Reality check needed

[CyndiLauper]

While being intimate, my partner whacked my butt really hard. Twice. It was painful. We’d never done that before or spoken about it. The other context is we’ve been having lots of issues lately, he says his mental health is bad and it’s been a tough few weeks or longer. So it felt almost like an unsaid punishment… nothing has been said about it. In fact he was distant in the morning and said he was mentally struggling to be around anyone. AIBU to think this was more about male anger than anything else?

If you had never talked about this before he hit you and you did not specifically consent to him hitting you before he did it then he assaulted you.

And yes it sounds like it was done to hurt you and to vent his anger on you.

I would be worried if I were you OP about your safety with this man.

He hit you, twice. That you were naked and vulnerable makes it even worse. And he hasn’t even apologised? Who gives a shit if he’s having mental health problems?! He hit you! I’d get far away from him.

Thank you so much

😔 how sad I’ve had to ask. And that part of me still thinks he had no idea and was just trying to do something a bit different. But the force behind it felt excessive

Originally I thought he’d have no idea it was wrong. He’s always been gentle (apart from some mutually given but not spokenly consented to firm squeezes). Now I’m not so sure as been v defensive about other stuff

How dare he! That is definitely something you check before doing for the first time.

How would he have responded if you slapped him hard and out of the blue while in bed?

Hmm he’d probably like it. But of course I’d never go in with a full force blow out of nowhere.

Some people are voting AIBU… outliers? Part of me still wonders

Can I ask why you didn't say something to him at the time? If my partner had done that I would have said 'Ow! That hurt, don't do that!'

Are you afraid of his reaction? If so, you need to get out of the relationship. This is not healthy and actually sounds quite dangerous.

This! To put it mildly.

Think I was shocked. I see what you’re saying

No-one can know what was in his mind, but it doesn’t really make much difference. You need to tell him you didn’t like it and that he’s absolutely never to do anything like that again without checking with you first that you agree.

If he does, you’ll know what you have to do.