To think more people have a deluded sense of self?

[SharpJadeGoose]

I recently heard someone refer to himself as a “free thinker” and it took me by surprise because he is anything but. It got me wondering how many people have a completely skewed perception of themselves, whether it’s thinking they’re more open-minded, intelligent, or self-aware than they really are. AIBU to think that a lot of people are living in self-delusion?

This! There is a bizarre thing at the moment where you can’t debate. I find people who will not change their views whatever evidence they are presented with a bit dense to be honest (and usually these types think they are very clever..)

@GCDPAF similar. (D)Bro - bloody loves himself. even admitting he has made a career talking utter s**te. His kids were always bigged upas going to be super cool jobs, not boring tax and NI ones like mine. They were not going to ‘conform’ , he think he is cool and edgy. His partner brought money to the relationship so they have been able to be less conformist-but they are now stuck with 3 adult kids with no proper jobs and they are having to ‘support’ them. Well the GPs are - think rent/cars etc. None of them ended up with a ‘cool’ job - whatever that is. They have all been on medication for anxiety or depression, all dropped out of school. His partner loves her ‘clique of besties’. They are just ‘mean girls’.

Fragile egos is what I see. Especially when they make it clear they ‘don’t like ‘new people’. Also and this a personal and somewhat lighthearted thought….they were obsessed with New Balance trainers …now it’s Sambas.

We are definitely not ‘cool’. But we are early retirees - complication of elderly parents - that is another thread, but we are not chasing the mortgage payments like they are racing around in ‘full on jobs’.

Give me dull and boring any day.

OMG yes. The number of little Hitlers who proudly proclaim themselves to be "progressive" never ceases to amaze me.

Just 'cos you read the Guardian proves nothing.

@whatsit84 agree.It is actually ok that I do not know everyones opinion on everything. Agreeing with the SC ruling on ‘ what is a woman’ for example should not make me a ‘transphobe’ but apparently they are now the rules.

Do I want to play in my local women’s tennis ladder against a ‘man’ who was Derek but is now Davina. No. I do not. I will lose my seeding because he has an advantage that apparently if I question it makes me transphobic.

Derek spent a lot of time at the bottom of the Mens ladder bemoaning the fact his fellow men were beating him because they were retired and had more time to practice and if he was retired he would be top seed.

Not an attempt to derail the thread BTW. As you were! Lots of people ‘bigging them selves up’ as my dearest grandmother would say.

YANBU. I know a lot of so-called social justice warriors who are absolutely rabid fascists.

Absolutely agree.

I think this is quite possible - but not everyone. And also don’t think it’s a social problem per se. For example my mom isn’t on social media and she thinks she is open minded and likes all sort of foods and tries anything. In reality neither of those are true.

Don’t most people feel that they are special in some way rather than average and ordinary?
Everyone is the centre of their own universe

Don’t most people feel that they are special in some way rather than average and ordinary?
Everyone is the centre of their own universe

Absolutely. But I think most rational people will have that balanced with a dose of self-doubt, and will keep the lot to themselves.

Agreed

The older I get the more I realise so many people are absolutely batshit! They are everywhere.
A lot of my colleague are so arrogant they genuinely believe they are the best thing since sliced bread, when in reality they are abysmal and would be sacked if it wasn’t so hard to get rid of people in local government!

Me too. I'm fact I know I'm twat and can't seem to stop myself!

Without a doubt. For a start you have the Dunning-Kruger effect, whereby lower-ability people tend to overestimate their competence in various matters because their lack of ability impairs the accuracy of their self-assessment just as much as it impairs their aptitude for the task.

Then there's just the fact that people are generally bad at introspection. We all tend to associate ourselves with traits we admire, even if we don't particularly exhibit them.

A former colleague of mine prided herself on being a 'good communicator' and apparently had no idea that she had a reputation for near-deliberate idiocy because she would misunderstand or profess confusion about the most straightforward comms from the company or from colleagues.

My mother is always wanging on about how non-judgmental and accepting she is but I've never known her pass a fat person in public and manage to resist commenting negatively on their clothes or general appearance. She has also mythologised my childhood into a non-stop carousel of happy, easy memories, whereas in reality all four of her children are in therapy learning how to overcome our emotionally abusive childhoods.

See also:

’I am so creative’ (does adult colouring-in books)
’I’m a great cook’ (makes spaghetti Bol. for every single visit)
’I have a great sense of humour’ (you complain every chance you get about Jim Davidson being cancelled)
’I’m like Marmite. People either love me or hate me’ (they hate you)
’I tell it like it is’ (you’re a prick who doesn’t care who you hurt)

My ex called himself a feminist and simultaneously enjoyed raping women. He also then became a woman (TWAW after all 🙄

but yes, less seriously, so many do. I have two female friends who are convinced they are too gorgeous for words and that it’s hard for me to be friends with them as they outshine all the time. Hahahahahaha

I have a relative who thinks she's really caring and puts everyone ahead of herself, very grounded and sensible, always does what's best for others. Not true! Constantly changes her mind, always does what's best for her (nobody has ever said 'no' to her I don't think) and turns every situation around to her or something she's done or knows about. (I know I'm flawed and far from perfect but I have to avoid her for my sanity!)

Lol that's very nice of you and I wish it was true!
I don't consider myself particularly ugly but we aren't winning any beauty contests anytime soon 😆❤️

I think people have always been like this; it’s nothing new. What does seem to be new is this inability to have a healthy conversation, or to agree to disagree. Goes hand in hand with getting offended over absolutely anything.

I know someone who loudly proclaims how strong she is, such a strong, strong person, whilst falling apart and leaning her entire emotional weight on others every time there's any minor blip in her life. Exhausting. She also provides zero emotional support to others whilst calling herself their rock. Fortunately we are no longer in touch.

In her head, she's a great teacher and an even better public communicator. Her additional self proclaimed expertise is in science, research and policy lobbying.
Reality is such knows the A-level biology syllabus backwards and has good discipline with the kids.
The teaching is so strong she can't read an adult room and when we stupidly took her to a professional dinner she oscillated between head of year, bossing everyone around and family Xmas - never, ever again.
Willing to lend her out as an ice breaker because although the event was ruined, it's become a company touchstone.

No. I truly don't. I'm depressed so I would love to be ordinary mh wise. But my DC us the centre of my universe so I guess that's pretty much the same.

Saw a very popular social media influencer describe herself as having major ‘social anxiety’ 😒
yet lives and thrives of being on SM

Absolutely!

My husbands mate came round for a moan about his girlfriend and at some point stated 'you know me Bob, I'm just really easy going. I just want a quiet life'. Nearly spat my bloody drink out! He is the least easy going and always manages to find some kind of conflict/issue/complaint where there is none. He also very much one rule for him and one rule for everyone else. And zero self-awareness!

Nothing to do with social media for this one - was always like it. But I do think social media, by design makes everyone feel like they have something important to say or taht other people care about their bullshit. And if nothing else, it gives people much more wanky ways for how to say stuff!

It's called the "ego trick". We all like to think that we know exactly who we are, that we always act consistently and have always been a certain type of person, and we know how we'd react in any situation. In fact, it's quite difficult to see yourself in an objective way.

God yes. 80% of us think we're a better than average driver, apparently. I don't think there's any such thing as someone who doesn't think they have a great sense of humour.

Then there's the men who think any woman who smiles at them is consumed with lust...