To think kindness is overrated?

[ZanyTealSwan]

Being fair and direct matters more than being “nice.”

Too general. All those things are important and not mutually exclusive

In a workplace or getting a diagnosis, yes but in friendships then no.
Kindness is more important.

Not being a push-over matters just as much, but you can be both.

People confuse "kindness" with shyness or weakness. They are not the same at all.

Depends what you mean by kindness.

I think being ‘nice’ and being kind are two different things.

"Be kind" is performative BS.

Actually being kind can include honesty, directness, openness, integrity...all sorts of values.

I think kindness is hugely underrated. But actual kindness. Not nonsense or virtue signalling.

It is to an extent because if you’re kind too much then people can take the piss and don’t deserve your kindness. I think the trick is to be kind because you WANT to, not because you feel you have to (unless in work situations, then you might have to!) and not with any intent for it to be reciprocated.

Be comfortable with the possibility of getting nothing back and learn when to say no and stop being kind when someone starts taking you for granted. Always set strong boundaries. Kindness costs nothing and does make life easier to navigate in all sorts of situations but a lot of the time it can spill over into people pleasing.

@ZanyTealSwan

"Being fair and direct matters"

Usually, means being rude, ime.

Agree.

I rather someone be kind to me than nice.

I agree, but I also think people misunderstand what kindness is. It isn’t always being nice or being a people pleaser. Sometimes giving someone a hard, direct truth is the kindest thing to do. Same as sometimes euthanising an animal is the kindest thing. Kind does not mean nice and vice versa.

That said, I really can’t be doing with people who can’t be honest and beat about the bush without giving a direct answer because they think it’s nice/kind. Give me bluntness any day. So on that note I agree.

In the same way that kindness is not the same as niceness, directness is not the same as rudeness.

In what context? Nice and direct are not mutually exclusive.

Interesting. Yes, kindness is not obligation.

I think having boundaries is not unkind. I think it's that kind of thought that screws young women up in particular. We are often taught to think of others and that putting our needs first is selfish and it goes too far the other way. Kindness shouldn't harm us.

Wish I'd learned being kind to myself starts with boundaries when I was younger.

We should teach youngsters that being kind is not the same thing as putting our own needs last all the time. It's about empathy. But we do not have to give in to those who behave badly towards us. It may be a kindness to someone who is behaving badly to in fact have clear boundaries and communication.