Approaching another child as a parent who works within the school

[aperolspritzbasicbitch]

I want to complain about a lunch time assistant at my child’s school.

my child and her child have had a couple of run ins (not physical, silly playground fall outs, wanting to be moved when a teacher has partnered them up to sit together for a term - and I’m confident that it’s a two way street). Both year 6 students.

the latest thing that happened was my child’s friend had approached her child and asked where she’s gotten a particular item as my child had lost theirs so was wondering if it was hers. She was told no, it’s not; it’s defo hers. Convo over, and my daughter wasn’t actually involved in it.

lunch time assistant parent has then sought out my child and her friend during their break time, and started off with saying ‘I know I shouldn’t be approaching you whilst I’m working but seeing as my daughter has had some trouble recently…’ stared at my daughter, and then went on to say that her child’s item was hers. Ok, fine - the issue was over when her daughter said the same thing.

now, I’m pretty pissed off that she’s used her position in the school to talk to my child about this - I don’t feel like she said anything wrong, and if it was outside of school I wouldn’t be as bothered, it’s the fact she was working and therefore in a position of authority when she decided to do it.

this is something that my child has been nervous about before, when I’ve said that I would talk to her teacher about something that was going on she was concerned that if the child got in trouble then the mum would treat her differently whilst working.

i feel like my 2 options are either - approach the mum myself and voice my annoyance, or complain to the school.

Don’t approach the staff member yourself. Either speak to the school, as she was working at the time, or let it go.

Speak to the Class teacher as they will be the one to deal with issues between the children. Depending on their role in school, they may be able to pick up the issue of the staff member's behaviour or will signpost you to the headteacher.

Literally everyone involved in this sounds like a drama queen.

Complete non event. I wouldn’t be doing anything.

Oh come on! Your daughter and her friend had obviously discussed whether the other girl had taken it or not. Just leave it

I don’t really think it matters what my daughter and her friend talk about - she’s used her position in the school to berate them instead of leaving it in the hands of a teacher who isn’t personally involved.

so now my daughter feels uncomfortable every break/lunch time in case it happens again.

she’s got a few weeks left at primary, she should be enjoying them, not worrying about a dinner lady with a grudge.

If you go ott with this, you’ll be making a rod for your own back with your DDs future behaviour. She’s not cowering at break and you know that. Don’t teach her those sort of manipulation tactics as it’s not a good habit to get into.

Uncomfortable over what, being asked a question?

Seriously play down the drama.

If it’s not a problem I’m not sure why she started her chat with them with ‘I know I shouldn’t be approaching you…’

Didn’t suggest she was cowering - I said she’s uncomfortable.

and absolutely no manipulation here, she didn’t even tell me, her friends mum did.

The lunch time assistant is way out of line and I would be informing the school she did it because she could do it again. She has used her position of authority to talk to your child and she should not have done that.

I also worked in the school too and know what the rules are regarding the children. Report her.

I agree with you OP, she’s misusing her position of power and clearly wanted your daughter to feel threatened and uncomfortable.
she would not have gone up and said anything if the incident had occurred with a child that wasn’t hers.

I would talk to the school and ask if this is something the lunch time assistant is allowed to do rather than go in accusing and explain your daughter felt uncomfortable as a result and see how they respond.

I wouldn’t be happy about this situation. My next steps would be speaking to her teacher and making it clear that personal relationships shouldn’t cross over with workplace etiquette.

Hmm, strictly speaking she probs shouldn't have spoken to your daughter. However, sometimes it's easier just to settle minor things with a quick chat. Sometimes it's as simple as just clarifying that said child has the same water bottle and hasn't taken yours, rather than holding an official investigation into a misplaced pencil etc.

I can see both sides but you might be undermining yourself for any future issues if you get the reputation for making a fuss about non events.

I would report the lunch time assistant to the relevant person. It is an abuse of her position to take your daughter and her friend to task for asking a reasonable question. If she had a problem, she should have spoken to the class teacher.

It’s an abuse of power. It may not seem a big deal as an adult but for a kid a staff member embodies the authority of the school and to have one use that position to directly approach the child (something that would probably be a bit intimidating if she were just a school mum doing it in the playground after school) is completely out of order. I’m not surprised your DD feels uncomfortable, and yes, I’d talk to the school about it.

DO NOT approach the parent- she has demonstrated that she won't be reasonable. Don't report to the class teacher either- he/she can't do anything about it. Email the headteacher.

She shouldn't have done it but they are year six so only have a few weeks left I would let it go personally.

I would speak directly to the head. If what you’re saying is true, the school employee has breached her position of trust. She should have asked another staff member to step in and has now made herself vulnerable to all manner of accusations. Really unprofessional of her and shows very poor judgement.

So surprised by the early responses. This is a huge overstep and I would be speaking to the school immediately. I dont think you are being OTT at all.

Yanbu.
Unprofessional.

Report to the school. She behaved unprofessionally and overstepped.