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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My colleague is a mean girl

13 replies

Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:25

I started a new job around 5 months ago at a very small company. There are 3 women of a similar age (me included) and both were friendly with me when I started - we work literally next to each other, 5 days a week.

A couple months ago, I noticed that one had suddenly started to get significantly closer to the other one. Eg would constantly make jokes about how in sync they both were, if we had team nights out would sidle up to other colleague and put arm around her, kept taking photos of the three of us on nights out and then exclaiming how pretty the two of them both were (!). Inviting colleague to long lunches in front of me etc etc.

I obviously have no issue with workplace friendships but it felt quite pointed and deliberate. The other girl would just laugh and go along with it all.

I feel like now it’s got to the point where it’s just sad. I’ll make an effort with both, ask how they are, have a chat / laugh, offer to grab coffees - but feel completely frozen out by this “mean girl”. Obviously they’re entitled to have a friendship but it feels obvious and exclusive. I think ivecause it’s such a small environment it also feels really noticeable and is bringing me down.

im very cheerful and sociable, fairly quiet at work, and probably occasionally present as a bit anxious. This job is new to me so want to get it right. I generally don’t have trouble making friends at all but this is really getting me down. Any solutions or just look to leave ultimately?

OP posts:
Dangermoo · 18/06/2025 19:38

Don't socialise with them anymore and take yourself out for lunch, a walk wor whatever. They will soon get fed up of the childish antics.

Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:40

Thanks!! Any idea why they’re doing it?

OP posts:
Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:42

Also unfortunately I can’t ignore them as they represent about 1/4 of the workforce - they’re both popular in the office / have their own bond with management so I look like I’m marking my card if I ignore

OP posts:
Dangermoo · 18/06/2025 19:42

Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:40

Thanks!! Any idea why they’re doing it?

Probably because mean girl is insecure and needs to elevate herself. Be strong and forget about leaving. X

BedsitBlues · 18/06/2025 19:42

How old are you all?

GarlicMile · 18/06/2025 19:46

Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:40

Thanks!! Any idea why they’re doing it?

Any chance they're shagging each other?

Whatever, you might find it helpful to act as if they are a couple. It'll be easier to accept them being together all the time, and it doesn't matter if you actually speak as if they are.

Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:49

We’re between late 20s and early 30s! And honestly I hate drama and do not see the need for any of this. Would never raise it but it feels pointed and upsetting. Just want to vent.

they’re definitely not together - both straight and one is married!

OP posts:
Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 19:50

I feel like Queen Bee girl doesn’t like to include me whereas her “prey” often brings me in to conversations etc. But obviously not to the extent where she’ll actually invite me somewhere

OP posts:
Arran2024 · 18/06/2025 19:53

I had this. Mean girl was vile but the other woman was just taking the easy route by going along with whatever she wanted - i used to see this with my daughter when there were 3 girls at a play date, as the other 2 would gang up against her. Its so they won't be the one being left out. Mean girl will make sure it's not her and choose her ally, who is usually spineless but can see the way the wind is blowing.

Hugs xx

Dangermoo · 18/06/2025 19:56

Arran2024 · 18/06/2025 19:53

I had this. Mean girl was vile but the other woman was just taking the easy route by going along with whatever she wanted - i used to see this with my daughter when there were 3 girls at a play date, as the other 2 would gang up against her. Its so they won't be the one being left out. Mean girl will make sure it's not her and choose her ally, who is usually spineless but can see the way the wind is blowing.

Hugs xx

Agree with this. Just think to yourself OP that this other one is now tied to the nasty cow, you're not.

BakelikeBertha · 18/06/2025 19:57

A tricky and unpleasant situation for your OP. Do you actually LIKE the job? Does it have a future? If the answer to one or both of these is no, then I'd be tempted to look for something else within a bigger company. The whole thing seems really schoolgirl to me, and I've experienced it myself, so know how miserable it can be. If you do like the job however, I think you're going to have to toughen up, and ignore this behaviour. Is there anyone else that you can chat to so that you don't feel so left out of things?

Travellingpants · 18/06/2025 20:04

She sounds very insecure. I would keep being professional and pleasant and carry on. Let her be rude if she must. It doesn't reflect on you.

Some people are insecure and jealous so have to bond by excluding someone. Ultimately you don't want her as a friend. She doesn't meet basic standards of a decent person.

Things change. I started work with a horrible woman 6 years ago. Then her friend/partner in crime left and her dp got ill. Having been extra horrible to anyone going off sick, off she went on long term sick leave. Everything had changed when she came back. Meanwhile I got a better job within the organisation and never had to speak to her again.

Be professional and bide your time. Management loathed this woman but couldn't get rid of her. You might well find it reflects badly on her.

Llamachameleon · 18/06/2025 22:45

Thanks so much for these!

OP posts:
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