Bit of a long one, sorry!
Both DH and I work shifts, life is hectic, and we’ve got two young kids. It often feels like I carry most of the load with the kids and house, though I’ll admit he works longer/more unsociable hours than me.
Today was his first of four days off after a run of late shifts. I was supposed to be working school hours, but our youngest woke up with a temperature. I considered waking DH and telling him she was sick so I could still go to work — but knowing he’d just come off nights and had a few errands to run today, I decided to take emergency carer’s leave instead.
Now, I did a Sainsbury’s delivery yesterday. DH has just had a food intolerance test done and is avoiding milk, wheat, etc., so he asked for a few specific items:
- Oat milk (got substituted, not my fault)
- Durum wheat wraps (I got one pack instead of two that he put on list)
- Gluten-free bread (I got it)
- Corn tortillas (I accidentally ordered a version with wheat in them too — my mistake)
He
claims he also put corn thins on the list, but I double-checked and they weren’t there (that was last week).
I unpacked everything and did what I always do — new bread/wraps go in the freezer, old ones come out to be used first. I took out his old gluten-free bread and put the new one in the freezer. Nothing unusual there. That's my usual system.
This morning, I noticed DH had made a list of things he was planning to buy today (he needed to go to Sainsbury’s anyway, as I’d asked him to pick up a birthday cake for our eldest). On his list were:
- Oat milk (due to the sub)
- Corn tortillas (my ordering mistake)
- Gluten-free bread (still not sure why)
- Corn thins (which, again, weren’t on the order list)
I added “penguin bars” to the list — I’d forgotten them on the order and thought it was no big deal.
When DH got up and I told him about our youngest being ill, he was already a bit off with me. Then he saw the list and crossed out the penguins, saying grumpily,
“I’m not buying that just because you forgot to put it on the order.”
He then had a go at me for "messing up the shopping" and now having to go out to get it all.
I wasn't happy about his tone, so when he went outside for a coffee, I calmly said I didn’t like the way he spoke to me. He got defensive and accused me of being
arrogant and
inconsiderate for taking his bread out of the freezer and not getting “his” stuff right.
I said: I got the majority of what he asked for, I can’t control substitutions, I made one mistake (wrong wraps), He was already going to Sainsbury’s anyway And if he’s going to be this particular about food now, maybe it’s better if
he manages his own food shopping
He muttered an apology but was still in a mood. I tried to move on by talking about dinner, but he continued to sulk so I walked off.
Then he left for the whole morning — went for a run, got his hair cut — and now he’s back sulking on the sofa while I deal with both kids (one of whom is sick). Still no shopping done, and he’s barely spoken to me except to
once again say I was arrogant for taking his bread out the freezer and that I "never apologise " and should have "apologised and offered to "nip out" and get the replacements". It got heated, I walked out.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I try so hard to manage everything, and even when I try to be considerate, it feels like I can’t win. I’m genuinely questioning whether I can keep living like this.
AIBU?