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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friendship and work

5 replies

caramelsundaexx · 19/06/2025 07:46

More of a how would you approach this/what would you say than AIBU…

My friend and I are both single parents, her ex has little one half the holidays and every other weekend, my ex does not see our child at all. I only have support from family, which I am grateful for as I know some have absolutely none.

I use the support I have to work longer shifts in an employer role when family can have little one, I do nights sometimes too for extra money. Then on the days I have little one I work in a childcare role that they can come to as well, to maximise what I can earn to support us. I’m lucky that this then means we can live and have been sensible with money so we can go on our first ever abroad holiday this year.

Mentioning this holiday is what started all the awkwardness and looks off, my friend kept saying they won’t ever be able to afford that etc. it does make me feel sad for her and her daughter however I can’t help but think if you used your every other weekend to work long shifts, you could start to get on track again too. She has a bank job (bank meaning 0 hours contract type job) a few days a week that she doesn’t always go into, so can go weeks without working. I’ve suggested places that are hiring but she never applies, then continues to moan about being skint, asking to borrow money, expecting me to buy her a coffee if I get myself one etc etc, all things I don’t mind when it’s a few pound here and there at the time but then I look back and it does add up. I’ve stopped doing this now, as I don’t expect it paid back.

We met another friend for a play date last week and they were asking who had holidays booked etc, I said mine and she was making passive agressive comments saying that would be nice etc but it’s the way she said it. Her attitude is starting to affect our friendship. I can’t put too many examples as it would be outing but she’s started to get bitchy towards me whenever money is involved.

how would you go about this? She’s a lovely friend normally it’s just this work issue.

x

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 19/06/2025 07:55

So she wants a holiday but "can go weeks without working" her bank job. What planet is she on then?

Plus gets you to pay for her and doesn't pay you back. I'm not seeing how she's a lovely friend! You obviously are but she's a taker.

My advice - tell her plainly you work a lot to pay for your holiday (and you have - literally - earned it). She'll need to do the same.

Dozer · 19/06/2025 07:56

Does she work with or do a similar job to you?

Would keep your opinions about her situation and choices to yourself, continue not paying for things for her or lending money, make ‘oh dear’ noises when she moans about money, and mention it to her if she makes any more comments with a tone or that seem pointed.

Endofyear · 19/06/2025 08:36

Just point out to her that you've worked a lot of extra hours in order to pay for your holiday because it's a priority for you. If she could work more and earn more but chooses not to, that's up to her. Don't let her make you feel bad and don't let her get away with bitchy comments. She doesn't sound like a good friend to be honest.

Glitchymn1 · 19/06/2025 09:27

So you work your tail off to buy nice things for you and your child and she does nothing but sponge and criticise. Because that’s what it sounds like.

Cookiecrumblepie · 19/06/2025 09:28

I don’t think friendships work when jealousy sets in

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