To ask my toddler to be quiet while the baby is sleeping?

[postmanshere]

Please be kind, trying to navigate this. My 3 year old is loud. All the time. Especially when she plays. I have a 5 week old who is constantly being woken up by her. I feel mean telling her to be quiet because she’s just being a kid and she didn’t ask to have to share her space with a baby. But it’s exhausting consistently having to put the baby back to sleep after she’s woken up 30 seconds after I put her down. And telling the toddler to be quiet every two minutes, only for her to have a tantrum over it. Is it unreasonable to request quiet?

It’s a hard situation and depends what you mean by noise really. Kids don’t play silently, especially not 3 year olds. Asking for a few mins of peace is doable but expecting a 3 year old to be quiet for the entire duration of a 5 week olds nap isn’t realistic.

Is it unreasonable to request quiet?

I think it is from a toddler to be fair.

Can the toddler have her nap at the same time as the baby?

Honestly, I think you're gonna have to suck this one up.

Nah get your toddler to keep playing, babies who need silence to sleep are harder to get to sleep and stay sleeping. The best piece of advice a friend gave me when I was pregnant was be noisy when they're sleeping so they get used to it, my now 5yo will sleep through a rock band.

Couldn’t the baby nap in a different room?

A 3 year old has to learn to respect others. Of course he could be quieter. Good training for school. Read to him. That’s what I did. It’s really unpleasant meeting loud dc who are never required to be quiet or think of others. Good time to start!

Yes I guess so. I’ve been telling myself this all day that she’s only 3, she doesn’t understand fully. She just wants to play and gets excited over what she’s doing. Its just so hot and having the baby wanting to be constantly held because she’s keeps being woken up is so sticky and overstimulating!

It's reasonable to teach a toddler to be quietER at certain times but a toddlers entire life is playing and learning through playing. They'll never be silent. What does she play that is quieter than other things? Does she watch TV? Maybe you could save those specific times for when the baby is sleeping so it becomes a bit of down time for her too? The problem with that is that babies sleep a lot and you can't reasonably expect a toddler to be quiet all the time.

I don’t really feel comfortable having my eyes off her at the moment, especially in this heat.

Get a fan?

My babes slept/napped in their rooms upstairs so did not near toddler noise.

Hear - not near!

My parents started having their children at the end of the 1950s.
One thing they were unanimous on, was that there was to be no tip-toeing about if a baby was asleep.
Just consider that your baby has been exposed to all family noise in utero. It is familiar. It might be weird for your baby not to hear that noise, which is, I suppose, like the white noise people use to get to sleep.
Unless your 3 year old is deliberately going over to the baby and waking them up on purpose (quite possible, as they might be jealous), I would not be too concerned.
Should add that me and my siblings are all really good sleepers :-)
Also it is really fine for your baby not to be in the same room as you, when having daytime naps.

It’s hard but if it is just normal play noise then YABU, it is also good for baby to learn to sleep through household noise. Makes life much easier as time goes on. You do have my sympathy though.

White noise machine? Should drown out toddlers noise

I think it depends. Screaming, shouting, shrieking? Unacceptable regardless. Normal sounds of play at a typical volume? The baby will get used to it, and will sleep better generally because of it. You’ve just got to grit your teeth for now!

Both my babies napped in a dark quiet room with a loud white noise machine in a safe sleeping environment (eg Moses basket). Thus my toddler almost never woke my baby up. Even in the same room maybe a white noise machine or similar would help.

NHS / lullaby trust recommendation to reduce risk of SIDS ie for you to be in the same room as baby under 6m during all sleep including naps. So I personally wouldn't put the newborn in a different room. Have you tried using a sling to help baby sleep longer stretches? I appreciate not the best in this heat but for after?

If your baby can’t nap without you can your toddler play in another room. I understand what it’s like to be over stimulated and you sound super tired. So could you set up a safe play space elsewhere (assuming it’s a child old enough to play independently for a bit). Or could you have a half hour of octonauts or whatever?

Depends what level. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to teach a 3 year old that you don’t yell and shriek if someone is sleeping. I wouldn’t be really loud if an adult was asleep, so would apply the same to a baby.
But I wouldn’t ask them to be silent. Normal talking level of noise, and some noise from toys is ok.

I had a loud three year old and newborn and sympathise enormously. Problem with my loud three year old is I’d tell him and he’d agree then forget.

I agree there’s no way the baby should be sleeping alone. But could the toddler play alone? I don’t mean consigned to the rubbish heap but quiet time in her room? Worth a shot?

It isn’t recommended for such a young baby to nap in a different room.
It’s reasonable to expect your toddler to play a bit quieter whilst baby naps. Could you save tv, books, colouring, puzzles, games, crafts etc for that time. Kinetic sand keeps my 3yo occupied for a while.
But you can’t expect them to make no noise (especially as a baby that young sleeps a lot!). And it’s good to have your baby get used to sleeping with some noise.

If you have the baby and toddler in the same room the chances of the baby not being woken are near zilch.

Harry and Meghan should be applauded for almost completely keeping their kids out of the media/tabloid spotlight, unlike W&K’s kids growing up with the Daily Fail etcs commentary every step of the way. Growing up under the microscope like that can’t be healthy, probably a big part of why so many of the Royals are dysfunctional and unhappy despite the wealth.

It might be too hot for this now, but I navigated this with sling naps while playing with the toddler. Baby got used to the noise, and then was able to settle in their own crib through the noise eventually.

On bad days, I popped them both in the car and went to McDonalds for drive through coffee for car naps.

Currently a bit older & using white noise, a crib in their own room & baby monitor to manage at home naps in the morning. For the long afternoon nap I allow screen time. This is the only time toddler is allowed it, and we have a simple rule "quiet during tv time". Any loud noises, they get a warning. Second warning and it's turned off. A few times of this (with accompanying tantrums!) and I now have an hour to myself while baby naps & toddler watches tv. I would prefer no screen time but it's saved my sanity and baby's nap! After the hour, if baby hasn't needed to transition to a contact nap toddler & I play. If they have needed a contact nap, I allow a little more TV.

If I need time to get baby down for a nap, I do ten minutes really focused connection with toddler first. I then set up an activity - playdough, stickers, balloons, ice in a bucket, etc., and let them get distracted while I put baby down. Or if they won't play independently, pop baby in the sling and walk the house with the toddler holding my hand, until baby's asleep enough to transfer.

I try do a few buggy naps a week too, just to get out of the house.

Best of luck with it!

It isn't unreasonable to ask a toddler to be quiet at times and to encourage quiet play but it is unreasonable to expect them to be capable of it. They are just learning.