Family argument

[Gettingbysomehow]

My 44 year old son hasn't spoken to me for a month because his flat was a disgusting tip and I told him his hoover isn't an ornament.
Is this unreasonable? I didn't bring him up to live in a shithole and expect his wife to do all the cleaning 😱

Is that all you said?

He’s a grown up. It’s none of your business op.

I didn't bring him up to live in a shithole and expect his wife to do all the cleaning 😱

Apparently you did 🤣🤣 sorry, joking.

Not talking to you for a month is way OTT, if that was all there was to the argument.

If a 44 year old man wants to live in a shit hole that's up to him.

Meh just leave him to has man sulk

He isn't happy at being called out that he's being a dirty slob

He's an adult you were interfering. Up to him if he lives in a shit hole

I guess but I think a month is a bit off. Ive just had a major op but Ive still bust a gut to do things for him over the last year that were really too much for me. I feel like I shouldn't bother if he's going to be such a dick. I only mentioned it because his pet that he supposedly loves got sick from inhaling all the dust and mould in the flat. Its one thing living like that yourself but quite enough making your animal sick.

Not unreasonable. Doubt I'd keep my mouth shut either if it was my own child.
Shithole might have been a bit blunt but only you can say whether it looked like something from a hoarders tv show or there were a few more crumbs than you'd like.

But can I only gently point out that your DIL may also have taken offence at their flat being called a shithole depite your good intentions to get him to up his game. Especially if they also have small kids and a lack of space.

Did anyone have warning of your visit?

He’s 44. Mind your own business.

He's an adult but he can't have it both ways, he doesn't get to ask you to do things for him then get in a strop when you point out an adult doesn't live like that. Maybe you've done too much for him Op

Maybe he should act like one then 🤔

Mine blocked me - I told him to grow up! About 6 weeks later he phoned as if nothing happened! Won’t say anything more because it’s too outing 🙄

I'd never go there unnanounced I,m not an interfering busybody and DiL wasn't there. She was visiting family. They don't have any children. It was just me and him. I'd driven him around about 300 miles on various errands as he can't drive doing him a big favour as I was not well at the time and just stopped to rest before my 2 journey drive home. He was moaning about having to pay £30 for his pets treatment at the vet and that's when I said it. Talk about tetchy.

He sounds a catch. Tbh I’m surprised your DIL hasn’t kicked him to the kerb already.

I’d probably just leave him to it but then there’s no way I’d be running errands like that for a grown man or commenting on his business. You too involved in his life.

I have an older sibling with an absolutely filthy house.

think smoking indoors windows never opened. Net curtains yellow

threadbare 30 year old carpet,stairs that are so dusty and full of hair your feet slide around.

the kitchen is even worse.
I stopped going over

my parent however constantly tries to persuade sibling to clean to no avail

it Then causes a big fall out between them and round and round they go again.

it’s disgusting living like it and no need for it however they’re grown adults.

I would stop doing so much to help the adult grown man.

I'm sure you'll hear from him as though nothing has happened when he next wants you to do him a favour. I'd ignore him and not let his silence bother you as he is presumably counting on that for you to make conciliatory noises.

Sounds like you might have been a bit tetchy too though. I'd love to know if he actually cleaned up before his partner returned.

You didn’t bring him up to live in a shothole and expect his wife to do all the clenaing

well she isn’t; is she?

I would imagine he’s been moaning that his wife doesn’t do anything…and possibly OP pointed out he could do it himself rather than expect his wife to do it.

He’s sulking. Leave him to it. In the context you described, you were right to speak up.However his partner is probs a mums-netter that goes no contact( it’s a thing) with people for comments like this.

You made a patronising comment. He’s an adult and can see if the house needs cleaning for himself. It’s unlikely he stopped talking to you because of one comment it’s more likely that was the final straw.

And do things for people because you want to not to use it against them at a later date, if you don’t want to or it’s too hard say no.

I think I would step back and leave him to it. No errands or helping him out. Sad about the pet though but sometimes people are inconsiderate. If he comes knocking on your door when DIL chucks him out asking you to put him up I would be prepared to say no you are too much of a lazy slob. I wouldn’t have said anything to him about the state of the flat. People have different standards and he is an adult. If he was ill I might offer to help though.

Bollox to it. The favours and the money are going to stop today. If a partner treated me like that I'd kick them out.
I'm buggered if I'm putting up with this from my own son. I have a full time very stressful job, a blue badge and Im on PIP. I can't remember the last time anyone did me any favours or offered to pay for something.
It's time to put myself first for once. He can bloody well sulk for a year for all I care. Not my problem. It's ridiculous a grown man can't drive. When you give and love unconditionally all you get is a kick in the teeth.

People are making an awful lot of assumptions about my character on here and making downright insulting comments when they know nothing about me. I do wonder if this is a kind of sport for some people who have nothing better to do. Have some self respect please ladies. It says more about you than me.