep watch.

I do see parents so engrossed that they would not even notice their children are there, and often parents wheeling screaming toddlers around while talking on their phones.