OK = a long one, sorry.
So my mom died last winter but due to the timing and what is normal where she and the rest of the family lives there was no funeral. Her body was cremated and my brothers and I planned to have a party to celebrate her life. We picked a date close to her birthday and started making plans.
To assist with this my DH and I flew overseas and were staying with my Bro3 in the family home. He has lived there for nearly 10 years as mom's carer, even after she moved into assisted living a few years back. We have been actively trying to sell the property for the last couple of years off and on back had no luck so far.
So my plan, as agreed with the family, was that DH would stay at the family home as we'd be there for about 6 weeks and hotels would be too expensive for that length of time. On the day we arrived one of Bro3's best friends died (not unexpected completely) and a day later another was sent home from hospital as he also wasn't given long to live. Obviously this must have caused Bro3 a lot of stress though when asked he repeatedly denied it.
So Bro3 was always ridiculously busy, doing up the garden, running errands. No time to talk about party planning. And getting seriously miffed at me and hubby. We were buying groceries, cooking dinner for him and his son who also lives at the house. We'd try to do something nice for dinner Bro3 would change what we were doing, start making a salad out of manky stuff that was going off in the fridge. We'd be told to ensure there was enough for nephew who then would not show up for dinner or once showed up with his girlfriend. So we were getting stressed too.
Because Bro was so busy it was several days before we could talk about party plans and it turned out that he had everything sorted, knew exactly who to contact for catering, what to order, for how many. So why was I there?? Our other brothers had arranged to be there just a few days before the party so I could have done the same.
Then 1 morning I was cooking breakfast for DH and myself and Bro went off on one. Why didn't I have the fan on if I was cooking bacon? I explained that I couldn't put it on as there was only 1 outlet (really stupid set up) and I had the toaster plugged in. DH somewhat snapped and said he was sick of the nitpicking from Bro. Bro went for him saying how we were making a mess and not helping and generally getting nasty to both of us. I tried to stop his rant but got a "talk to the hand" gesture and basically was told to stop talking. DH stormed out of the house and I was left standing there with an angry Bro and a half cooked breakfast. Bro then stomped out to continue doing more to the garden (none of which was necessary to begin with)
I asked after a bit for Bro to come and talk to me. Apparently this was all our fault for wanting to eat too late (he likes to eat at 5 apparently but had never mentioned this), that my DH's cooking was disgusting (it isn't, he's a very good cook), that my DH was abusive to me (not, but he does have a sarcastic humour that I know and respond to in kind) and I'm a simpering idiot (example being that I said I liked the food Bro thought was disgusting - i.e. goulash). Furthermore that I should never have married DH and that our parents had always said so and that this had all been discussed with him and our other brothers prior to our marriage nearly 40 years back. I was shocked to say the least.
So DH only came back long enough to pack, I did the same and we went to stay in a hotel. My Bro's last comment before I closed the door was "oh so you're going to leave the messy kitchen for me to clean up, aren't you?"
We stayed in hotels for a few nights as there was some personal business we needed to do and then paid £1500 to change our flights to come home.
My other brothers were shocked at the whole turn of events. The celebration that was being planned is later this week, I won't be there and I'm assuming they will be fielding questions as to why. So they'll get whatever story they decide to hand out. Bro1 has already admitted that Bro3's version doesn't match mine. No surprise.
I can't forget how nasty Bro3 was. He has always been sharp with his tongue and can be really spiteful at times. It was worse when he was a drinker and since going teetotal he's improved a bit he's still no angel. I didn't respond in kind to him when he was having a go at us. I could have said that at least we have made our marriage work which he hasn't managed with any of his wives.
But all of that aside....I don't want to be without my family, I like all my brothers in various ways, but don't see how we can pretend this hasn't happened. Even if Bro3 said sorry now I doubt I could get to the family home in time for the celebration. And I doubt that he actually thinks he has anything to apologise for.
I'll draw a line here.....not sure if I need any responses but needed to unload.