Is this division of labour fair?

[Bbkkll00]

I'm largely a SAHM, mum to 2 under 2, and step mum to a teenager. Lately I'm finding myself utterly exhausted and wondered if the division of labour between me and my husband was fair. Our finances are separate.

I do all the cooking, all the laundry, feeding the baby, feeding the toddler, all nappy changes, all bed times, and 95% of the cleaning. I don't contribute to rent or bills, but I buy nice things for us in a separate grocery shop, and the occasionap take out for us all. I also buy around 50% of clothes and toys for the kids. Lately I'm finding myself spending more on household essentials too.

Husband works full time, normal hours. He is supposed to empty the bins but usually needs prompting and more than once. He helps with dishes occasionally. He pays all the rent and bills, does the main grocery shop and 50% of stuff for the kids. He does the school run for his teenage child, but since I don't drive, takes our children to appointments about 50% of the time.

Admittedly we're both pretty knackered. I don't resent him for not doing certain things, I'm just finding myself spent at the end of the day and started wondering if I'm doing too much.. not feeling great physically, starting to feel down and a little anxious a lot of the time, and feel like the only time I have to myself is around 1hr or less before bed.

Thanks if you got this far!

Sounds fair to me during the week. I would expect a more even split of time, cooking, tidying, childcare etc at the weekends though.

No, I don’t think it sounds fair. I can’t see how you’d have equal downtime on that split.

Worse I think is the financial set up. I don’t think you can have separate finances with a SAHM!

I don't understand, if you're a SAHM how are you paying for things?

I'd want joint finances.

You should work in the home the same hours he works in his job.

Outside of this, evenings and weekends, labour should be split 50/50.

I think as SAHM doing the majority of housework and laundry while he's at work is pretty normal but he should help with dishes/ also care for the children when home and sounds like the teen can do something as well around the home. Also don't get the separate finances?

If he works normal hours then what is he doing evenings and weekends if you are doing all the other stuff. When he is working, you obviously do 100% and when he isn't working it should be 50/50 unless you choose to give each other equal breaks.

With two such tiny people to take care of, you should not be doing as much of the general housework. Meals and clearing up, yes, chucking in laundry so that nappy blowouts aren’t festering, yes, whatever you can do after you have a cup of tea in peace when they nap, yes.
You absolutely should not be zooming around like the maid of all burdens while he wafts in and does fuck all after his “hard day at work” to watch you. Willing to bet he doesn’t see the need to deal with any night wakings either, because he works.
What does he think you are doing? Not working? Then he can bloody well get on with doing his share of the “not work” when he gets home then, can’t he?