Struggling as a single mother- advice

[Danni2224]

Hello,

if you are reading thank you, my Dd almost 12 is going through a very tricky time after starting periods. I have arranged a doctors appt but she is never happy. Her dad has always been in her life but since she’s being hard work is leaving me to deal with it. She is so moody she won’t chat to me she just wants to listen to music in her room.

she wanted her hair cut short i let her, I am starting think she is confused about her identity but at 11 im not sure she really even knows she always played with the boys and etc and I am so worried she is going to get sucked into the whole wanting to be a boy and it makes me so so sad.

Why have you arranged a doctors appointment? I have two girls and as soon as they hit 10 they were hideous. Moody, miserable. Wanting to cut her hair short doesn't make her trans. I had extremely short hair as a child as did my eldest aged 15. We are still both girls.

I'm also a single mum. It's horrible and relentless for a few years but it does start getting better.

Yup sounds pretty normal to me, my 13 year old loves spending time in her room. Will come out for food and a bit of an evening cuddle/tv time but she needs her alone time.

She's 12. her hormones are all over the place and probably making her feel lousy.

Her body is changing. It's too hot. She's dealing with boys, and senior school, and soon she'll be choosing her gcses. It's not a fun time.

Support her in what she wants. Try to get her out of the house for a meal once a week, but otherwise just sympathise. Buy her the san products she wants, hot water bottles and pain killers. Let her sleep in at weekends if that is what she wants. Give her a bit of space.

She's old enough to choose her own hair style. Be casually complimentary and supportive.

Being 12 is horrible.🙁

I'm also a single Mum. It can be tough dealing with everything on your own, especially when there is more than 1 DC.
I might challenge my internalised prejudicial stereotypes around short hair on girls, if I were you.

Because she her moods have been a bit extreme. No hitting or lashing out just rage and I think she is struggling with her hormones. She has not outwardly really expressed wanting to be a boy but she’s rounding her shoulders to his her boobs will only wear real baggy tops and she friends with twins at school they have a trans sister and she keeps bringing it up a lot.

Thank you I feel like her dad has kinda of bails he sees her but she won’t stay over and I kind of feel bit alone.

I have been trying to get her out at weekends and that causes conflict. I know at they age they want to pull away so I’ve been making a real effort to get her to meet her friend locally so she’s not just in her room.

It not just the short hair she is constantly talking about her friends sister who is now a boy that’s what is making me think this.

I wore baggy tops for years as a teen, while I got used to having boobs. Rounded my shoulders. Is this really being used nowadays as evidence of being trans?

No no not all all. There are other clues. She may not be but I’m just concerned by things she says without saying that’s what she wants. Please don’t give me a hard time im
just trying my best on my own

Please don't say anything about wanting to be a boy, do not put that idea in her head. Don't give her any reason to think that she can become a boy and opt out if all the girl issues because obviously she can't.

The gp may recommend the pill to help with her hormones and mood.

Otherwise let her choose her clothes and activities. Girls can wear whatever they want and do whatever they want.

Yes I am hoping the doctor will do that. I am avoiding the conversation like the plague but she keeps saying there is something you do not understand. I ask what is it tell me and she won’t.

Maybe then you can have a discussion about how her friends sister will still have to deal with periods and breasts and that it's sad she wants to be something she can never be but she's probably just uncomfortable and needs time.

I am writing this as mum to a wannabe trans son which lasted several years through high-school. He really just prefers the things his female friends do and wanted long hair and is gay - he's fine now, a gay boy with long hair who sits and gossips with the girls at lunchtime.

her friends older sibling is about 18 I have honestly thought she could be gay for quite while
jist an intuition it’s totally fine

Definitely not meaning to give you a hard time, sorry if it came across that way. You know your daughter, I don’t. I’m sorry it’s feeling like a struggle right now x

No that’s fine i was probably a bit vague in my post. Thank you

I also have a 12 year old who hit puberty and cut her long waist length hair off short, decided to go by a gender neural nickname and made a fuss about her pronouns. She’s also moody AF.

I'm relaxed about it because her 16 year old sister went through the exact same phase in year 7. I remember her screaming at me over dinner that if I ever referred to her as a girl she’d never forgive me! She’s well over that now and actually pretty gender critical (although accepting of others) as I am.

I recommend vague, benevolent disinterest. And keep her off Tick Tock.

Thanks no she doesn’t not have tik
tok and I did say about the sister well what’s the big deal and moved the conversation along