to loathe my neighbour for never ending complaints?

[Torties]

Two years ago, on the coldest day of the year, my pipes froze like many other peoples pipes in the city. The result was that when I turned on my washing machine that day, it dropped down into her house instead of out of the outside pipe. She was livid about it, shouted, slammed a door in my face etc. I apologised but obviously I hadn't meant it.

I explained the issue and her insurance covered it but we didn't speak for a year. She then left a series of notes through my door like 'your washing machine is shaking and its shaking my pictures on the walls, you NEED to fix this.' Finally I got a new washing machine and thought that would be that.

Today, she knocks on the door and tells me she thinks I have a plumbing problem and to 'come outside with me.' I did this and she said 'I noticed a small amount of water coming from the pipe on the outside wall, I think you have a boiler issue.' She then asked me into her home, pointed to the OLD stain from the washing machine on the ceiling and said 'hmm I worry this stain is actually from your boiler not the washing machine.' I assured her it was the old stain as my boiler's placement was nowhere near enough making this possible.

I love my flat but I am beginning to hate living here five years in. She's retired and seems to always be on the lookout for issues. She's forever leaving sticking notes on doors moaning to various people. On top of this, my dad used to work with her and said she was universally disliked for her attitude.

Now I feel I'm always placating her/waiting for that knock at the door. I feel like telling her to just fuck off. Am I unreasonable here? How would you deal with her?

I wonder if she is anxious because of the previous damage. I'm not sure how she ended up claiming on her own insurance if it was damage your end. That probably put her premiums up. It sounds like there was actually something wrong with your machine so it's understandable she got worried . I would try and be empathetic. It doesn't sound like loads of complaints

I’ve got a similar neighbour. I no longer engage with her and post all notes back through her letterbox

@Pieandchips999 the main issue I have with her is the fact she screamed in my face and slammed a door the time I went to apologise. I found this shocking and uncalled for.

I was empathetic about the washing machine issue but I remember thinking 'I bet now I have this new washing machine she'll find something else.' It IS causing me distress.

@huffdragon great tactic.

I feel like she thinks I'm a pushover. I try to placate her including today when I said I'll get the boiler look at - but I find I struggle to actually stick up for myself while not ruining the neighbour relationship!

My dad told me at work she was known as a nightmare manager and he was one of three people who want to her leaving do she was so disliked. At first I felt sorry for her, but now I feel like I get it...

From what you've said it isn't never ending complaints. This time may be over the top but water ingress to a ceiling is unnerving - the water could be coming through the middle of the ceiling but the source could be a corner or vice versa. It's stressful.

Also how do you know what she showed you is the old stain?

Her insurance premiums will have gone up because of your leaking washing machine.

No she shouldn't scream or slam the door in your face but I doubt she did actually scream. Probably faced with your blasé attitude she was just a bit louder than normal.

Perhaps stop trying to placate her. A friend of mine says ‘thanks for letting me know’ to things like that and then does nothing. You could do that and then tell her to stop writing you notes.

@Liverpool52 I know it's the old stain because she showed it to me at the time. The new machine is fantastic and hasn't leaked once. My attitude was hardly blase, i had a plumber out that day within an hour or two.

@Torties which should have been rectified if insurance was claimed. Odd though that her insurance covered it and her premiums went up, rather than yours for a problem from your flat.

Odd that she had to go through her insurance when the issue was in your house. I'm not surprised that she's annoyed about that, she's probably paying for it through her premium.

Regardless, you don't have to engage with anyone who screams in your face or slams doors on you if you don't want to. It just depends on how confrontational you want to be. "Fuck off" is a full sentence, but it isn't going to do anything positive for neighborly relations, if that's something you're bothered about.

A cooler head might write her a letter saying that you recognize the breakdown in communication, but her screaming at you, coupled with the constant post-it notes, is causing you fear and distress. You consider this to be harassing behavior as set out in the Protection from Harassment Act (1997), and may take further action if it continues.

Be aware before taking legal steps though, that if you own your flat and wish to sell, you're legally obligated to inform prospective buyers about any neighbor disputes.

From what you've posted it seems like she's a generally difficult person and not just with you. If that's true, she's unlikely to change her ways at this stage in her life, so your best bet might be to bin the post-its, not answer the door and avoid engaging with her.

