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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Over night stays

10 replies

Xxcmxx · 19/06/2025 00:31

Hi I’m just looking for some advice ,
i have a 4 month old. And I have never been with his father it was a one time thing and I fell pregnant. When I told him I was pregnant he demanded a dna test. Which I said if you pay for it I’ll have one done . I knew he was his as I hadn’t been with anyone before him a while He never got one . He had a girlfriend which I didn’t know about until i was already 3 months pregnant. He came to see him a few days after he was born. Then he vanished for 9 weeks in total. Then decided he wants to be in his life so i gave him another chance . Same happened again for 2 weeks. Then he came back . But every time he has another girl on the go he doesn’t come and see his son. Then when he has nobody that’s when he comes back. I put a stop to this and blocked him. His mum also told me to stop him seeing my baby. Cut long story short he wants to take my son over night . But I refuse this as he sells drugs. I am scared of my son picking something up when he gets older and eating it. Also he is on Claire’s law which I didn’t not know about I didn’t even think to check. I just don’t want my son in any danger . He hasn’t proved to me that he is a good dad . He lets him down all the time . And now because iv put a stop to it all I’m being made out to be the bad one cause I ain’t putting up with it anymore. And to be honest I am not ready for my son to leave me he relys on me for comfort he can only go to sleep on me. He’s in a routine and I don’t want this to be ruined . He doesn’t provide for him. Never has in the whole 4 months , he claims ‘he’s only got cash and can’t get to me’ to give the money . But lives 5 mins away in a car/taxi. If he wants a lift somewhere he gets one . But when it’s for child support he can’t . I’m not comfortable with my son going to his flat . He isn’t on birth certificate and doesn’t want to go to court

OP posts:
MeAndMyGhost · 19/06/2025 04:39

Why are you entertaining this as an option? From what you've said he sounds unreliable, unpredictable and his lifestyle choices dangerous and chaotic. Why would you subject your child to this?

jinn2025 · 19/06/2025 04:45

Your son deserves a better dad, don’t even think about him

QuiteUnbelievable · 19/06/2025 05:17

What's does Claire's law do.
Anyway don't seek guilty op but of course it's no.

Zanatdy · 19/06/2025 06:04

Absolutely not. Don’t even engage in a conversation about this. Not a chance my baby would be going anywhere near a drug dealer. Let him take you to court. If his own mother is warning you then listen. Block him, don’t engage in any conversation about it. He wouldn’t even be visiting my baby if he led that lifestyle and constantly let him down for a woman.

Gonk123 · 19/06/2025 06:10

Do t let him take your baby. Court wouldn’t award that you will feel shocking wit anxiety so imagine how your baby would feel without you given the circumstances. If you can completely shut him out now it may be better in the long run. Sounds like he is gonna try and give you the runaround if not…

Mrsttcno1 · 19/06/2025 06:12

I wouldn’t even worry about this OP, he’s not on the birth certificate, he only bothers occasionally, let him take you to court if he wants to see the baby- he won’t.

Endofyear · 19/06/2025 07:29

What do you mean he's on Claire's Law? Have you asked for a disclosure? I wouldn't be allowing him to have the baby overnight and I would make a CMS claim for child support. It doesn't sound like he's likely to take you to court for access.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 19/06/2025 07:44

Agree that he’s too flaky and cheap to take you to court. I would never allow a person like him anywhere near my child. Plus he’s not on the birth certificate so he has no rights at all to your son. If he never even did the DNA test then he’d have to get a court ordered one to even start the process if you refused so really I would just nip this in the bud before your son can be affected by him. I think no dad is better than a shit one, and if son asks questions and is curious when he’s older then you can give him his details then and he can make up his own mind about him then.

Xxcmxx · 21/06/2025 20:11

Hi thanks for all your replies , I can confirm iv said since day one of having my son that he would not be aloud him. I’m just putting this out there to prove to him what I’m saying about contact etc isn’t me being ‘selfish’ and other people would think the same! As he’s making out as if I’m making it all about my self not my son

OP posts:
Xxcmxx · 21/06/2025 20:13

And I want to clarify that he has never been out of my sight with my son. Always at the side of me . He’s seen him 4 times in 4 months. I now refuse to let him at all

OP posts:
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