Can't cope with lights and noise at school

[Greyskies92]

I hear this all the time about kids struggling with the school environment. And I'm sure for a tiny minority of children this might be the main overriding issue. But I was listening to an article about school refusal the other day and this trope came up again and again, never at any point was the behaviour of other kids mentioned. AIBU to think a lot of the time this is used as some kind of euphemism for kids that (whether they even realise it themselves or not) simply can't cope with how hostile an environment school is because of the other children. It never gets mentioned in these types of articles the constant cruelty kids are subject to from their peers. And this is understandably intolerable for many. Why isn't this being discussed? I suspect because nothing can be done.

I've never seen a school that wasn't lit with horrible fluorescent tubes, and they are definitely noisy. I know some staff who wear Loop earplugs, never mind the kids.

But yeah, getting kids to be nice to each other is Sisyphean. So many different and conflicting needs. I do think risks posed by peers is a blind spot in a lot of people's views of safeguarding.

Recently I saw a pupil in the supermarket with a parent. They looked so happy and relaxed - I've known the pupil for nearly 3 years now and I've never seen them look like that in school 😥

I also think the typical UK school system makes it more likely for unpleasant, unempathetic behaviour to occur, and less likely that adults will notice it (large schools so no one knows everyone, different sets for every subject so kids are in constantly changing groups, at least 1 teacher per subject so each teacher only sees the kids a couple of hours each week, individual teachers being responsible for teaching hundreds of students each week so cannot possibly remember them all; PFI schools rarely have adequate areas for students to use at break times leading to further conflict, use of unqualified staff who don't know the kids to supervise break times)

ive Found though that a lot of parents will cite ‘sensory needs’ or ‘impulse control’ issues that means their child hits, bites, pushes, throws stuff at other kids etc or even just silliness like name calling in a stupid voice etc and use things like an spd or adhd diagnosis to try and excuse the behaviour and claim their child is the victim and no one understands their needs when other kids maybe who have SEN too but have other needs are upset by their behaviour. It works both ways there’s not just legions of kids out there waiting to bully whoever comes their way yes there is always a few and I think how schools deal with them can vary in its effectiveness but I’ve had to deal with allegations of bullying from one parent who the ‘bullies’ parents then come back with well the victim did this that and the other. Trying to decide how to deal when a kid with an adhd diagnosis brings a vape in and gives it to a boy with a ASD diagnosis and the boy with ASD then blurts to a teacher when caught that boy with adhd brought it in, then becomes a ‘snitch’ but boy with adhd parents start saying school is ableist as their son has impulse control issues and is influenced by the boy who has ASD …. Its very messy and confusing to deal with

Or a LAC who has had so much trauma pushes another kid down the stairs because that kid was teasing them about their football ability, cracking the kids head open but social workers veto punishment due to adverse childhood experiences and various diagnoses so the kid who’s head got cracked opens parents want to go to police and teachers are caught in the middle of it all not able to disclose the LAC child’s background etc

I know plenty of lovely children with sensory processing differences who express how they really struggle with the lunch hall, classroom, playground and how noisy they are. They are not bullied and are not naughty. They wouldn't make a fuss about finding these situations difficult. But they find these situations difficult.

They are coping because they are well supported. If this support goes and they feel unsettled, or if they are bullied, or if their teachers spend all lesson telling other kids off, these sensory demands may become overwhelming. I worry that this will be these children's experience of high school.

Sensory processing difficulties are real. But people can cope so long as they don't have other insurmountable challenges in their day.

I think it's both tbh.
Loud teens scare my DD and she never liked being shut in an echoey room with them.

The lights and noise thing is huge for many many neurodiverse kids. Loads of families avoid places like soft play and supermarkets and swimming pools for years.

Everyone talks about the costs of supporting kids individually but I have no idea why schools don’t put in more collective support that will help lots of children in one go. Changing the lighting and carpeting the corridors would have a hugely beneficial impact on many of the neurodiverse children in the school at a fraction of the cost.

I do feel like school is more challenging for children now than when I was at school. Behaviour feels worse, even in the leafy village school my girls go too, with many more fallings out, pressure to keep up with trends etc.
Children are also expected to put up with aggression based on the other child having SEN, I have lost count of the number of times my oldest has come home with cuts and bruises due to being hit and school, and teachers just write it off based on 'the other child can't help it'. That may or may not be correct, but my child doesn't deserve to be hurt on an almost daily basis.

It’s not helped by parents kicking off at “draconian” rules such as no talking in corridors. But yes, I think a lot of sensory needs are a reflection of children being uncomfortable in modern classroom environments, which can tend to the chaotic.

I work in a SEN school, and its a real sensory nightmare.
We don't have school bells or fire tests though thankfully as I cant cope with them going off.
The lighting is horrific though. We need to have it bright for those with vision difficulties, but its so harsh. Even got them in the sensory rooms.

My ND teen has always struggled with things like birthday parties, shows, events because of the noise and crowds. ('Struggles' = can become distressed to the point we have to leave. Not just doesn't like them or gets a bit grumpy.)

That said, I would say the behaviour of other kids at secondary has been a bigger issue to contend with. They get genuinely scared in the chaos of it, there's awful misbehaviour in general, and I'd say most days there is some kind of mean comment or behaviour towards them that they find upsetting, and every few weeks something more serious and targeted. Out of the blue, just from random other kids, rather than one bully. Feels like it's in the air there.

But this will vary by school and by child. Some kids have much bigger sensory issues than my DC. Some schools are smaller/calmer have better behaviour.