35 weeks pregnant and no birthing partner

[hadtoncforthisone]

I’m 35 weeks pregnant and tonight me and DP have had a major falling out. I think this is the end, he said he wants me out by end of the week (it is his house). Question is can I give birth on my own at the hospital if I don’t want him there? Mentally and physically is it doable? He wasn’t much help for my first birth but obviously having someone there was nice for reassurance etc as it ended in surgery.

PS I understand he’s a d**k, I don’t need to hear that just whether birthing alone is an option.

Sorry to hear you are going through this

Yes of course you can birth on your own.

I would let your midwife know what is going on at your next appointment so you can get a plan in place- they can stop him coming in to see you at all if you don't want him there

Yes you can give birth on your own. Inform nurses to not let anyone in the room. They have security on premises.

Yes. You absolutely can. You've done this before, your body knows it's job, just bring a drink with a sports cap so you can perch it on your bed rather than needing it passed to you. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you've got this 💪

Of course it is! This whole birthing partner thing is relatively recent. When I was training, the most chilled out mums in labour were the ones without anyone else there.

You absolutely can, I think it’s reasonably common people do for childcare reasons etc. if it helps I’m happily married but there were parts of my birth where I told my husband to shut up and go away as all I really wanted was the midwife who knew what she was doing.

Good luck, you can do this 💐

I was a midwife and I cared for quite a few women who chose to birth alone (or had to due to circumstances). I very nearly had my second child alone because she came a lot quicker and earlier than expected!

It’s totally possible and the midwives/healthcare team should support you. I’ve seen some lovely and relaxed births where the mum didn’t want anyone there because she just wanted to be left alone to do her thing.
If you do want to have someone else there then it’s also very common for women to have a friend, relative or doula instead of a partner.

I’m sorry you’re in a tough situation and I hope it goes well for you!

I was born in the 60s. My DF tells me he wasn’t allowed in, no fathers were. I would have coped ok if I’d had to birth on my own.

Tell the midwives. Do you have support from family or friends? Who will be looking after your DC?

Yes you can! There are some amazing threads on mumsnet about women giving birth on their own. I recommend you read them and it will be very inspiring.

I gave birth alone. It was completely fine and would happily do it again.

I have my DF on standby for looking after the toddler anyway so that shouldn’t be an issues

Thanks so much to everyone for all the quick, reassuring responses!

Oh wow! That’s reassuring. Was it in the hospital? How did you get there? If you don’t mind me asking.

I work in a maternity setting, we've had a couple of mums birthing alone in the last month. If staffing allows (which it did both times) we had a support worker in the room as a birth partner with no clinical duties, both mums said what an amazing empowering experience they had. It won't be a problem. Second babies can come quickly though, make sure that you've got watertight childcare and transport sorted - you won't be able to drive yourself in x

So where precisely does the father to your 2nd child think you and they will live?

it wouldn’t bother me being alone, but my cousin hired a doula. Can you afford that? It worked for her.

You absolutely do not need a birthing partner and having given birth twice I would rather have no one there at all (bar HCP of course) than the wrong person just to "have to have someone there".
Good luck, you got this x

That’s not really the point of this thread, but thank you for taking the time to respond.

I have no idea what the cost would be? but unlikely I’d be able to afford it. From my first birth I know the midwives I had at least were amazingly supportive, more so than my DP, so naively hoping my next ones will be of the same nature!

Of course you can do it on your own! Youve got this.

I would happily be on standby to transport a fellow mum to the hospital etc, maybe reach out to your local community. Most places have a volunteer community. If you Google your area and volunteer near me you might find someone to help.

Of course you can, many women do. It is totally your choice.

A doula could be a helpful option (there are charities that will help and provide them for women in certain situations too if cost is an issue). Alternatively, you could ask if there are any students available, as this could be an extra person to provide support. There are often midwifery students in units.

That's a wonderful idea to put the suggestion to student midwives. All of the student midwives I've come across in my pregnancy and birthing experiences have been wonderful and eager to help and learn.

Of course you can. You have absolutely got this. You will bring this baby into the world and they will feel your love and strength.
My mum gave birth to my DB alone, very anxious after a tricky birth with me. Was much more straightforward and not tricky. She says the midwives accounted for her being alone and we're very supportive.

Absolutely. Sounds like you already have the practicalities sorted so it's more support you're concerned about. I would have a think about what support you would want from a birthing partner during labour and make an updated birth plan with those bits included so you can give it to your midwife. As you've done this before you'll know what you need.

For example, I really needed as much silence as possible so asked my partner to gently shut down conversations and keep talking to a minimum. I did want help coaching my breathing if it got away from me. I wanted to be touched as little as possible, no reassuring strokes or massages. Maybe for you it's making sure music is playing or there is a diffuser with a certain scent. Those non-medical things that make it easier. Knowing someone knows what you want and is there for you will give you more control and power.

As long as they aren't too out there, most midwives will do whatever they can to make it a good experience for you and support you in that way.

No birth partner is 1000x better than a shit one.

I've been alone for all 3 of my births, well my 3rd my 13year old was here and awake but not necessarily a birth partner and he was upstairs when I actually delivered

I gave birth to my last two children on my own. Ex H was meant to be there for 2nd to last, but it happened quick ish and by the time I was told I was actually in labour and then we’d got childcare round he didn’t get there in time. It was fine, he was never much use anyway when I was in labour and the midwives were lovely, he got there about 40 mins after he was born.
Then for my last baby I just planned to do it by myself, I had a couple of friends who had mentioned they’d be my birth partner but I was happy to do it alone, again, all went well, midwife stayed with me the whole time once I was near to giving birth

good luck x

How far away is the hospital? I didn't go to the hospital until I was in established labour. I wouldn't have been able to get myself there. A taxi would have been possible but I would have had to head in earlier to be able to manage that alone. Could your DF take you there if needed?