To think having a baby doesn’t automatically make you a good person?

[MyNoisyGreyPombear]

Some people are still just selfish - now with a child in tow.

What about animals that eat their own young? I feel more of an affinity with them personally.

'In some cases, it feels like people use motherhood as a shield from critique rather than doing real self-reflection.'

This is so true, and very well put

There are lots of examples to easily agree that this isn't universally true but I think that, such is the intensity of the mother baby dyad in the early years and the necessity to keep you own needs in almost constant balance and in check with a loved infant, that it quite often makes women feel as though they have changed in a way that 'less selfish' becomes a shorthand for.

Having a child made me much more selfish. Before children, I did so much voluntary work, did lots for my relatives and friends, put myself last etc.

Once I had children it was basically thier welfare came first and lots of my charity and supporting others fell away.

I'm not sharp elbowed or mean. Just not so giving.

Having a child forces you to be less selfish but that doesn’t make you a “good” person.

Obviously becoming a parent does not universally make people better.

I’d say though in the main it makes “good” women and “good” men less selfish because their priorities shift focus onto caring for their children instead of their life being just themselves which generally makes them a bit more aware. But plenty of people aren’t on balance “good” people so parenthood has no impact on their self focus.

My sister in law is childless and has cared for her mother and has been incredible whereas another family member has done neither (caring for a child or family member) struggles to think outside of them self at all.

You often hear people say things like “as a mother I’m very concerned about what has been happening with…” as if being a mother automatically gives you some sort of moral standing.

Of course it doesn't. If someones underlying nature is cruel and selfish, that will never change, and their poor kids will be the main victims. My relative is outwardly the perfect mum, following all the textbooks, but theres no actual empathy shown to her child. It's heartbreaking to see.

Well thank you for your most gracious explanation!
My post was somewhat lighthearted but I think I will leave this thread for now as people are more interested in finding the flaws in my post than just taking it as intended.

The kind of people who think that the childfree are selfish and immature. There were a couple of deeply odd posts last week on a thread about whether it was a moral duty to reproduce from someone who thought that a fully-realised, good adult should at least want to have children, because that was a sign of a good person,

Meanwhile, I can confirm that I’m exactly the same person both before and after having my child.

I voted YABU because it's so obvious that just having a baby doesn't make someone a good person!

😀

I think that’s a fair point. I was almost 40 when I had my child, so I was already the person I was, and still am.

A significant minority of people become more selfish.

For me it's a balance - I have less time to give, so I'm more selfish with my free time.

But I help out other parents a lot with my already-occupied time, and give and receive equally when it comes to baby stuff.

In an emergency, though? My son first, and as to the rest, the devil take the hindmost. And as my son needs me, I'm not risking my life for someone else either.

Amen.
And to prove it meet my mother ...

Of course not!

Lots of utter bastards have children, lots of splendid humans don't or can't.

I don't see any correlation between being a decent human and procreation.

Of course it doesn’t make you a good person. Some really stupid, evil and inadequate people knock out kids. 🤷‍♀️

I think that for many of us, it teaches us self-sacrifice in order to meet someone else's needs. So in that limited sense less selfish. But that rarely extends into self sacrifice for other people outside the immediate family circle. So no, it doesn't make you a nicer person, just extends the ego to cover the mini-yous you have created.

I don’t see any correlation between having children and being a good person.