Letting go of friendships that no longer work

[MoogooMongoose]

I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels this way about friendships?

I run my own business as a Therapist supporting people through difficult times of their lives.
I really enjoy making a difference and its incredibly rewarding and very intense at times.

Im also a Grandmother to a toddler whom DH and myself look after one day a week which really look forward to.

I often do extra childcare when needed but not more than one extra day as I work 4 full very long days already.

My hubby does the housework I do the cooking/ meal planning so not all on me.

I need to swim and walk and do yoga regularly as I have a health condition and these activities help me manage my joint pain and fatigue.

DH and I may only get one day free a week to relax together. We don't yearn for company of others apart from two couples we love dearly and our siblings occasionally.

Im reluctant to give this day up as hubby and I need this day to be just 'us'.

I have a few friends ive gradually had to let go of gently and some who still persistantly contact me meet up.

I find I feel so guilty making excuses not to see them.

But I struggle to have time or energy plus it means I have to give up swimming or yoga to do so.

Am I being unreasonable and is any one else in this position I feel guilty sometimes and don't know how to say no to friends. Ive been an empath and people pleaser in the past but as I've got older im trying very hard not to be!

Also how to explain this without a long boring description/ excuse of how full and busy my life is? I.e having to justify myself?

YANBU, you need to do what is best for you, otherwise you will become resentful of having to give up your precious time to suit other people. It's a shame you can't maybe occasionally meet up with friends but if you feel you just haven't got the capacity, then that's your prerogative. Have you explained the situation to your friends and will they listen?

It sounds like you have a super rich and full life and have to manage your energy carefully. So I can completely understand having to say no and protecting downtime with dp.

But…your circumstances won’t always be exactly as they are now. In your position I would continue to nurture your friendships in a way that can be managed (odd cinema trip or weeknight g&t). That’s not to say that’s what you have to do but I think friendship is one of the things that is truly important in life.

If your friends aren’t enough of a priority for you to meet up with them, for whatever reason, then you need to be honest about why so they can make an informed choice whether to bother staying in touch.

Stringing them along with excuses isn’t fair.

Yes this. Fair enough you don’t have the time for them but you obviously did at some point. Your life maybe full now but it might not always be.

I agree i do need to be frank with my friends and see if we can come up with a solution that works for us all. An occasional fun afternoon out.
I forgot to say I do have 2 cousins whom im close to who are my age. I could call them and them me anytime day or night.

How do you maintain friendships if you never meet up with them?

You are free to do whatever you want. If you don’t need or want them in your life, let them go.

Could you imagine one day possibly being a widow, would you then feel lonely having let your friendships go?

Friendships are valuable so think very carefully before letting them go.

DH might not always be around and you might regret not making the time for others.

Friendships are important. You shouldn’t waste your friends time if disinterested. If you treasure their friendship start inviting them on your walks, swims, yoga sessions?

I know we're all busy and maintaining friendships is hard but I don't know where I'd be without my female friends. I think it's worth making the effort to meet up when you can even if that means missing the odd night with your DH. Who knows what could happen in the future and you might need those friends. Even if you can't meet up as often as you'd like, a 15 minute catch up on the phone keeps you connected.

Sounds like you are putting all your eggs in one basket. Like others have said, circumstances change. Remember your friends on your way up…
Also, what if your friends need you?

It sounds like you’re fulfilled so just tell your friends that you’ll be in contact with them if you them.

Are any of your friends the type who would happily join you in your keep fit regime OP? It might be a good way of killing 2 birds with 1 stone as it were, and as others have said, there may come a time where you wish they were still around for you.

A lot of your life seems to revolve around "helping" or "giving" and that feels fulfilling for you.

What are your friendships like? Are they mutual or do you take on the "helper" role there, too?