Constantly being compared to the ‘perfect’ SIL

[LaurSings]

Honestly it is endless. I’m a first time Mum to a DC who is approaching one and I’m finding it rewarding but challenging, as is to be expected.

However, more or less ever since the birth my MIL has kept using my SIL as a reference point and more recently, DH has started doing this too as I near a return to work which I’m feeling anxious about.

Examples:

-SIL was in the gym a month post partum
-She was at baby classes at least twice a week
-She was able to go on a family holiday abroad after 5 months
-DH knows ‘drunkenly from her husband’ that their sex life was back to normal after 3 months!
-SIL was looking for new jobs during her time off and managed to secure a promotion prior to returning

It is honestly exhausting!!

100% this.

He's not only using this to guilt you about your sex life but he's talking about his own sister which is fucking gross.

However admirable or feasible or not these things are (since when is going on holiday an achievement 🙄?) your DH should be in your corner, not comparing you to SIL. The sex thing is a huge ick.

This is all great, but number 4 is inspired.

Try that one on your DH, OP.

Are you trying to pressure me into doing what you want or just trying to make me feel inferior?

BIL and SIL made sure to get the girls used to being with either of them (said to me and chronically ill DH)
SIL and Other SIL loved staying at home instead of going back to work
BIL and SIL's girls are outside everyday in all weathers!

It's tiresome.

I had this and i look back now on so many choices I made which were basically to compete with my SIL. It makes me really sad that I wasn't my authentic self with my kids cos I was always trying to mirror her! So I would recommend speaking early to DH and MIL and asking them to tone it down (if possible). Good luck! X

Play dumb. Give a big cheesy grin and just say, ‘Ahh, she’s brilliant, isn’t she? My BIL is a lucky man 😁’

That’ll fuck them right off.

What a cringe, especially the sex thing. It's not kind or helpful, why are MIL and husband going on about these things and her? Having a child is a massive shock to the system. All children and parents are different -my bosses son didn't sleep through until he was 4 years old so things were somewhat more challenging for him and his wife

I actually did all of those things your SIL
did and more (sex life was back on track within the month and l also finished off a qualification l was doing when they were a few months old), l also had twins and she only has one by the sounds of it. Difference is most people in my life don't know most of those things or any of those things -apart from work friends re the promotion as it was obvious. I didn't go on about them and it wasn't a competition, they were just things l actually wanted to do. lm quite sure husband hasn't mentioned the sex thing to anyone or other things to make anyone feel bad / awkward

It would be tempting to reply with an unfavourable comparison about DH to another guy. Things like ‘I bumped into Dave at baby splash yesterday. You can tell just by looking at him that his swimming training is going well. Have you ever thought about swimming DH?’ or ‘Dave’s doing a management course. Have you considered something like this. It might make you feel more confident about yourself?’ He would probably get the message pretty quickly.

Just smile and say "I know, amazing isn't she?" Anything else is only going to be framed as you being jealous and nasty about her (rather than simply defending yourself/challenging your MiL) and might get back and cause a rift. Ime that's exactly what people like your MiL are trying to do. Playing you off against her and likely doing the same in reverse. Don't rise to it.

Just keep saying oh bless her. If you are asked what you mean say well it must be so tough feeling you have to compete with everybody all the time.

I think it would be good to prepare a come back . I like some of those here. I would use one to let her know you are pissed off and to stop it as it would drive me mad

I would be telling MIL to shut up - assuming she wants to see your baby.....

My mum was like this. DS1 was selected for an elite training scheme for his sport, identified as having potential to represent GB. My mum's reaction was to go on at length about how DBs eldest had been selected for the school orchestra. I'd get chapter and verse on every school concert but she never even asked about how my DS got on at a World Championship. When I did the Yorkshire 3 Peaks with a group of friends I got "that's nice" and an 5 minutes elegy about the victoria sponge SIL had cooked. DS2 saved up and bought himself a competition horse. Never came to see it in all the time he owned it, but went straight round to see the car one of my nephews bought the same week.

Guess who's expected to care for her now she has Alzheimer's.