AIBU to expect a present for my 8 year old from aunt/uncle?

[BritBratGrot]

Interested in ratios from this board as to whether IABU or not

My brother and his wife have 5 children. I've got each child a present for bday and xmas every year of their life, though now that some children are more grown up the presents are smaller, and once they're over 21 it's generally just a card or poss a small thing like a lip balm.

Not spent a fortune, £15-£20 when young, then £10-£15 cash when teens, and £50 on 21st as a special event.

My brother gave a very clear message when he started having kids that this was important to him, and then he and his wife decided adult presents were to be stopped, so for many years I was gifting to his family 10 times a year and receiving nothing in return. I didn't complain or question it once.

I have had 2 children now, and for my daughter's 6th birthday last month they sent just a card. I finally picked up the courage /wording to question this - maybe something had gone missing in the post? And got a nice polite reply that this year they have sent just a card.

AIBU to think it's a bit shifty to accept presents for 5 kids over 20+ years but decide to stop giving presents now?

If he'd told me this decision at the beginning of the year I'd have been less annoyed but guess what? His kids birthdays have all been before mine, and I gifted cash to each.

He's not poor, on over £100K and lives in a fairly cheap part of the country.

Your brother’s being a bum hole about this - I think you need to spell it out for him. If you want you can dress it up as concern “I just wanted to check that you and SIL are ok financially, as I’ve spent years buying gifts for your 5 kids until they each reached 21, and yet you obviously haven’t been able to buy anything for your niece this year…” very pass agg, but it gives a clear message.

We are lucky to just have 2 same-age cousins for our 2 boys so it’s all very equal and fair, however my bestie (also my kids godmother) has much younger children than my own (they are my godchildren), and so I am determined never to forget their birthdays, and to keep buying for them as they get older even if my friend decides to stop getting a gift /money for my boys once they reach adulthood. I just sent my godson some presents for his birthday next week, and really enjoyed choosing the younger-age toys again now my own children are that bit older and plying with different things ❤️

He's out of order and really should be called out on it. My single sister used to buy for my two, so I spent the equivalent on her.
However since my Mum died, we decided to stop doing presents, for any occasion. I choose to give my GC gifts. I don't love my adult children any less because I'm not buying presents, presents don't equal love. I try to tell people not to buy me stuff, but they do, then seem annoyed that they haven't pressured me into gift giving. Not everyone wants stuff, or the pressure of buying. But he should be at least transferring money. He does have it, choosing to spend it on other things, isn't the same as not being able to afford to do it, which posters mix up on here.

Are you sure its him or has his DW (after 5 DC) decided she no longer has time for his family admin and has handed it back to him to sort out?

Recently had a similar conversation with ex SIL who complained that we hadn't remembered her grandchildrens' birthdays. I defaulted family admin to DH for his side many years ago as he is capable of ordering online and has their addresses and has dates in his calendar as I put them in (with a reminder alarm!) He only has 6 people left on his side to remember birthdays for so not an arduous task!

This isn't an example of men being dicks imo. Some bad behaviour is gender specific, but being weird about presents isn't IME.

Hi op this is not about gifts as such it’s his way of saying I’m not bothering with your kids even though you did for his. I’ve had similar issues and it’s annoying when they move the goal post. Just keep it in your head never gift any of his family no matter what the occasion is. He’s been a selfish twat not taken your feelings into consideration after telling you that you must buy for his kids. Next time gifts are mentioned just say it hurt me you didn’t buy for my dc it’s as though you don’t care about them.

So they announced that adult presents weren’t happening anymore, thereby neatly removing any obligation to buy presents while you were childless, while still expecting you to buy presents. And now they’ve decided that children presents aren’t happening either now that their children are grown, thus avoiding buying present again. I’m extremely avoidant of confrontation but I think I’d have to say something to him. It’s just so blatant. I’d probably still keep buying for the nieces and nephews though. As they’re older you’ll be able to forge your own relationship with them apart from your brother.

Similar situation here. My nephew is 16 years older than my DS.

DH and I have always been generous to nephew. We have given him presents, taken him to big sporting events and generally provided him with some really good experiences.

My DS is now 4 and has never received as much as a card for birthdays or Christmas from my brother. He is not short of money so that’s not a factor.

We are no contact with my brother now. My DS doesn’t even know he exists.