Friendships in mid to late 30s

[Areweoutofthewoodsyetgood]

Are they just harder? Am I just bad at them?

I'm 36 (if that is relevant at all) on my second mat leave, baby is 3 months and is a dream so far. Just struggling with feeling a bit lonely. Could be hormones.

My old school and uni friendships are all over an hour away and most of them don't have children. Some of them because of quite tricky fertility stuff, some due to choice or circumstances. I completely get they might not want to/ be able to hang out with me that much and that they all have full on high powered jobs. I feel like I'm doing 90% of the reaching out which makes me a bit sad. Really hoping the ones that want to do have kids but have to accept we might not do that life stage together now.

I made quite a few friends on mat leave with DD1 but quite a few moved or had their second a lot earlier so now back in the juggle of work. I had a rough pregnancy so dropped off the radar a bit as well. Really feel I'm missing a network and baby groups haven't been great so far.

My older child is starting school in September so hoping that might yield some more friends. I'm just worried this is it for my friendships and whilst I'm friends with some great people it doesn't feel enough at the moment.

AIBU to feel like this and is it just hormones/ should I get a grip/ does it feel better?

Remember you’re in a temporary position on mat leave with more time on your own, so you’re maybe feeling it more right now?

Will you go back to work at some point?

I would get out and try more baby groups - it’s an ideal way to meet people. Can you travel a little further to try different groups? And just keep persisting… your baby is only 3 months and it can take a lot of repeated meetings for people to warm up and get to know each other and for you to become more important to each other. A person just having a baby now might join in a few months and be your new best friend!

Yes I know and I wasn't feeling like this 5 months ago which gives me hope! I will go back to work but only part time.

I think friendship in your 30s takes effort - life gets so busy and people are in different life stages, it means you probably don't get the time to meet up often. Keep in touch with Uni and school friends via text and phone calls for a catch up. Let them know you're pretty home based at the moment with a baby but anytime they're nearby you'd love to see them and if they want to come and stay, you can have a takeaway and a gossip. I had my first child at 19 and none of my friends had children but they would often pop in for a coffee and catch up or an evening takeaway and bottle of wine!

Keep going to mum & baby groups and if you hit it off with anyone, invite them for a coffee after or meet up another day. Once your eldest starts school, there's the opportunity to meet other mums there too. At my kids school, the mums used to congregate in the park across the road after school and chat while the kids played. I met two of my best friends there and we're still friends now, our kids are in their 20s! If you're friendly and chat to everyone, it's likely you'll click with one or two people and find your tribe ☺️

I agree, keep going to baby groups and try be bold and approach people for a coffee or a chat. I met a friend on my first mat leave at a mum and baby exercise class and we’re only friends because she approached me if I wanted to join her group for a coffee after class.

have you looked at the Peanut app, or local mum facebook groups?

as a pp said, your on mat leave now so will have more time to feel lonely, but also more time to reach out to friends.

I’m on my second mat leave now, and with my first I was SO surprised how unfriendly some mums were at baby groups, as I always thought that was the whole point of those groups!