Grandfather is a disgusting man, but family play nice.

[myfriendsfamily]

My grandfather is a horrible, disgusting man. He physically abused my Mum and her siblings many times during their childhood, including raping my Mum and her sister. He went to prison for this for just a couple of years, many years ago. While he has never shown me or my siblings any contempt, he often gets very drunk and will call my mother to vent, which can sometimes get nasty.

My Mum and some of her siblings will still see my grandfather. My siblings (there’s 5 of us) will also still see him. I cannot. I don’t want this man anywhere near me or my children.

Despite all my family knowing what he did and agreeing that he is a horrible man, they will still see him and shower him with affection, particularly on social media.

I truly believe this is money motivated because he is in poor health and has a lot of money saved. He is very generous with his money to those he sees. The family hasn’t always been this kind and loving towards him, it’s very new.

There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it but it has really changed my perspective on my family. I don’t want a penny from him and don’t understand why this matters so much to my family.

Anyway, I had wondered how common this was? Keeping unpleasant or abusive family members around for their money?

I would go NC with the lot of them. Horrible people with no.morals

Very common. But families will fawn and placate dominant abusers and absent fathers even when no money is at issue. Its all about dominance and submission. The gifts (he us generous) and the promise of some inheritance are almist beside the point. For some of his victims the attention is enough. For others they may see it as some kind of owed recompense.

It's the FOG.

Stick to your guns, @myfriendsfamily . He's repellent and their attitude is too.

Sadly I think this is common where large sums of money is involved. I would be like you and cut him off. He did the worst possible thing to his child and should not have the benefit of family now.

if they are doing it for money then they are as disgusting as he is. I do not blame you for not putting your kids at risk sod the lot of them, they are not worth your time

From your account of your grandfather's physical and sexual abuse, including the rape of two of his own daughters, surely no amount of money would be worth sucking up to this monster of a man?

Your's is the corrrect stance and surely any money his other relatives receive from him would feel tainted and like blood money.

You are doing the right thing.

I have been no contact with my abusive parents for 10 years. Many family members do not talk to me as a result. Those that do still wrr always the nicer ones anyway.

You are protecting your children. No amount of money would be worth it if they were also abused.

And sadists like that usually to some messed up thing with their money in their wills, there's no guarantee their ass kissing will gain them anything at all.

I think it’s incredibly common and has nothing to do with money, it’s very much denial (dissociation to an extent for those who were abused) and just wanting to keep up appearances.

Dh and I each have a close family member who is a convicted child sexual abuser in our respective families. So two different men, don’t even know each other. Besides us, only the abuser’s daughters (some of whom were abused) are NC with them. Everyone else, so we’re talking probably 75 people across both our families, just pretends like it didn’t happen. None of them are lined up for an inheritance. They just don’t want to be difficult and make a fuss. It’s easier to play happy families.

We are NC and have nothing to do with either of them, but both still have partners, get invited to all the family events (we don’t! 😂). I have absolutely no regrets though. Shame loves secrecy and I refuse to play the game and keep anyone’s secrets.