Therapist asked about childhood unsure whether to say anything?

[MissHanna4]

I have recently started therapy for something that happened to me a year ago. Sessions going great, but therapist asked me about life before the event and whether anything else had happened in my life before then, also how was my childhood, to which I replied it was fine.

I don’t really think about my childhood, but since he’s asked me I have been, a lot.

Siblings both have quite bad mental health problems, both on anti- depressants, and at times had struggled with day to day life. Parents separated when we were teens and siblings were quite older so went with dad, I went with mum, mum moved far away at the time so now none of us live near to each other and none of us have ever been close but keep in touch, and there’s always the understanding if we needed each other no matter what time etc. we are always there for each other.

I’ve never told anyone before but they used to physically fight a lot, I’ve seen both of them draw blood by each other, punches, kicks, had knives to each other, I remember a window and a door being smashed where one of them had gone through during an argument. If they weren’t fighting, they were constantly bickering, there was a lot of alcohol involved. Then when they were single they both had countless boyfriends/girlfriends and we then had new people in our new homes all the time, there were two boyfriends I was left alone with who came into my room and propositioned me. How have I forgotten all this until now?

Since I’ve been an adult and had my own place, I don’t have a massive amount to do with either of my parents, never fell out but again I’ve never really thought about it, I have an extremely busy job and I work pretty much all of the time.

As I’ve just written this down I am quite disturbed by what I’ve said. We were always told as children, we had food, clean clothes and a roof over our heads, which is always the way I’ve thought about my childhood and it’s the only one Ive had so it’s normal to me - I am completely aware there’s lots of children who have had it worse than us.

Please can I have your honest thoughts?

Have a session to explore this with the therapist and see where it goes. It took me a year of counselling to open up about my trauma.

I didn’t mean to post in AIBU, I meant to post in mental health apologies

Yes, I think you should mention it. You can tell the therapist that you don't think it's had a lasting impact if you like, but lots of these things have a bearing on how we deal with things as an adult, whether we realise it or not.

Your childhood was your normal, so when the therapist asked it didn’t occur to you to raise it.

Definitely mention it. It has a bearing on your expectations and motivations as an adult, where you have been conscious of it or not.

💐

This is really helpful, thank you all

How we are now and how we cope with things is always informed by our history whether it was good or bad. Your therapist is wondering about your past to find clues about how you deal with issues in your life now and understand your world view.
If you want to do deeper work explore it with your therapist at your own pace. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the support you need to deal with what comes up for you. X

Yes, this.

Go gently; it’s ok to not try to cover everything at once, or to pull back in some sessions

But yes, everyone’s childhood has an impact on our adult behaviour patterns and it is healthy to be able to look at these, to become aware of them, so we can choose which patterns we keep and which we change.

It does sound like significant parts of your childhood were troubled, and acknowledging that may be painful, but in my experience in the long term it is very helpful to understand it better.

I am a parent and my therapy (I did six months of weekly sessions in the end) has been invaluable at helping me manage my frustrations, take responsibility for my own needs and self-soothe/self-care, and be a more aware and patient Mum as a result. Personally, I found it hard going at times, but very rewarding in the long term x

Take your time and only do/say what you are comfortable with. This is big trauma to explore and you need to look after yourself both in session and out. It's seems your body is ready to explore this part of your past. However, it can be incredibly difficult and emotionally draining.

Always have something that makes you feel good, set time aside to process/reflect on what was discussed in session. Don't put pressure on yourself to discuss your childhood, those a deep scars you spoke of, please, please go easy on yourself.