This is really silly, but how to ‘ sort out ‘ these squabbles between small kids ?

[blunlab]

My kids are 3 and 5. Often wanting the same toy..

for example, say I buy them both a toy from the toy shop- eventually one of them wants to play with the other person’s toy.

my husband tends to just make the person who’s toy it is, share the toy and take turns. Whereas I tend to let the person decide if they want to ‘ give up ‘ the toy for a bit or not. I don’t force them to share it if they don’t want to.

what is the right way to do this ? It seems silly doesn’t it.

Yeah my kids use all that language.

i also point out the next time when i see the other one wants something from the one that just refused to share. Not sure if that over kill, feels a bit mean sometimes but it just comes out sometimes.

We have different definitions of sharing and taking turns in our house.

Sharing (letting someone use your personal things) is always a choice but we tell them that 'people who share get more' meaning that people will be more willing to share with them if they are kind. If there is a very desirable toy they are playing with around others, we would ask them to be discreet to avoid other children being upset they can't play too. They can put away special toys when friends come over if they don't want to share.

Taking turns however is not a choice. If it's a shared toy and someone asks for a turn, you negotiate when they can have their turn but it can't be an unacceptably long period of time.

They're 7 and 4 now and they play nicely together and don't fight over toys. They also independently share party bag contents between themselves so the other doesn't feel jealous.

I think I try to approach with the rules of adulthood. I feel that it's good for children to have their own boundaries and control over their belongings. How would I feel if someone insisted I let them have a turn on my personal laptop when I was in the middle of a work project?

What a stupid analogy: the reason people don’t share their phone with a random stranger on the bus is because it’s a random stranger on the bus.

If you want your kids to grow up to be selfish brats who are all “me, me, me” then continue as is.

For everyone else though, “sharing is caring”. Per a (depressingly) few of the other replies, my children once they have played with their own toy for a reasonable period of time will share it with someone else: a friend, a sibling, etc.

Agree. We encourage sharing and they're generally very good at it but they also know if they have their own special things they don't have to share if they don't want to, although of course it's nice if they do.

If you dont want to share it, put it in your room and play with it by yourself. Id then try to encourage them to pick something to play with they'd like to share

I think this is a dependant thing. When younger if the toy SS was playing with wears shareable, absolutely, however, if something is exclusively his then it is 100% his choice entirely.

My SS is the older of 3 and I have always been clear and firm on this, especially as he is older by a few years and, whilst I understand his brother looks up to him and emulates him, some of the things he has are too expensive to be left in the hands of his younger brother.

I am all for sharing something shareable, but something that solely belongs to that individual should be their choice, as it is in adulthood.

Are you ok ? Doesn’t sound like it.

They sound fine to me!

Perfectly ok and normal, thanks for you concern.

I tend to take the approach you are doing with that their own special toys are theirs and communal toys they need to take turns with. But it is exhausting and the squabbling can be draining if they’re that way out (sometimes they’ll share nicely) - Mine are also DD(5) and DS(3) so right there with you!