Swimming pool and kids

[Swimmingpool123]

Hi all,

Just curious to know whether you all think I am being unreasonable or not.

Partner arrived home with the pool attached in the picture and filled it up.
We have 3 kids ages 3, 6 and 17.

I am not happy to have a pool of this size with my younger two, especially the 3 year old.
there is a cover for it but it is one of those plastic sheets that would barely hold up the weight of a leaf don’t mind a small child and I also feel this could be more dangerous if you were to get caught up in it.

I have since emptied the pool as we are in a disagreement over it.

He has said he will build a solid lockable cover for it (eg something like plywood on top and around sides).

what are your thoughts and many thanks in advance.

I agree with @AprilShowers25 - this will make your life harder so it is unfair of DH to buy it without a discussion.

I think people are overestimating the size of this pool, it’s only 65 cms high, a 3 year old could definitely fall into it ! However, We had one a of these when I was a kid, and again for my kids , great fun . Didn’t require filters or chemicals, just refill from time to time. Depending on where you live it probably won’t be hot enough to leave it full half the time anyway. Although in the 70’s we were just left to get on with it, I would want to cover it now, and wouldn’t leave kids unattended. But they are fun !

Yes I know that, and its bloody tragic.

But I just think its a bit full on to not get a paddling pool or pond because you have young children. When YOU know that YOU won't leave them and allow them to be unattended around it, or will put a secure cover on, or put up safety gates etc. to make sure they are perfectly safe and nothing can happen. You take full responsibility for keeping them safe. As long as you trust yourself I don't see the issue.

What next, not having slides or swings or climbing frames in case a child falls?

I think that if young children are properly supervised and are looked after by responsible adults then it just seems a shame to deny them these simple summer play pleasures.

Just my opinion of course and I understand not everyone will agree.

This comment is key. It'll require OP to watch the 3 and 6 years old constantly when they are in the garden. One of the benefits of a secure garden is that your kid can potter whilst you have a coffee, sit in a hammock, tidy the kitchen that looks on to the garden etc. this will prevent all that.

YANBU. We regularly leave our back door open in summer and let 3 year old DS potter in and out of the house. The garden is secure and completely safe (literally just a small, flat patio with a bench and a flat lawn with nothing on it or around it) so I feel fine getting something out of the oven or going for a wee and leaving 3 year old for 2 mins. No way could you do that if there’s a pool in the garden, making it much harder work for you.

@Swimmingpool123 surely your 3 and 6 year old isn’t outside unsupervised? We have a pool and never left our kids outside unsupervised by the pool. As long as they aren’t unsupervised I don’t see the problem personally.

We bought this exact pool in the first lockdown and it’s come out every year since, it’s brilliant. DS was 4 when we first got it and couldn’t swim without armbands, he lived in it that first lockdown summer. He was never unsupervised in the garden so it was fine. We bought the proper intex cover to go over it which when pulled tight at the corners is pretty sturdy, I don’t see how a child could fall in with that on.

It’s fine, I can’t see the problem? You can’t leave the three year old unattended even in a tiny pool. It’ll be fine, let them enjoy it!

I'm surprised how many people say the kids won't be unattended in the garden, mine go out there all the time? I wouldn't let the 2 year old out on her own without me but with the 5 and 9 year old I would.

I have no dea why but I'm in a face book group for over ground pools ( ii haven't left it because there are some brilliant pools and I wish I lived in a warmer country with a bigger garden so I could have one ) they have lots of advice about decks ,keeping the pool clean etc, it's an American Facebook group.

Theu could die in any small paddling pool ,I think even the three year old would be able tp stand up in it ,we had an 8ft one during lockdown my son was 13 at the time the water came up to his knees,
Obviously I would never leave a three year old un supervised though.

Yes but I think the point is that OP would normally be able to let the DC play and now this is an issue.
By MN standards Im very very relaxed but paddling pools do make me nervous. The back garden is one place you should be able to relax and let the DC roam free while you are doing some chores or making dinner or whatever but when the pool is up (and ours is nowhere near as big as the one in the OP) I am on edge. There was a horrific tragedy near me years back where a child of eight (so not a toddler) fell into the pool while retrieving something from it and she fell into head first but was wearing her holy communion dress so it weighed her down . There was a a full house of people for the communion party but in the few minutes of no one noticing she drowned. I know it’s a very random set of circumstances but it’s a story that never left me and it’s made me very wary as I can totally imagine DD playing with a Chelsea or an lol doll in the water and leaving them there and then later on deciding to lean in to get them or whatever . I will admit it’s one bit of parenting I’m a bit irrational on.

TBH I don’t really see how a small child would accidentally fall into that sort of pool - it’s not like an in-ground pool.

