To think any more work than 2 days a week might be difficult?

[daysaysoutside47]

I am returning to work at the very end of the year. This is a necessity thing as if I didn’t we wouldn’t have any disposable income or means of saving. DH and I don’t want to send baby DS to nursery until he is older. It’s a personal choice thing but our minds are set. (I know there are pros and cons but we just don’t feel it right for our family). We have both altered our working patterns ahead of my return in attempt to accommodate this and be working at mainly opposite times. DH is working longer days but less of them. His rota repeats every few months but chops and changes within that, no two weeks are the same.

My mum has kindly offered to support us occasionally when we are both at work. I have planned and had approved 3 fixed working days, however, that means relying on my mum at least once a week (or some weeks not but the next week two days).

We have looked at the schedules and figured out if I drop one additional day and work only 2 days, it means we are only relying on her once every fortnight. If she is unavailable we plan to book annual leave, my employer is usually very flexible with that.

That’s much more manageable with two working days than 3, isn’t it? I’m nervous though. 3 days from 5 is a big enough pay cut and I am anxious about the prospect of cutting down any more, although I am fortunate that there is the option to do it on a temporary basis.

If you are happy with your mum caring for your dc, then I’d do the 3 days. Just because having worked various part time options over the years since dc1 came along, 2 days means you don’t really get time to get anything done well. You ended up effectively making yourself more junior as you end up supporting someone else who’s taking the lead on each project. 3 days seems to work better.

try it for 6 months and then if it doesn’t work, see if you can drop a day until dc is ready for preschool.

Why don't you just do the 3 days for a while and see how you get on? You can always ask to drop another day if you find it's not working well.

Best advice I ever got when I had my first was “do what you’ve got to do to get by”.

In a similar situation to you, it all somehow slotted into place and we got a lovely groove going with our arrangements.

The only spanner in the works was illness &/or teething or the care giver going on holiday or wanting the day back to themselves.

Illness of course meant zero sleep for anyone, baby wanting me only during this time and trying to work my job while on my knees with utter exhaustion.

It’s for such a short time and before you know it, you will be applying for school places and that brings a whole new host of work/childcare challenges!

Let’s have a baby we said! It will be fun we said!! 😱🙂

I would go for 3 days if your mother is happy with that - it’s a much better balance and more cash. You can use leave for days when your mother can’t make it but also save some leave for time together if you are working across each other

Have a frank conversation with your DM about what she can manage when it comes to childcare and if she is genuinely happy with the arrangement that means you can work 3 days, I would do that!

Also, it’s only for a short while until you’re comfortable with the nursery so as close as you can get to full time will stand you in good stead to increase your hours in due course and you would not have to feel guilty about relying on your mum for an extended period.

I'd start with 3

Will work agree to two if they have already arranged a drop from five to three?

Can the work they need you to do be done in two days?

Surely your work pattern and your % FTE all depend upon your employer and their business needs. Presumably you used to be full time. How do you propose that they cover the other 60% of your role? They don't have to accept your request if it doesn't work for the organisation.

Would your employer be happy for you to switch days when necessary?

I don't like switching my days around but sometimes needs must.

Do the three days. And booking annual leave for childcare when you only do two days a week doesn't sound like a good idea to me. You will get the reputation of hardly being there. Try 3 days. It will be more money for a start and that will be less financial pressure.

You need to speak to your mum and your employer. If I offered to do occasional childcare as a grandma, I wouldn’t expect it to be once a week or even more. And id I were your employer, I would be very unhappy with your proposal to come back 2/5 if we’d agreed 3/5. Nursery won’t kill your baby and you may not have the choice.

I worked all the way through having 5 children. When DS1 was born I worked 22.5 hours a week over 3 days. He went to a nursery for 2 days (but I understand that you don't want that for your DC) & my mum had him for 1 day. Then, 12 months later DS2 on his way. I continued with my hours, but MIL took both DCs for 1 day a week & they both went to a nursery for 1 day a week. Then, 15 months later DS3 on his way 😱 DH was in the throws of setting up his own business, we'd re-mortgaged the house & no money for nursery for 3 DCs so my mother an aunt, my grandmother & MIL (God bless them!) took them on between them. They would also help out in the restaurant when we were short staffed. I don't know how we would have managed without them.

I always made it clear that the grandparent relationship is an important one & separate from a parental role. I wanted my children to have the kind of relationship with their grandparents that I had - GPs are there to spoil the child & not necessarily follow the rules. EG: What happens at Granny's house stays at Granny's house. I was also lucky enough to have lots of friends, aunts & cousins who would be able to take on temporary childcare should GPs have something else to do. I considered it was our choice to have so many children in close succession, not thieir's & I didn't want childcare responsibilities to prevent them from enjoying their retirements.

