Many care homes are very depressing environments

[Meandsusiehadsomuchfun]

I know not all homes are like this but many are. What is also alarming in the home I've been in is that many residents in the advanced stages of dementia are only in their early/mid 70s, which is no age at all really.

There are obviously funding issues which means most carers are not well paid at all, and staff numbers are low. It can cause people to be overworked, stressed and to start resenting the job.
A lot of residents with dementia no longer have any autonomy over their lives, and it's sad to see. I understand some of it is necessary as otherwise they can forget to eat and drink, forget to wash themselves.

But I see homes telling night staff to start getting people up at 5am so there are enough residents up for the day staff, a lot of care staff neglecting oral hygiene and residents being put in someone else's clothes because their own have gone missing.

Put into a chair and left there all day apart from toileting, told to sit down, wait a minute, stop shouting. Put into bed at 7pm and again the next day. I haven't seen any entertainments in some of the homes despite management claiming there are always things going on.
I know some homes are really nice and allow residents a lot more choice, and of course with dementia it's difficult as you do need to encourage residents to do certain things.

It's just sad to know these people are in the end stages of their life and would probably be horrified if they could see themselves now. It doesn't feel dignified for them. Care work will likely always be underpaid and under funded though and I don't see things changing.

@GnomeDePlume Plus fewer women worked (for money) and families were prepared to be poor. Now we don’t want that but there’s another cost. We cannot look after our own elderly unless we are rich or don’t need to work. Many retired people now look after their parents which doesn’t feel like a great retirement.

Dementia care is more expensive than standard care. My DMs care home was £5,500 a month. Here, dementia care at a good standard would be more. So who pays? The rich can but others? The state: but the state doesn’t have the money. We won’t take out insurance (remember Teresa May tried) so we have sub standard care. It’s actually our fault.

Yes, people died younger and we didn’t see dementia as much 60 years ago. DNR is vital. Many relatives cannot cope with death and we need to get tougher. Pete Townsend got it right.

You would have to ask them. A family member in denial who cannot cope with the decline has definitely played a part.

This is more or less our situation. Add in an acute hospital stay which was what saved her for this kind of life and a relative in complete denial about the decline it is very eye opening.

My mum’s care home was a bit scruffy but they really looked after residents. It was run by Methodist Housing Association. The staff were amazing. 4700 per month in the NW

I think if they knew the impact of CPR on an old frail person they might change their mind. It's pretty horrific.

As a first aider whose attended many calls requiring CPR I’m aware and I’ve said, medical staff at the hospital have said but the denial is what it is, our hope is that medical staff would step in. She is far too frail.

I think generally hospital staff won't do it.

I have had a relative in a care home...an incredibly expensive private one...even though it was objectively 'good' yes it was still very depressing....it's the nature of it I think.

My mum’s care home was better than a lot and the staff were kind. But there was only the capacity for my mum to have a bath and hair wash once a week. My sister and I were allowed to go in and do it but other residents weren’t so lucky. Until they start recognising how hard being a carer is and paying a decent wage things won’t change.

Yep. I never want to end up in a care home. I'd happily agree a take it or leave it deal to die on my 80th if the deal in return was I would never end up in a care home.

I’m not sure what people expect to be honest. Unskilled staff, minimum wage, in a job that I can only imagine is pretty thankless at the best of times. Many people go into care because it’s a last resort. And it absolutely shouldn’t be like that. I think it needs a massive overhaul.

My Mum is very fortunate to be in her care home . They are really excellent there . She is very happy and they all love her . I think what has made the difference is that it's the local care home to where she lived her whole life and she knows a lot of her fellow residents and staff since they were babies . It makes a huge difference. They have church every week there. A beautiful garden to sit in . A resident cat and Guinea pigs and the food is excellent 😁
I know how lucky we are .

The staff aren't unskilled. They work under very difficult conditions. Many homes are understaffed with heavy reliance on agency workers. And yes they're poorly paid particularly in private homes.

My Dad had respite in a lovely care home but he didn't like living with 32 others that he hadn't chosen to live with and the general hubledeebub noise of a busy environment.

One day, we may not be able to cope, and he will.have to move to one. However, while we can, we will look after him here at home. We are in year 3 of increasing care now.

I cant imagine how hard the work must be - looking after 32 dads who wake at night, need bed changes regularly, try and dress with clothes upside down, pull out catheters as a distraction, struggle to eat, have Jekyll and Hyde personalities, and want to go wandering despite being a falls risk - and assessing medical need - all whilst being unable to communicate. 1 is hard enough and I love the menace to bits!

Unskilled is the wrong word. Unqualified. A lot of them are school leavers.

Where Dad went they weren't. I'd say most were 45 plus.