My Gdc3, was a small baby when dd and SiL first acquired the pool, but once big enough (still under 3) dd or SiL would be in the water with her and encourage her to swim (not with armbands*) Now 5, she’s very confident in the water.

*TBH I dislike those - children never learn with those things on.

Just to add, we were lucky to be living in a warm climate with a pool close by when dd1 was very small - I took her swimming almost every day. But one day, when I was in the deep end, she wanted to take her armbands off and jump in with me. Since I was there to catch her, I said OK. She was barely 2.

She came up swimming! Underwater, with what I’d call a tadpole-wriggle. Instantly at home in the water. Dh was worried at first that she wouldn’t remember to come up for air, but of course she did.

I had read about chucking small babies in - apparently they’d instinctively know how to swim, like puppies, but I’d never dared to try it!

Kids have loved paddling pools since the dawn of time. And that one is brilliant! You are the one with the problem. Fill it up, enjoy the nice weather and supervise them! It will be raining again before we know it.

This. I live on the coast in Florida. Within a few miles of me there are numerous public and private pools, retention ponds, two rivers and the ocean. Water is a way of life here.

My children grow up in a house with a pool and a pond in the backyard. Supervise your children, teach them to swim and they will be fine.

Everyone is different of course. I didn’t let my kids out unsupervised in the garden at all until very recently if I’m honest. Not sure how everyone else is but I didn’t. And im ok with that. Not my place to tell others how to parent - I just assumed maybe wrongly that a 3 year old and a 6 year old would be supervised outside. Not sure your fear is irrational i completely get it and agree.

I think it would drive me crazy to have this in my garden - the upkeep and the worry. We regularly have neighbourhood children and friends in and out of the house and I haven't 'supervised' them for years and years now. But I would need to watch them constantly if this was in the garden. No matter how much you get your own children used to it, if you have another child there they won't know how to approach it.

I grew up in a country with lots of backyard pools but the ones we were around regularly were fenced off and we had the safety drilled into us from when we could walk. Totally different here where it's much more unusual.

I wouldn't be happy with this and would not allow it. I don't think the cover (either the one that comes with it or your husband's idea) sounds safe. You couldn't turn your back for a moment. Drowning is the most common cause of accidental death in young kids. Your DH should have consulted with your first. Stand firm I think.

Also, I let my kids (6 and 2) out into the garden unsupervised. Not for hours on end but they play out there while I am inside. It's a back garden so they can't get out to the road or anything.

Thanks all really appreciate it - will discuss with other half tonight (although maybe I should just pack it up without his input)

Just to clarify they would never ever be in the pool unattended, if we were to keep it my main concern would be during non swimming times when the cover would be on.

As I mentioned in my previous post my garden is small (think terraced house four fence panels long and 5 panels width) and my kitchen patio doors open into my garden so at the moment I feel it’s ok to be inside for example tidying the kitchen for a few mins as I can see them, but I feel with a pool I need to be physically outside with them at all times watching even during non swimming time with the cover on.
My 6 year old is a daredevil and 3 year old idolises him so I wouldn’t trust them one bit.
I may feel differently if this wasn’t the case.
3 year old could definitely climb in.

I also go to worst case scenarios which doesn’t help, Child sleepwalking, forgetting to lock door etc

So yes, will think about whether the worry is worth it or not as I know they would absolutely love it, and maybe it’s selfish and paranoid of me but erring on the side of packing away for another few years and revisiting.

Thank you all again x

I’d stick it on marketplace or give it away to someone with older kids because it ruins any chance of the kids being able to play in the garden without eyes on them at all times hardcore levels of supervision. No pottering in the kitchen doing the dishwasher or reading your book whilst they play on the slide. If you need the loo the kids have to come in with you and you lock the back door behind you. It’s not comparable in anyway to a permanent pool that would be fenced or a paddling pool that you empty at the end of the day and only fill up if you’re feeling it. Makeshift covers I wouldn’t trust from a safety perspective and they can also mess with the chemical composition if left on too long in hot weather. I wouldn’t pack it up for later either because I think your youngest would need to be 8 and a decent swimmer before I’d even consider leaving it up and filled all summer and that’s a long old time to store it.

And your husband owes you an apology for being a thoughtless idiot for buying the bloody thing without thinking, wasting money, not considering the safety, not considering how it makes your life harder and making you be the bad guy that has to say no.

All very valid and true points - thank you @Bitzee

If he insists you know where to direct the kids every time they ask to use it - ‘yes I’m sure daddy will play in the pool with you’

Exactly this. Absolutely no way. You will sacrifice any relaxing summer moment, with the doors open and the kids playing freely, because you will need to know where they are at all times. It's not worth it. And no matter how well you drum it into a 6 and 3 year old that they can't go near it alone, you'd be a fool to trust them at that age.

That would make me nervous with a 3 year old