Death of a grandparent triggered worry about parents

[brightonchicka]

I am 35 and have relatively young parents mum is 59 and father 62 - both in good health no medication. My grandparent has just died at 91 - its hit me like a ton of bricks as we were so close and even though i know it was coming at some point the pain is unberable and its my first real loss .

I am extremley close to my mother - she is my best friend and is has left me riddled with anxiety about her death and how i would feel . I worry i wont cope . I know its a long time off ( hopefully ) but the worry of it is awful - shes the one im with all time and although i have family of my own and friends she is my constant support and person i turn to . How do i manage this ?

@TheBlueRobin Thankyou for putting this into context … you are right i AM very lucky and i think that will help me goinb forward to remember that x

My own mum died a couple of years ago and I'm consumed with worry about the remaining 'parents' in our family - I have my dad plus sm and sd, my in-laws and step-in-laws.

It's also really made me think about my own mortality and how that will impact my dc.

@Ohmygodthepain sorry for your loss . I have always been a worriee but its made it so all consuming the loss of my lovely grandparent

Thankyou everyone appreciate the kind words

Very sorry you lost your grandparent.

My mum died when I was 32. I thought I wouldn't cope if that happened , but you do.

You are blessed to have had your grandparents in your life - I knew none of mine. The only thing you can do is enjoy the time with your parents. I am also very close to my DD (I’m 63, she’s just turned 20), and as her father died when she was little we are extremely close. I do worry about how she’ll cope when I go, but all I can do is get my house in order so there’s not a nightmare amount of stuff to go through, take care of my health, and enjoy our time together (she’s off at uni now, leading a very full life. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m the only thing she has).

I think the first loss is always the hardest so I'm not surprised you're having this reaction. Probably part of the grieving process. Just give it time! I'm sorry for your loss

I lost my younger brother when he was 28, from cancer. I was 31 with a 9 month old baby when he passed and spent months in grief counseling trying to make sense of it all.
I had a massive existential crisis, with the realisation it could have been me, or worse, my baby. It seemed to senseless and arbitrary. A person who was a piece of me and all my memories, was no longer part of life.

I was terrified of death from then, terrified something would happen to me, or worse my child and I wouldn’t be able to cope.

I just had to work through it. Nowadays I have less of a fear of death, and more a fear of suffering painfully having experienced a life poorly lived.

I promised my brother I’d take him everywhere with me, and live a life worthy of his memory. So I do. It’s how I keep the fear at bay. I do it, because he never got the chance to.

I'm in the unfortunate position that my first bereavement will likely be one of my parents, all of my Grandparents were gone before I was born and the only other family I have is my sister (and now my husband and kids) so I only have 3 family members who I am very very close to.

@Fourteenandahalf thankyou for your words

@mondaytosunday 63 is young in comparison to elderly parents - my mum is 59 but yet you still worry …

@Firefly1987 thankyou !

My parents didn’t have me till they were over 40. My Mother died at 94 and my Father at 84. I am extremely lucky they were long lived. Just be glad your parents had you young.

My DD died and I have had some friends die very young as has DH. When people reach a great age it’s to be celebrated.

@ViciousCurrentBun So sorry about your DD . I agree its something to celebrate , 91 was a fantastic achievement

I lost my first grandparent when I was 23, then I lost the other 3 within 6 months of me being 31/32. My dad was 63 when he lost his parents which is a fantastic age to get to having parents. My mum died when I was 39 and my dad is now 78 and has dementia so don't know how long we will have my dad remembering us. He has forgot grandkids names, he knows who they are just not names. My kids are 17,:21 and 23 and have I grandparent, I feel so sad for them as they were so young when the grandparents died they have no memories like what I had with my Grandparents.

I’m with @Fourteenandahalf - my mum died when I was 30 and within 2 years also my dad. If you had asked me if I could have coped with it, i would have said no way. But you have to - so you do. There is no other option. Try not to think about it and enjoy them while they are around. Make Sure you have no regrets later and find out as much as you can about them.