I live in a flat above a neighbour like this . My former partner used to bend over backwards to keep him happy … the washing machine was too loud and shaking his flat , so we only put it on when he was at work … my sons speaker was too loud . We stopped him using it . He could hear my partner walking across in his work boots , the kitchen drawer was too loud , we breathed too much …
Each time my partner would apologise and move heaven and earth to please him …

then my partner died and I took over the tenancy and none of the above happens now. I no longer give a shit what he moans about and funny enough the moaning has stopped !!! He moaned coz my dog was barking coz he had separation anxiety and I didn’t realise so he came banging my door and 7 years of moaning had just got to me and I let rip at him and basically told him in no uncertain terms to get a ####ing life !!! If he wants to live in silence don’t live in a block of flats that you can hear every noise from everyone . I went MAD at him and he run to the landlord . But funnily enough in 2.5 years he has only complained once and that was my sons speaker which was sat on the table with no bass and was basically like the volume of a tv and I told him this and he walked back into his flat and slammed the door and I haven’t heard anything since !
and when I’ve spoke to neighbours no one else has heard anything either . He used to moan about everyone in the block constantly . He was a bully to women especially but no way was he gonna bully me !!!

Stand up to your neighbour , just tell her youl have a look at the problem and walk off . Don’t give them the attention and eventually they will get bored .

@torties She sounds like a pain but I can also see that a retired person’s insurance premiums increasing because of damage that you caused might make her concerned that it’ll happen again. You don’t know her financial position.

That's how it works with flats, unless negligence can be proved.

Another perplexed that you were not left to pick up the damage tab via your insurance? Also, why does she still have the stain? Your insurance should have covered a new paint job to her ceiling caused by your damage.

Starting to think there may be a point to her angst.

Just get your pipes lagged and your boiler serviced. It’s not that hard. Too right neighbour’s complaining. I would be livid if someone else damaged my property.

surely your insurance should have paid for her damage (which should have included repainting etc.

Get your boiler serviced and get all your pipes checked. Then you can politely refer her to this.

However, also: if she thinks the stain is getting bigger, she should draw round it in pencil and check periodically to see if it is getting outside the lines. If it is, then there is an issue. If not, she can repaint.

I don't blame her for worrying, you have damaged her property in the past and you are ignoring the fact that there may still be problems.

ETA: also, how old are you? IME complaints of "shouting" and "screaming" are often people just talking more emphatically than usual (often because the other person is being too blasé and not taking the problem seriously)

The OP needs to have been negligent in order for the neighbour's insurance to claim from hers. If it's a one off incident that the OP couldn't have predicted would happen, and fixed as soon as she was aware of the issue, there's no negligence.

But why did she have to claim on her own insurance (which probably sent her premiums up) for damage caused by you (unintentionally)? And why has she still got to look at the stain on her ceiling caused by a problem in your flat? Wouldn't your own insurance have covered "making good" the damage to her flat?

No, that's not how it works with flats, unless negligence can be proved in which case the insurance of the damaged flat would claim against the insurance of the originator flat.

With flats, the flat with the damage is the one that has to claim.

You would think that's how it would work with insurance, but it isn't. The flat sustaining the damage is the one that has to claim on their insurance.

It's just not how it works with insurance in flats.

Having dirty water pouring into your home from someone above must be very traumatic. She clearly thinks that either your home is faulty, or your appliances are, or you're not maintaining the place or keeping an eye on things properly.

It's not really fair as accidents happen and it seems it may have become an obsession.

I think you could just say, with respect until there actually is a leak into your property from mine there's nothing to discuss on that front.

If you are making sure there's no leaks then just don't engage on that subject at all.

She needs a pre paint coating so the stain doesn't seep through the paint

Why did she use her insAurance for your problem pipes? The invariance should have given it a proper paint job

Has your boiler been serviced ed? For about £60 it's good to do this anyway ready for winter and it'll mean you can say it's been checked

Home insurance doesn't work like car insurance which is why she would have claimed her own. Her insurers would only pursue the ops insurers if there had been negligence which there clearly has not been.

Regarding her complaints, I feel like she just sounds really anxious about her property being damaged again. It wasn't your fault OP but I do understand her worry. I'm not sure what you can do. Perhaps talk to her, let her know you understand her worry but it really was just an unfortunate one off and your pipes/boiler etc are all regularly maintained. Maybe ask if there's anything you can do to ease her worries. There won't be but it might get her off your back a bit.

What pipe is water coming out of outside? Is it an overflow pipe or the boiler extractor, post a photo if you can. I'd get a full boiler check anyway and think about a vibration mat under the washing machine. If her insurance covered the leak why is the stain still there, it should have been sealed and painted, is it damp to the touch? Is there a residents association or management company in the block.