What is the most sensible option? What would you do? Baby no 2

[Helpmeout12345]

I’m turning 30 years old in a couple weeks, DH is 32. We have a DD who is 2.5 years old.

What is the most sensible option?

First option: TTC now and all being well get pregnant this year, whilst living in small 2 bed flat. Lower mortgage due to smaller place, so maternity leave SMP will not hit us as much. Put house on market whilst heavily pregnant and aim to move when baby is young to a bigger house. I wouldn’t be returning to current job so possibly affect moving / mortgage? (Dream area is 3 hours from where we are now) have a 3.5 year age gap between kids. Give birth at 30?

Second option: Put house on market next year and aim to move mid to late 2026 into a 3 bed house. Get sorted in house and then ttc, will mean a bit of a bigger age gap of 4-5 years. Have baby at 32 ish rather than 30. Have a bigger mortgage and have a dip in money due to this and being on SMP when on maternity leave.
DD will be in school so one in school and newborn may be easier?

We always said we’d start ttc this July but also want to move next year - I just don’t know what’s best!!

Another vote for option 1 😄

Option 1 it is! Thanks everyone!

My 3 year gap pair never ever played together. Nor did my brother and I ( 2 yrs 2 mth) gap so nothing is certain *

Check out mortgage options. I had to declare i was pregnant and provide evidence that I was retuning to work when I was pregnant and we were trying to get remortgage.

This is what I’m worried about. We would have to find jobs elsewhere due to being 3 hours away. I’m not sure how we could get round it

Option 2 because we tried to get a mortgage with two very young ones and the amount we were paying in childcare completely trashed our affordability. Now we've got to wait until DD is in school before we'll be able to get a decent mortgage. Move before you get PG or after the second child is in the preschooler phase is my best advice.

I guess it comes down to what you want more? Will the dream move still be there, even if it takes you a bit longer to make it work with job changes etc? That’s never going to be super simple though.

With two MCs before conceiving first DC I have to say if I was sure I wanted a second, I wouldn’t be putting it off.

Can you afford the dream property just on dh wage?

I always thought I’d want a small age gap, but circumstances didn’t work out that way and there’s 5 years between mine. I love the big gap, DS adores his sister and they play together all the time, he’s her idol. Also much easier to move house with just the one child than two just in terms of practicalities.

How can you " prove" that you would be returning to work?

Luckily that wasn’t my experience with the broker we used - as far as they were concerned until there’s a baby there’s no change in circumstances. Told them I was pregnant and that I’d be returning to work full time and that was it - this was in 2020, don’t know if criteria have tightened up since then

I think I'd go with option 1 but if possible wait until after baby is born and you are settled in a routine before putting the house on the market.
With option 2 you don't know how long it will take to conceive or for your house to sell. It may end up being a couple of years longer than you expect.

We remortgaged whilst i was on mat leave and i had to get a letter from my employer stating on what basis I was returning to work and what my salary would be. Obviously I could have resigned after that point! And the mortgage company would have been none the wiser. But nevertheless we were asked to provide a letter.

My question I guess is how will you feel/manage if you do option 1 and it all goes wrong? In option one I can see it taking 18 months to 2 years to sell your house possibly. How would option one feel if you are in your current house until baby is 18 months or 2? Secondly "wouldn’t be returning to current job so possibly affect moving / mortgage? " Seriously "possibly affect" is a serious understatement for has the potential to mean you have to pay back a serious chunk of your maternity pay and then could only be approved for a mortgage of an amount based on your partner's income only.

If those things don't happen option one sounds good, but giving neither getting pregnant nor buying/selling a house are easy to exactly time months beforehand, I don't think you will know they won't happen until you see the exact timing of your baby's birth and your house sale/buy. If you wouldn't want to do option one with a tiny mortgage and maternity pay debts, then you can't do option one.

My brother and I have a 2.5 year gap. We never played together, though we often fought.

I have 3 kids, with age gaps of 11yrs and 3.5yrs and i’d say ideally, 2 and 3 i’d have had less than 3.5yrs. They did get on well DS2 and DD, but in these latter years as they’ve grown older, i’ve felt 4 school years apart is quite a lot. I’d have had maybe 2.5yrs gap if it was my choice. I was still only 31 though when I had my youngest, but you’re still very young.