DD conceived 18 months later. We managed to get contraception sorted for 3 years until DS4 was on his way. Then DH had a vasectomy - phew!

It seemed that DH only had to look at me to make me PG 😂

I’d do the 3 days. Less than 3 is going to feel hard to get stuck into it properly. And as your pension contributions will be based on your income, your making a bigger dent in your pension by working less.

When you’re in your 50s and 60s, perhaps with children to support though uni or trying to get on the housing ladder, believe me, you will care just as much about having enough long term security as you do about childcare and working pattern now

Will your work let you cut down to 2 days? And is the nature of your job such that doing it for only 2 days a week makes sense (in lots of jobs you'd spend so much time catching up it would make it not worthwhile.

Do you have the option to initially drop to 3 days a week but used accrued leave to actually work 2 days a week, to see how it works out? That might be a good compromise.

But, also agree with everyone else, that you need to actually ask your mum what she is prepared to do. Specifically, not vague generalisations.

When I only had one child nursery was my preferred choice as he would get the interaction with other children which he wouldn't have at home, nursery also had facilities in the form of interaction with other children & adults that were strangers to him, play areas with appropriate equipment, toys, trained staff, trips out etc that I couldn't necessarily give him as when he was with me I had a house to clean, laundry to be done etc.

Would you consider a childminder? Mine has a lovely setting, and runs it with a couple of helpers. My little DC loves it. My eldest was at a nursery, and whilst I was generally happy with it the childminder’s house has a different vibe.

Keep to 3 days. Many manage it, many even manage full time but of course they generally use childminder, nursery etc.

I was going to suggest this too but childminders might not offer 1 day a week. I know some nurseries state minimum 2 days total (so could be 4 afternoons or 4 mornings).

I'd be reluctant to rely on grandparents. In the 3 years my DS has been in nursery I've needed my PILs exactly once, to do a pickup one afternoon when DS took unwell. I physically couldn't get there in time.

I'd be tempted to try the 3 days and see how it works, but be prepared to drop to the 2 days.

Our friends are expecting #3 and are doing a mixture of condensed hours and dropping days between them because they can't rely on the GPs to cope with 3. ETA: I guess what I'm saying is situations and arrangements can change.

@TallyrandI was thinking would OP consider a childminder for three days a week, but perhaps not. Agree with you that most childminders wouldn’t offer just one day.

I’d also be concerned about whether it’s possible to keep a career going just doing two days a week. But I imagine it’s easier in jobs where you effectively start fresh each day / shift, and you don’t have ongoing projects.

I would try 3 days. Part time is a lot more difficult on less than this. You end up doing more work so may as well get paid for it.

It depends on your job but i did 2 days and it was really hard. I was out of the loop so many things change all the time. I also didn't feel like part of the team. It was hard..

Providing occasional help with childcare is not the same as providing regular care once a week (or even once a fortnight) so I think you need to be clear with your mum what she is actually happy to commit to. Plus how you will deal with any of her holidays (or sickness) when she can’t provide care.
I also wouldn’t cut down your hours too drastically unless you can be reasonably certain that you can get them back again. Working such low hours would make me feel financially very vulnerable.

Sounds like he’ll on earth trying to work like this and organise the schedules.

it would definitely be easier to have proper childcare arranged on fixed days.

could you husband not just work 4 days and you work 4 days then you pay a childminder for 3 days

or you work 3 days and he works 5

Only need childminder 2 days..

I don't like any plan that involves relying on one person for childcare - so many issues crop up that makes this unsustainable for many people. Obviously I've known friends who have parents for ad hoc things or for helping out on the weekends or picking up from football or whatever, but relying on it every single week is a massive ask and will easily go wrong. What happens when she's on holiday or unwell? Relying on annual leave to plug childcare gaps would not be ideal either as it sounds like it would happen more than infrequently and you'd run out of holiday time.

How involved has mum been in these plans? Volunteering to be "occasional" childcare isn't even once a fortnight in my book, so please check you are aligned.

In the gentlest way possible, I wouldn't stress too much about worrying about what your ideal chidcare looks like because returning to work is like having a baby - you don't know how it will be for you until you get there.

My experience of 3 days was that I couldn't get through the work fast enough which stressed me out in a different way.

Two days may have been better because I'd have been less visible and that would have probably resulted in a genuinely smaller workload (the downside of that is the chance of being allocated lower profile work which may also impact progression)