I work in a care home. It's beautiful like a 4 star hotel. There is some sort of activity every day although activity staff struggle to engage them and often have to wake them up first. 3 course meals for each meal which are primarily left as residents dont have appetites. However it is true that some residents get up very early and go to bed very early. It isn't forced on them but it is too much work to get everyone up and showered by the day staff and equally too much to put everyone to bed by one shift. Residents who have mobility are allowed to wander within the unit and can go to other units if accompanied by family or staff. But here is the thing dementia patients are very difficult at times. They will urinate anywhere such as up curtains and in wardrobes for example. The housekeeping team frequently clean up excrement from floors, bedding, towels, furniture, curtains, cushions etc. Food is often hidden in drawers as are soiled incontinence pads. Regarding clothes, all clothes should be labelled but families often forget to ensure this is done and labels fall off. Incontinent residents clothes are usually washed at 70 degrees and care staff put them in dissolving bags so laundry staff have little idea what is being washed so accidents happen such as boil washing a cashmere jumper! Finally we do sometimes put residents in clothes that don't belong to them, sometimes by accident as the item has been put in the wrong drawer or because they don't have enough clothes that fit or enoughsheer volume, especiallyIncontinentresidentswho may get throughseveral outfits s day and some are very messy eaters, think of a toddler. They will often lose or gain weight and some clothes are very hard to get on someone who is being very uncooperative and squeeling with fear or pain. Our laundry is allocated 1.5 hours per week per resident for all washing, sorting and ironing of bedding, towels and clothes! Honestly we do our best but frankly it's a miserable job at times!

This thread is so hard to read 😞 I am a Support Worker in a Supported Living service, not elderly care as such but my service users range from 42-76. I have done the job for 17 years, worked with different clients groups and in a management role. I give my heart and soul to my job and put my service users first, always. I have had some amazing relationships with service users and supported them through very difficult times and also making their dreams come true. I would never dream of mistreating them and absolutely love my work, it’s hard, tiring and poorly paid really but you have to have that passion. Several I have lost and my heart broke like it was my own family. Sadly though I have worked with some nasty abusive people (managed to get them fired eventually though woohoo) but it is true what people have said, some take the job as a last resort, don’t do it for the right reasons and upper management is usually very poor, which in turn means some staff get away with murder. I really have seen sooo much in my time!! But, I would like to think there are care staff out there like me who would care for your loved ones properly and give them a nice home❤️

I think it’s a bit of an unfair narrative that care homes are awful and depressing. My limited experience is of four different ones

• my uncle with dementia lived in a lovely one, new and purpose built. Self funding
• - my brother-in-law lives in a really lovely one, local authority funded
• - a very good friend’s mum lived in an LA one for a short while. It was basic but she was very well looked after
• - DS technically lives in a care home as he is autistic with severe learning disability. He is about to turn 30 and has been in what is usually referred to as a “residential placement” for over 10 years, local authority funded. He has been in two, both excellent

As someone above said about being qualified, although I am qualified, you are able to walk into the job with nothing. However, some of the staff I have worked with who have the most NVQ’s and degrees have been utter shit. The best staff I have worked with were actually inexperienced. I always say you can teach people paperwork you can’t teach them how to care

Carers can be variable but so, quite frankly, can the residents. My DM can easily take against someone one day and love them the next.

I’m afraid this is the reality if we all want to live to 110. It’s replicated, at great cost by the hundred of thousand up bd down the country. Modern medicine has a lot to answer for. And I say that as a nurse of 35 years whose MIL is in care.
This is the physical and financial reality of ageing and in many cases, prolonging life when we would have likely passed on naturally some years before.
It’s sad but getting old is often miserable, uncomfortable and undignified, and sometimes there comes a point with living circumstances where good enough has to do.

It's uncomfortable to say, but the day we manage to cure death, we're in trouble.

They vary a lot and in my experience the ones that look fancy to the eye eg modern, artwork on walls, modern hotel style rooms often are the most depressing as the money is going on aesthetics not caring and profits. A good home will have activities appropriate to their residents - my friend is an activities coordinator for two care homes local to me and they have so much going on, even a singer once a fortnight (she rotates between the two homes) one home is deeply into sixties music the other demands heavy metal!

I've thought about this a lot ever since my partner's grandmother got dementia and we visited her in her home frequently (until she died). For reasons I'm sure many are familiar with and won't go into detail about, I found the whole experience completely harrowing.

One thing I've found frustrating and upsetting is that my parents and in laws make flippant comments like "if I get like that just put a pillow over my head". I wish they'd think seriously about this eventuality and put things in place rather than say things which are obviously ridiculous (i.e. me risking a prison sentence).