Friends leaving me behind

[Glittercloud17]

Need some sympathy and direction.

The last few years have been a struggle and I find it hard to cope with life.

My partner left unexpectedly when baby was born (and won’t be back at all - I’m ok with this), then my dad got sick and I had to take care of him alone for a long time, while taking care of a child and my own mental health. I’ve had loads of therapy to get me through and have relief in friends a lot.

recently I’ve noticed a lot of friends no longer call me, or have “broken up with me” of minor disputes here and there. One childhood friend calling me ‘negative’ when 10 years ago I was the life and souls of the party.

I know my life has had so much struggle recently & maybe I have relied on them to moan or offload, but I am now finding myself completely alone, and isolated. It feels like the pandemic all over again.

Some friends I hear from. Others have made it clear they want out. I struggle with what it means - I’m just a loyal friend but I can’t get out of the house much now due to my circumstances. Feeling quite lonely, and as one friend told me… negative!!

Unfortunately if your always negative, that will then impact their own moods and how they feel about you. I couldnt be friends with someone who is always negative - yes bad things happen, sorry about your dad but i imagine your friends just had enough of the negativity.
Maybe join some local groups & make some new friends, and try and stay away from being negative. Negative is okay but not all the time.

You’re right and I agree about the negativity.

i do make a point of stopping my moaning, or contacting people when I am feeling upbeat. I do make a point of listening to others and helping them also.

the ‘you’re being negative’ comment came after we were joking around about her going on a dating app. She said she’d had 300 likes, and I made a silly comment like ‘yeah but how many of those will be decent blokes’ and she said then ‘you’re so negative’. I thought that unnecessary since it was said in jest.

anyway, I suppose you’re right - would be good to know how to get out of this rut as I feel like I’ve been here for donkeys years

I’ve been that mood hoover and lost social opportunities because of that. I don’t blame the group; they each had stuff going on in their lives and wanted a bit of fun time.
It is probably time to find new friends unless you think you could suggest a fun activity or a meet up ‘only positive topics’ as a tag line.

Get out meet new people! Volunteer or join some new groups. Honestly itll help op get out of the rut. You can do this 🩷

Unfortunately you’ve learned one of life’s lessons about friends - it’s not like on TV! People are selfish (I don’t necessarily mean this as an insult) and few people are up for being someone else’s “relief” or therapist.

People are drawn to others who are positive and who enhance their own mood rather than bringing them down.

Harsh but true!

I actually don’t think that’s a very nice joke to make. OLD is really tough and takes a lot of emotional resilience. We all know it’s shit, and need to power through and put in effort. We don’t need people pointing out the obvious. Jokes are also meant to be funny, there is no humour in that at all.

If you have recognised your negative attitude yourself then you must know why they want out of the friendship. You must remember that everyone has their own issues not just you so cut people some slack. Yes it’s nice to have friends to offload on but not all the time. We surround ourselves with friends who
make us feel good about ourselves and happy. I’m guessing the comment re blokes would ordinarily have been taken as a joke but because of your constant negativity it was not taken as such. I would try and work on yourself and sort your problems out first

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Sadly some friends will only be there for you when things are good. But I also know what it’s like to be in a negative spiral - so it could be a mixture of both. Just focus on yourself and your mood and feeling better and hopefully the true friends will come back to you. I find the more you force it, the worse things get.

You have been through two of the hardest things that life can throw at you in quick succession. Breaking up with your partner when you have a young child and nursing a very unwell parent. If your 'friends' expect you to be the life and soul, they need a reality check. Life is hard and people go through tough times and they have written you off because it's 'herd for them'/'not convenient'. Well boo hoo to them.
I am so sorry OP. You deserved better. Your circumstances while hard were temporary and you deserved their patience and compassion. Let's hope they one day will go through something equally hard and know what it is to need to rely on people. And by that time you will hopefully have moved on and will feel much better.