AIBU to ask do you talk about sex?

[notsochattysue]

So we have been married for a million years. We are early 50’s. We had babies later so our kids are 13 & 14.

with one thing or another our sex life really tapered off in our 40’s. We had a period of 4 years where we didn’t have sex at all.

In the last 9 months my libido has come crashing back and our sex life is picking up.

I feel it has the potential to be even better. The problem is we have never been great at talking about sex. When I say we I mean my husband.

im happy talk and I’d love him to tell me what he wants in bed. I want us to have cheeky chats (we used to have at the start of our relationship)

how do you all talk to your other half about sex? Do you?
x

Not here to help are you?

op, just start talking about it and see what happens. If you weren’t shy before, there is no reason you became it.

@CommonAsMucklowe it just sort of fizzled out for us a couple of years ago and neither of us initiates anything now and we're both happy with that.

Do you mind me asking how old you are? Would you have a sex drive with someone else, or are you just no longer attracted in that way to your partner?

@CommonAsMucklowe that was us for a long time. Then I came off the pill age 50 and bloody hell my libido came back with a bang. I just need to persuade husband to loosen up again. We used to have a great sex life.

@KPPlumbing I'm 62. Sex has always been a chore for me. I could happily have lived my whole life without it.

It sounds like you're in a situation that works for you now then.

Been with my Nesting Partner (don't know if the term exists as an acronym here) for 18 years, we've always been open talking about it, even in the years where my libido disappeared and we weren't actively doing much. I've always found it an easy topic to talk about with people generally though. I can't think of any specific advice on how you could help him to open up. We did change things in my early-40s, becoming polyamorous and experimenting with intimacy in different ways, which has improved things immensely.

There are boardgames which might help break the ice
https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/25/sex-card-and-boardgames-for-couples-to-get-competitive-in-the-bedroom-16889962/

There's also OMGyes https://start.omgyes.com/ that you can both look at for ideas.

Been with my dh 25+ years and had a good sex life however he has been on bp tabs for a few years and now can't retain an erection and because of that hasn't even tried for nearly 18 months . Sadly foreplay for him was only ever a precursor to having sex so that doesn't happen either . He doesn't really talk about it and even if anything like that is shown in t.v. we sit in silence . He won't talk about it to his GP .

@GoldMoonim sorry to hear this. Is this a common side effect of blood pressure tablets?

Apparently so .

30 odd years married, too predictable, he's unwilling to try harder to satisfy me, he wants it much more than I do, we seem to have done a lot of stuff earlier in the marriage, now it's dried up and I'm just not turned on anymore. Marriage is ending, due to a lot of other stuff happening, that made him feel "lonely'. If you can keep it going, talk about it, after years n years and enjoy it, I salute you.

I'm confused.

I wonder whether you're minimising the four year's of no sex. You lost your libido, yes. But why did that mean there was a complete absence of sex? A lower libido would inevitably lead to less sex/less hot sex. But, no sex at all? That sounds indicative of a bigger problem.

Warning to all, there’s a creep sending explicit PMs to people on this thread. Not sure how to report it to MN.

Yes I got a PM 😮‍💨

@Thenoseno not really. It teetered out then we both got new jobs and had kids at home so we were so tired. Had plenty of kissing and cuddles but no sex. He was started on BP med and statins at that time too so that’s why I was interested when the pp mentioned it. But then as kids are older and we have gotten some peace at home we have more opportunity.