Full time working and splitting of chores

[Calmandfree]

Looking for external opinions here. I work 37.5, 2 days in the office but have a very demanding job as a trauma counsellor. DH works 37.5 but works in London. I'm curious as to how the household chores should be split as I inevitably do the majority (dogs walked, children school drop offs, food shop, washing, cooking, hoovering most of the time and so on). DH gets in at 630 when I'm in the office I get in at 6.

Asking because I'm mentally/physically shattered.

I mean if you are struggling speak to DH everyone have a different division as everyone / every house hold is completely different. If it’s not working for you. Change it?

What time do you finish on the days you WFH?

Could you do more of the chores that are less mentally tiring - your job sounds mentally demanding but not physically, so eg walking the dog might help you unwind. And see if DH can do more of the organisational jobs that need brain power. Especially any that can be done during his commute (assuming it's by train) - eg online shopping, paying bills, emails, etc?

It’s not just about hours worked but free time. Two days a week you get in half an hour earlier than him and 3 days a week you have no commute.

Do you think he doesn’t contribute to the home?
Does he feel like it’s fair?
Are you doing all these things before he gets home or while he sits on his bum?

Came here to say this. Calculate you free time.

My DH goes to bed later and wakes up later whereas I get up with the kids then sleep earlier to compensate. It means that DH gets that 2-3 hours more me time just with that alone. This works out though as I have a freelance WFH job whereas he works 8-4. I do the majority of the house work but still get an hour or two every week day at least where I'm not working or supervising kids etc. it works well for us and neither of us feel hard done by. We probably get the same free time averaged over the week.

What does ‘works in London mean’? Is that far from where you live? Work out how much free time you both have and what chores you do and see if it’s fair.

If he’s commuting perhaps he can do more of the life admin on the train. I use that time if not working to fill in school forms, pay bills, do the online food shop etc.

Overall though surely you split cleaning, cooking etc as at home largely the same amount. Is he not pulling his weight to help you feel less stressed?

@Calmandfree

So is his expectation is that you pick-up all the slack and without recognising that the distribution of tasks is unfair?

Would you consider writing a complete list of everything that is required to keep the household running smoothing, numbering each task.

Then go through it together choosing which tasks each of you will be responsible for going forward.

I appreciate this seems rather a convoluted solution but if one person totally abrogates their responsibility wrt family life and all that entails, then sometimes it has to presented in a clear, concise and logical manner. Imho ofc.